Tuesday March 17, 2020

As is becoming the norm, things are moving fast, and projections are starting to become ominous. Like that school may be out for forever. 

And that the State of Washington won't give Clallam County any test kits until we have a positive test. What the actual fuck? Here. I don't know if these guys would know anything, or be able to do anything, but it may worth your time to email to our County Commissioners, as well as our the good men who represent the 24th Legislative District: Mike Chapman, Steve Tharinger, and Kevin Van De Wege. 

If you want to make change in your community, do it. Stand up. For all of us.

Oh, and ask them about passing a bill that make sure people can't get evicted for not paying rent, or foreclosed upon, since our entire society is shutting down. Thanks.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

Nathan's feeling ok; his left shoulder is sore and he's got a nasty bruise on his leg, and his head is ok. Thanks to everyone for reaching out. We sincerely appreciate the support.

Isaac and I got outside for quite some time today. He did some swinging, like he does. He catches some serious air.

I worked on spreading the mulch with a shovel and a rake. We talked about what happened yesterday, and how important it is to have extra awareness right now, and stay away from the hospital as much as we can. Don't be a dumbass and do stupid kid stuff, boy child. Youngling. #YChromosome

Speaking of which, a dear friend of mine had a mammogram this morning, and is fine. Her text about how it went prompted me to call the imaging center to confirm my own appointment for Thursday morning, and was told to be there at my scheduled time.

Um...social distancing? I'm literally breathing the same air as the woman who is touching my breast with her pink gloved hands, putting one breast at a time onto a plate and squishing them with another plate and taking a picture of all the gross mushy red stuff inside! Hello? That's about as intimate as you can get without exchanging bodily fluids...and I sometimes leak during a mammogram bc breast cancer duh! You'd think you'd at least walk out of there with a fuckin lollipop but no. Not even a goddamn Life Saver Mint individually wrapped in plastic. Fuckin bullshit. #NoReachAround

And, yes, I realize the irony of the placement of this image of my son. #Obvs

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

So, then this afternoon, my phone rings and the boys feel it is their duty to let me know, because clearly someone from the outside is trying to get in...which is rare in my world. And it was the imaging center telling me that bc of social distancing, they need to reschedule my mammogram.

That's how fast things are moving. 9am today, "Come on in! You're the next contestent on the Boob Squish Machine!"

3pm: #OfCourse they have to cancel and #ThankJesus I don't have to make that decision.

Because on the one hand, I'm at 5 years. On March 9, 2015 I was told I had breast cancer. On March 20, 2015 I had a lime-sized tumor removed from my right breast. I'm lucky in a way, because even though my type of breast cancer was the most aggressive type a young woman could have, the longer I live, the less likely this specific type of breast cancer can come back. I had a triple negative tumor, meaning that it didn't have any hormone receptors and the chemo was going to suck big time, which it did.

Yet, on the other hand, as a survivor, I know I'm supposed to have an annual mammogram to make sure that I'm not growing any new tumors. My radiation oncologist shot the shit out of my right breast...she wanted to make sure that nothing would grow again, and I know it's likely to not. And, because of all the radiation, now I am able to shoot a green laser beam from my right breast. Because duh. It's pretty hot, you guys.

On the one hand, I have anxiety about developing some type of cancer in my left breast; on the other hand, I just had a very thorough breast exam from my primary provider.

And, in reality, I'm more concerned about people I know and love contracting Coronavirus from a spreader. Please watch this 50 second clip from Max Brooks, the son of Mel Brooks. And if you don't know who these men are, then go read "World War Z" and watch "Young Frankenstein"; you're welcome.

#AndAlso, historically it may have been somewhat socially acceptable to say "you're dead to me" if someone makes a cultural reference that you don't get, or a food you've not tasted...but, in this day and age, that's horribly rude and I'm declaring it no longer funny.

#DontBeASpreader

#ThanksForReading

Love and feathers,
#MaRa

Monday March 16, 2020

My husband and I made the decision last night, after the blog was posted and we officially unplugged for the day at 9:00 pm, to not send the boys to school on Monday.

And then the school district called at 9:26 pm Sunday evening, notifying parents that because of Governor Inslee's decision to not allow groups of 50 or more...and 50 or less...that was going into effect on Monday. I didn't get the message until I woke up Monday morning...and it looked like the entire State of Washington was starting to shut down.

I headed into town early to make absolutely sure I had alternative medications in my tool kit. If shit is going down, I'll do everything in my power to help my kid not seize. We agreed that it was ok to leave the boys home alone for 15 minutes if need be; something we never do. My husband had to give two exams at 9 am; we passed each other on the road...they were alone for less than 10.

The boys watched a lot of TV today. I streamed BonnieTV...not really, but my dear friend Bonnie owns Little Rhythms Learning Center and she is using Facebook Live to provide lessons for her students...and whoever wants to watch. She's delightful! Thanks, Bonnie, for doing this for all of us. I'll provide live fact-checking on animals whenever I can--haha! Did you guys know that there are actually three species of elephants? Yup. I learned about three elephant species when this dude named Mike Fay did what's called the Megatransect and trekked across the Congo in 1999; he discovered the third species.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

About noon today, the school district superintendent sent a mass email apologizing for the late notice to cancel school, and letting us know they are working to figure out when kids can go to their school and get their stuff. The Super stated this is an unprecedented time, and asked for the our patience. He also encouraged us to use this week as a sort of spring break...and it sounds like there will be some type of instructional support in place for families in the coming days. And I get it. He made a decision to protect students, staff, and faculty...and for this I am thankful. Oh, and the school district is going to be providing meals for free to kids at the schools, in the parking lot.

Really, nobody knows WTAF is going on since all things surrounding Coronavirus are happening so fast. And you can't not hear about it on the radio station from Victoria, BC, and you can't not see it on social media. It is in your face all the time overwhelming and depressing and scary and stressful. And it's ok to feel that way.

But the sun was out today. And it was warm.

So, for our first day of being at home and mostly hunkering down...mostly...I cleaned, because that helps me decompress. And something told me to call the guy who pumps our septic tank...since it's been a while and we're typically home a lot and we'll be home even more...and I'd rather be proactive than reactive...because I sure the fuck don't need to deal with a failed septic system when we end up like Italy on lock-down. Get ready. San Francisco just did it. It could happen. I anticipate it'll start on the I-5 corridor and spread. But, I'm no oracle, you guys. All I'm saying is nobody is immune to this virus, and we all need to practice social distancing, because it's not a snow day.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

After the septic guy did his thing, and took my money--and it was full, you guys, like, I'm so glad I listened to my intuition--I finally had my husband alone in the house for two minutes so we could catch-up, since the boys were outside. Next thing I know, my 10-year-old comes down the hall and into our bedroom and says, "Nathan was trying to ride his bike down the slide and fell off!" And everything stopped.

I remained calm and walked outside. Oh Fucking CHRIST! THIS is new! I wonder who's idea THIS was! Why TODAY? Of all days when we absolutely do not need to go near a goddamn emergency room! Please don't let anything be broken. And not a hit to his head. When I got to our swing set in the backyard...the one that my kids have been playing on for what will be 10 years this spring...my 13-year-old was sitting up, with his bike helmet off, the bike on the ground, and scratches on the left side of his face, some mulch on his left shoulder and left knee. I think his Crocs fell off...? Or maybe he took them off before he climbed up? Who fuckin knows?

So it scared the shit out of him. And I'm really really REALLY thankful we opted for rubber mulch because he basically bounced. Kinda. I assessed his joints asked him if he hurt anywhere. He said "I'm fine, Maaawwwmmm!" So, he was ok...but he also has an incredibly high pain tolerance, because it's part of his autism and it can be scary sometimes...like that time he fell on his fingers and had two hairline fractures but it didn't bother him till the next morning.

I asked him to tell me what happened and he looked at me like I was some kind of dumb bitch and he says, "I FELL!" And he rolled his eyes! It was fantastic! I have these little glimmers of neurotypical teenage development and sass...and it's really pretty funny!

Anyway, he said he wanted to ride his bike down the slide, so he hauled his bike up the bars, and then put his bike up on the first deck, and then up on the second deck, and then he got on his bike to ride down and he fell and he landed on his stomach and his shoulder and the bike landed on his back. OUCH!

In the older picture on the right, the bars are horizontal, and in the background. So he carried his bike up those, to the lower deck, which is about 5 feet tall...and then to the upper deck, which is about 7 feet tall...and eventually to the slide where Isaac (purple shirt) is standing. And attempted to ride down. On the first day of Coronavirus: Schooling Optional Eventually, Spring 2020. Totally not on my lesson plan, you guys.

Thank Jesus he's had it drilled into his head from the time he was on a trike that he has to wear a helmet. Because the helmet is toast. Like, in a couple of pieces, it's so disturbing I don't want to put up a picture type of broken.

He managed to get up and walk into the house on his own. He agreed to taking a bath, which helps him decompress, and get the nastiness from the mulch off of you. He hasn't complained of pain at all, but he does have some bruises. My concern is for his left shoulder, since he didn't want to move it too much. So, we'll see what tomorrow brings.

I spoke with my 10-year-old regarding what happened. He said that he watched his brother carry the bike up the bars and couldn't believe what he was seeing. He said he called for us but we never came outside. I suggested that next time he run to the house, yelling for us, and that we'd likely hear him.

I introduced the words "dumbstruck" and "stupefied"...yay new spelling words! Unschooling ROCKS! Oh, and by the way, I homeschooled a special needs kid when I had my Breast Cancer Adventure five years ago...and if I can do it, YOU can do it, you guys. And finally, I'm looking forward to celebrating the fifth anniversary of my lumpectomy on Friday! But I'm disappointed that tattoo parlors are closed down...I was planning on getting a little something to commemorate the occasion...but since Coronavirus is still lurking out there...what will tomorrow bring? Really, at the end of the day, I just don't want you to be Mochi about what's happening. Because it is serious business. And always wear a bike helmet when you ride down a slide.

Six-Week Weekend

So, school has been canceled in Washington State. But they go on Monday to maybe get some work sent home...? And, most importantly, be together as a group of kids for what could be the last time until fall. No, really, that's how my brain works. Because, as a Health Educator, my question is, how will we know when it's safe to send kids back to school? At the time of this writing, there are still no positive tests for Coronavirus in Clallam County.

Here's information about the closure from The Washington Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI). The information for Special Education can be found on pages 3-9, but I encourage you to take the time to read the entire document. It's important, especially for parents of kids with special needs.

My husband and I are both college instructors who have been teaching online for the last 13 years. I've been teaching for 18 years; he's been teaching for 28 years (he's older and started earlier). While he does teach face-to-face, beginning tomorrow, March 16, our college is no longer having face-to-face classes. Collectively, faculty has been in the process of creating contingency plans, knowing the closures were coming. As of this writing, we're scheduled to start the Spring Quarter on April 13. We'll see.

And the information changes day-to-day...and sometimes minute to minute...since Washington State Governor Jay Inslee will be signing an order on Monday that's pretty extensive. All to stop the spread of disease...and you know it's true bc your Facebook feed is lighting up with the news. Restaurants and bars? Shutting down for dining in. Take out and delivery is ok. For now. But what if the delivery guy picks his nose, picks up your food bag, and hands you your bag of food, all with the same hand? Germs. You have his germs on that bag. And then you're going to open that bag and feed yourself? Fuck that noise. No thanks.

My husband teaches mathematics...so he's been looking at numbers and slipping me information he knows I can handle...that won't drive my anxiety through the roof...like that if the number of cases were to continue to double every three days, there would be about 100 million people infected in the United States by May. I totally plagiarized his blog, you guys. But, he's legally obligated to let me. And, here's the link he's citing. Check it out. It's worth reading. Unless you have anxiety like I do, then you just listen to what #RandySaid.

And tomorrow is the last day of public school till who knows how long up here in Washington State. Right now, the prediction is that kids will return to school on April 27. Six weeks. Part of me wonders if they'll be out for the remainder of the school year, especilly considering the CDC just said "8 weeks"...and schools in NYC are probably done. 

The boys are supposed to go to school tomorrow and pick up their personal belongings and get some things. But I honestly don't know if I'll send them. For all I know, and as fast as everything has been changing, who knows if anyone will even be permitted to leave their homes tomorrow morning. For real.

Am I anxious? You bet your ass I am. Am I prepared? As much as I can be. I'm doing my best to take one moment at a time, just like I have been doing since my now 13-year-old was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of four. One. Moment. At. A. Time.

Overwhelmed

I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I bet you are, too. There is a plethora of information coming at us from all angles: our employers, our schools, our colleges and universities...which may also be our employer...and then there's the health department and the hospitals. And #SweetJesus with Facebook and Twitter! Some of the memes have been hysterical! But, really...Calgon! Take me away!

The best way for me to help you is acknowledge that I do not have all of the answers. I mean, I know a lot of shit about a lot of shit, from both my professional background and from personal experience...and #JesusKnows I'm always up for providing my opinion...but I'm not an oracle, you guys. I mean, seriously. The information regarding the Coronavirus is changing rapidly and, yes, it's hard to keep up. And, really, I think there's a certain pressure to know what's going on, for all of us, about how to best work together and help each other stay healthier.

Here's information from the Center's for Disease Control and Prevention.  Please scroll down, for information about the how to prevent and control for Coronavirus at home, at schools K-12, at colleges and universities, at work (for those of you who work in a traditional office), in health care settings, and more.

The other website I trust and reference frequently is the World Health Organization.

Am I anxious? A little. I'd be lying if I said I didn't stock up on hand sanitizer, hand soap, and paper towels. And the best I can understand about people buying toilet paper en masse is that perhaps they are also using it as facial tissues...? Like instead of Kleenex. Secretly, I prefer Puffs.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

But we also don't know what we don't know. Like is this a seasonal illness...? Will numbers drop when the weather in the Northern Hemisphere warms up? Will it recur? How long will this outbreak last? Is it worth it to go to the store and look for items like hand soap and rubbing alcohol and where's that video for the recipe for homemade hand sanitizer? And does it really work...?

The World Health Organization has produced a number of videos, around the Coronavirus outbreak and you can click here for more information...good luck and have fun! This one was pretty good; it explains how the virus started and where it's headed. Please note that the video was uploaded by WHO on January 31, 2020...and while this isn't "old"...it is dated...at less than 6 weeks old, and new details about the Coronavirus have emerged. And, again, it's hard to keep up...so I do my best to let go of the specifics...go back to basics...like washing hands and wiping down surfaces in my home, including doorknobs and light switches, with antibacterial wipes. I was at Costco a while ago before they started limiting the number of things you could buy. And I just shop different...because of lots of reasons, like cancers and earthquake preparedness and winter storms are legit up here on the Peninsula you guys....

Anyway, a good option for taking your mind off of the Coronavirus is always watching a movie. If you're into scaring the shit out of yourself, you may want to consider watching fictitious movies like "28 Days Later" or "Contagion". Just remember that what happens in Hollywood movies isn’t the truth...but it could be good to help get you thinking about what to do to protect yourself and the people you love.

Alternatively, Netflix has a new docuseries called "Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak"...and the timing is impeccable. Of course, the more time passes, the more information about the Coronavirus has emerges, including info from what's happening in the City of Wuhan, where the outbreak originated. It's like a ghost town.

In my opinion, you're much better off spending time watching the factual videos and documentaries than to watch the Hollywood versions of Judgement Day. I mean, seriously. At least you'll have some kinda knowledge about communicable diseases, you guys. 

And you know how you're now seeing germs on everything? And how every time you are out in public and you hear someone cough you're like "WTAF? Don't come near me or I will spray you with Lysol, bitches!!!" That's my everyday. Because anxiety does that to me. Welcome to my world. I like to think of myself as a product of my education and the numerous classes I've taken on disease control and prevention. And, of course, you don't watch your husband survive staph endocarditis, and tonsil cancer without learning a thing or two about compromised immune systems and how to protect your family from germs. Seriously. Oh, and when I went through breast cancer, I carried hand sanitizer with me all.the.time. And I still do. I'm that broad wiping down the cart with disinfecting wipes. Or pouring hand sanitizer on the cart handle. For real. Keep your germy germs to yourself. Thanks.

Anyway, so, yes, it creates anxiety and yes, the President is a dip shit and no I'm not listening to him and his non-science-based health advice and that he stated it's a hoax by the Democrats, even though he backtracked to cover his ass, and that he thinks it's ok to hang out in large crowds...even though Washington State Governor Jay Inslee said that you may want to consider not hanging out in large crowds since there's a fucking Coronavirus outbreak and the first case and first death were both in the greater Seattle area, but they aren't the same person. Explain to me how the Democrats concocted this hoax that started in China and explain how thousands of people have died, and explain to their families how in the actual fuck this is a hoax. Please. I'm really curious about just how those synapses are firin' there, Mr. President...because it's not the same advice that the scientists and physicians and health care workers are giving. #PraiseBe

#AndAlso did you really just overrule the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention and tell senior citizens that it's ok to fly? When the agency responsible for keeping Americans healthy just said that senior citizens should avoid nonessential travel since they are at higher risk because, just naturally as we age, our immune system ages...and in all likelihood we've probably been through some shit just to make it the Age of Retirement? As a friendly FYI, the CDC is also recommending that people with chronic health conditions, including but not limited to a variety of issues involving heart, lungs, or kidney disease limit themselves to travel and avoiding crowds.

Why in the fuck is a communicable disease being politicized? Oh wait...right, we had that with the Gay Plague in the early 1980's with HIV and AIDS.

Would I stay home if I was over 60? Eh. Maybe. Would I, as a cancer survivor, at the age of 70, get on an airplane and fly across the country right now? Probably not. Because, #SweetJesus what if I'm visiting my friend in the District and the FAA and CDC shut down all flights into Seattle and I can't find a car to rent in order to get home...all the way from DC to Port Angeles...? Holy Shit. I remember people did that as a result of 911.

Also, if you need a break from all of this, since this is a visceral post (aren't they all?) I encourage you to take time to click here...and read the entire thing. It's pretty cool.

So, I gave you CDC and WHO...and here's the Washington State Department of Health's (DOH...like Homer Simpson, not a fan, but still it's an appropriate cultural reference) page...and the DOH has fact sheets in ELEVEN languages! Thank you Washington State for being awesome like that!

And the Clallam County Department of Health and Human Services totally has their shenanigans together, you guys! For real. Check out the super easy to read info: http://www.clallam.net/Coronavirus/

Locally, you can also check KONP, Olympic Medical Center, Peninsula College, and the Peninsula Daily News (maybe think about letting Coronavirus-related articles be no charge...? Thanks!)

This is an interesting article from the NY Times....and people in the greater Seattle area that are over age 60 and pregnant women, to stay home...and cancel events where more than 10 people gather...to reduce the spread of disease.

And here, check out this really cool interactive map!

OH! And did you read the article on GeekWire about Avi Schiffmann, the kid in the Seattle area who created a website called https://ncov2019.live/ to track data about the Coronavirus? He's the lead on the data and the facts, right now, because, ya know, everything is a race...#boys.

And did you see that Jay Inslee is awesome? I mean, I know I mentioned him before...but seriously. Covering the cost of the COVID test! Who does that? Washington State does. Take that, DC!

And thank you for NOT shaking hands, Governor. Seriously. Because keep your germy germs to yourself.

Do I think we're gonna get positive cases out here? Yes. We're geographically isolated, but we are not immune to the Coronavirus. All we can do is try our best to prevent the spread of any disease. Practice regular hand washing...

...and keep breathing. 

Thanks for reading. 
Namaste,
Rachel
xo

Mochi

Mochi is a stuffed cat that was given to my older son by My Little Brother and then Future Sister-In-Law when they came to visit us in November of 2018.

To get it out of the way, his name is pronounced mow-chee.

According to Wikipedia, Mochi is actually "a Japanese rice cake made of mochigome, a short-grain japonica glutinous rice, and sometimes other ingredients like water, sugar, and cornstarch. The rice is pounded into paste and molded into the desired shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki."

Even on a hot summer day, Mochi gives zero shits about his namesake

There is also Mochi ice cream, which I purchased...and it wasn't for me. The boys will eat anything labeled "ice cream" but I'm not convinced they liked it. It was as if they had this weird obligation that they wanted to like it because it's a ball of ice cream. I mean, what could go wrong? But the ball of ice cream is covered in this very chewy, and incredibly bland tasting dough, that's then rolled in powdered sugar. No, really, it's not very good, even with the powdered sugar. Maybe it was the ice cream flavor...cookies and cream...? Maybe I should try the strawberry flavored...? Maybe I should save my money, because Mochi ice cream is expensive, even on sale, and even with my Safeway Club Card and putting points on my card for gas. Right? But I did score some significant Parenting Points when I brought home the Mochi ice cream. Because at the end of the day, it's ice cream! But, really, from my adult perspective, it was pretty nasty. And, since it's still in the freezer...I'm betting the boys weren't down with it either.  

My 13-year-old son's stuffy named Mochi plays a small role as the family pet in the movie Big Hero Six. If you haven't seen Big Hero Six, it's on Disney+, and it's worth checking out. As is the new show The World According to Jeff Goldblum.

Anyway, Mochi is a calico cat, and typically, only female cats are calico. However, according this dude I've never heard of, also known as "America's Vet," Dr. Marty Becker...a study out of the College of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Missouri, male calicoes do exist, but are very rare: only 1 in 3,000. When a male calico cat is born, it is due to a genetic abnormality. As part of his genetic abnormality, Mochi is sterile...which is incredibly fortuitous, because #JesusKnows we don't need any more cats running around. And, as a fan of abnormalities, we here at the Anderson Family Circus know how appropriate it is for Mochi to be a part of our family. #WeirdosUnite

#AndAlso my husband is legit allergic to cats. He's been tested. He's actually allergic to everything except dogs, horses, and the American cockroach. For real. Subsequently, our pet choices are rather limited.

While I have not been tested for allergies, I have absolutely zero fucking desire to have kitty paws with toxoplasmosis all over everything. And even if kitty doesn't have toxoplasmosis, it can be said that I have a strong aversion to having to cat buttholes being all over my counters where I prepare food. Fuck that noise. So, stuffed cats are great! #NoCatButtholes And, no, we don't need the #CatButt adult coloring book, you guys. #TheInternetHasEverything

Like most cats, Mochi only shows affection to one person, which is my older son, who is incredibly proud of his Cat Dad status. Other than that, Mochi gives zero shits about anyone or anything. Because he's a cat. Unless you have food. But, since Mochi is a stuffy, he's not really into food. However, he has ended up in our family dog's water dish. While neither of my boys confessed to anything, the game "Pounce, Mochi!" has come to an abrupt stop. Perhaps not shockingly, Mochi gave zero shits that he was in Abby's dish. 

Because my son is autistic, as well as developmentally delayed, imaginative play has always been challenging for him. As a bit of a comfort for me, this phenomenon is well-documented in the research. The reasoning? People with autism spectrum disorder have a different brain; they are neurodiverse. It's not that my 13-year-old son is incapable...he will absolutely engage in pretend play with his younger brother...but my 10-year-old son typically creates the game. And because they both carry the #YChromosome typically their pretend play involves some type of weaponry and beating the shit out of each other. They are absolutely forbidden from Hapkidoing each other. #WhatWouldMrsVenturaSay 

Pink Kitty is totally kicking Puddles' ass, while Mochi gives zero shits

Since Mochi has become a member of our family, I seriously just wrote that, my son's goal is to live independently and have a cat. While we do not know exactly what "living independently" looks like for him, we've talked about the idea of him living in a tiny house or a small mobile home on our property. Regardless, he'll need a bathtub so that he can have his almost daily Beatles Bubble Bath Break.

Pink Kitty and her re-re-re-repaired tail

My son brings all three of his stuffed cats into the bathroom with him when he takes his bath. They sit on the shelves. He received Puddles from My Little Brother and Future Sister-In-Law when they came up in July 2019. And Pink Kitty is an old lady...she's been around since my son was an infant...some cats live a long time, and she absolutely has 9 lives since she's been thrown in the washing machine numerous times in her life. Pink Kitty is very loved. My son is an avid chewer...her tail has been mangled and repaired a lot. I try to keep her tail looking it's best. Thankfully, my son has moved on to chewing a bite saber (no shit, click the link) and gum. He's a dedicated rule follower with the gum; it's written into his IEP at school that he be permitted to chew it as long as he disposes of it properly in the trash. And he does. Every. Single. Time.

Before he leaves for school each morning, my 13-year-old son who is developmentally six, sets all three cats up on the windowsill, where they wait for him until he gets home. They are an incredibly dedicated group of souls. Cats are my son's spirit animal.

Puddles, Pink Kitty, and Mochi watching their Cat Dad, in the yellow coat.

He set them on the windowsill when he and his brother played out in the snow for several hours. And even though he cuddles them around the neck, and we talk about the fact that you can't carry a real-life cat that way, and that real-life cats will cut you with their sharp little kitty claws if you attempt such nonsense, my son thinks it's hysterical, and in typical teenage fashion says, "I know, Mom!"

My husband and I have honestly entertained the idea of getting a cat. So I started talking with our son about the fact that a real-life cat is gonna poop in the litter box and that the litter box is gonna need to be cleaned every day because poop stinks. He said he'd clean the litter box. I am cautiously optimistic that this is perhaps something he'll be willing to do...but ultimately, it will fall to me, because I'm the mom. And it's a goddamn chore to get out to the yard once every few weeks and pick up dog shit, so I have zero desire to clean a litter box.

I know several people will disagree with me when I say that having an indoor-outdoor kitty is also known as "prey" in my neck of the woods. However, I cannot take the risk for being responsible for saying, "Here's this kitty for you as a long-term, loving companion" and then turn around and say "Oh sonovabitch! Well, I suppose that's the circle of life. Maybe we should watch The Lion King again...?

So for now, we're sticking with Mochi. He's filling my son's bucket for the time being. Even though he's kind of an asshole sometimes and he clearly gives zero shits about anything because he's a cat, this stuffed animal has truly been a wonderful gift for my son. Thanks Little Brother and Favorite Sister-in-Law. You guys have outdone yourselves.

Seriously, Mochi. I'm tryin' to work, here!

 

Keep Our Kids Safe

Our whole job, as parents, is to keep our kids safe. Right? I mean, we don't want to just throw them to the wolves.

Well, maybe sometimes...kinda...

So, there's a new law, RCW 46.61.687, that goes into effect on January 1, 2020 right here in Washington that affects my 10-year-old son.

And he is pissed.

Like, so pissed he's stomping around in his room yelling that laws are stupid. And making some kinda racket and his brother, who is significantly larger, is laughing up a storm....

It's kinda funny...and kinda not. I mean, I completely understand being pissed off. But I'm also mostly a dedicated law follower. Mostly. 

But this law is all about keeping our kids safe while they are passengers in moving vehicles.

Here's what the new RCW, which goes into effect on Wednesday January 1, 2020, states: 

• Children up to age 2 must be properly secured in a rear-facing car seat.

• Children ages 2-4 must be properly secured in a car seat with a harness (rear or forward facing).

• Children 4 and older and less than four feet nine inches tall must be secured in a booster seat with seat belt (or continue in harness seat).

• Children over height four feet nine inches must be secured by a properly fitted seat belt (typically starting at 8-12 years old). 

My son is affected because he is less than 4', 9" tall. Like most 10-year-olds, he's incredibly egocentric, and is taking this change in the law personally. I've explained to him that when a law to protect public health is written, a lot of research is conducted by universities, hospitals, and other agencies working together.

In this situation, research was conducted by a pediatrician named Dr. Beth Ebel,  who works at the University of Washington, and happens to study transportation safety at the Harborview Injury Prevention and Research Center. And she practices medicine at Seattle Children's Hospital.

So, she totally has her shenanigans together and she has seen a lot of kids who have had some pretty significant and life-altering injuries due to not being properly restrained when they were in an automobile accident.

She is also responsible for me secretly calling my 10-year-old "Mr. Pissedoff." He does not want to get back in a goddam booster seat, thank you very much! He was done with that shit two years ago. The previous law stated: 

Effective June 1, 2007, children less than eight years old must be restrained in child restraint systems, unless the child is four feet nine inches or taller. A child who is eight years old or older, or four feet nine inches or taller, must be properly restrained either with the motor vehicle's safety belt or an appropriately fitting child restraint system.

I've explained to my 10-year-old that the Washington State Legislature is responsible for writing and passing the law in order to keep kids safe, and that the three men who represent the 24th District are all very aware of health issues and tend to look at what the research and the data show about prevention prior to writing a bill, voting on it, and passing it.

And, then of course, the governor signs the bill, and it becomes law...just like on School House Rock.

He continued to glare at me. Because ultimately, it's my fault. Because I'm the mom.

I pointed out that most of the kids in his fifth grade class were probably going to be sporting new booster seats when school started back up in January. I told him that I can think of two, maybe three, kids in his class who are tall enough to not be in a booster seat. That this law would also be affecting some sixth graders...and maybe even a few seventh graders...?

He sustained his scowl.

I explained that the doctor who is the lead researcher and the reason the law has changed is a doctor who has seen a lot of kids get really messed up in car accidents...life-altering brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, kids end up in wheelchairs, and may not be able to feed themselves any more...let alone throw someone at Hapkido or kick a soccer ball very easily...and that really, her entire job as a pediatrician is to keep kids safe and healthy. She's not out to punish anyone or make life harder for people. That really, the whole philosophy behind injury prevention is to make it harder for people to get hurt. #Duh

He softened a bit and asked when he'll be four-foot-nine. I told him I didn't know...but probably before he gets to seventh grade.

He asked me when he'll be old enough to sit in the front. I told him that currently, the law says he needs to be 13 to sit in the front.

He asked me if I think some kids in his class will be without a booster seat, and will some kids still be allowed to sit in the front seat when they aren't supposed to.

And those parenting questions are always just tricky to answer...because you don't want to put your own judgement on another family...but the law applies to everyone...

So I said that it could be that maybe not everyone is aware of the new law...or that maybe some people aren't able to afford to get a booster seat for their kids...so those parents may need to contact Safe Kids Washington...?

It could be that maybe some people believe that they won't be in a car accident...and they're OK with taking that risk of not putting their kids in a booster seat, or in the back seat. That some people go through life thinking nothing bad will ever possibly happen to them...because that's just how some people roll...?

He said that he expects that some kids will still be allowed to sit in the front seat. I replied that probably, there will still be some kids that sit in the front seat that legally should not be...or some kids that, by law, need to be in a booster seat, but that each family will make their own decisions. In our family, we're getting you back in a booster seat, kiddo.

Forever frowning in order to get his way, he started to complain again. But I'd had enough...so I finally said that perhaps the kids who are not properly restrained aren't loved by their parents in the way that I love him. I told my seething son that if he really wanted to make a change in the world, he could contact the lead researcher...we can look up her email...and he can write her a letter in protest and explain why he believes what he does.

He looked me in the eye and said, "Nope."

And that was that.

So, I'm heading to bed because there may be a run on booster seats tomorrow.

Good night, y'all!

Love,
#MaRa

Head Bitch
Anderson Family Circus

The Valley of the Sun

I descended upon The Valley of the Sun on Thursday, a little more than 48 hours before My Little Brother was scheduled to be married to his Fantastic Fiancé.

Although my flight outta The Emerald City left on time, I had trepidation about leaving. Not so much because of who I was leaving. Or because who I was going to see. It was more about who I was seated next to.

Because, let's face it, you guys, on a jumbo jet, your seat mates could be your lifeline. I mean, we're flying by the Cascade Range and over the Grand Canyon, and do pilots take mental health evaluations?  Jesus. What about that fella that stole a plane at SeaTac? It'll be fine. Maybe the pilot is Iron Maiden front man Bruce Dickinson. Heh. Randy'd be totally jealous. But Dickinson doesn't work for Alaska Airlines. Oh well.

Why is the grown woman next to me wearing glitter finger nail polish? And are they are all different but also seeming to match each finger on her opposite hand...? Oh lawd. This is my curse. I did nails in college and notice such things. Where's my oppressively thick Stephen King book?

Why doesn't her hair move very much? Her hair is past her shoulders. When my hair was long it moved all the time. She must be using a serious amount of hairspray, you guys. At least she, and her hair, aren't all perfumey and going to make me nauseous and want to vomit all over the place.

Wonder Woman Talisman

Wait a hot goddamn minute! Is the younger woman her daughter? Sister? Lover? Wife? You can never tell. Well, they clearly know each other, Doak, so be kind.

Oh Sweet Baby Jesus! She has glitter on her shoes! Where's my Wonder Woman Talisman? I bet she's really soul sisters with one of my favorite Paras, MR (You Glitter Queen, you!). Oh, well, I suppose I'll just look out the window. And read my oppressively thick Stephen King book. No ear buds or music so I can stay alert and aware. Because my seatmates may need to join #TeamAnderson and help the three of us bounce the fuck outta there pronto! You with me?

I had my new Vans on. The Boob Shoes. Because I needed something easy on-easy off getting through security. Also, just so ya know, the shoelaces say "Do It Yourself"...so these are totally on point for me and my family.

The Boob Shoes #Vans

And if I've got boobs on my shoes, she can have glitter on her shoes. It's all good. Just don't shed glitter on me, mkay? Because I'm not shedding my boobs onto you. 

I've descended upon The Valley of the Sun before. The last time was in the late nineties. When my husband and I were dating...and then when we lived in sin...we'd head south on Interstate 17 from Flagstaff to Phoenix for the day. It took about an hour-and-a-half back then...In my day...and because of the numerous mountains and valleys in Arizona, yes, it really was up hill both ways, you guys.

When I lived in Arizona, Phoenix was never a destination for an extended time. It was a stopping place between Flagstaff and Tucson for gas and a bathroom break when I'd head home for a long weekend. Phoenix was a place for concerts. Except that time we were so poor in December 1996 we couldn't go see Garbage open for The Smashing Pumpkins. That defined serious disappointment for me.

So, long story short (too, late, I know)...the passenger next to me was a cervical cancer survivor: she had chemo and radiation, but she never lost her hair...the lucky girl. I told her that when I shaved my head, my older son chose to shave his head...but that my younger son freaked out and ran and hid and we couldn't find him for about 10 minutes. It was scary...to have Mommy look so different. Oh! And the younger passenger was a math major. So, cancer + math = BFF on a 3 hour flight to Phoenix. #Winning

The cancer survivor was heading to The Valley of the Sun for time with her family. She was also going to Sedona. As an alumnus of Northern Arizona University, I recommended she take 89A from Sedona up to Flagstaff. She asked what Sedona was like. I told her that the Yavapai Indians consider Sedona a holy place...but times have changed and sometimes there are people who tape crystals to their foreheads and sit in front of Bell Rock, waiting for a vortex to open. That usually the Vortex Seekers were harmless, but it was a good idea to keep your distance and not interrupt the energy exchange between said Vortex Seeker and the Vortex Site...because you sure as shit do not want to get sucked into a Vortex. It could be like a Black Hole and we'd never see you again. Also, be proud of me, you guys, because I refrained from telling her about Blow Job Rock. No really, it's a thing. You're welcome.

The younger woman was a math major and looking at Grand Canyon University. She asked me what it was like to live in the desert. I told her that during the summer, it's like living in an oven, and you cannot get naked enough to cool off when it's over 100 degrees for over 100 days, but that with the A/C on, you can cool a room down to 72* and have the perception of being cool. I told her that wearing pantyhose in the desert is akin to wearing a scuba suit and trying to walk in water: ZERO FUN. And that, while 100 degrees for over 100 days is completely oppressive, your face will not actually melt off like that Nazi at the end of "Raiders." She was like 16 and did not get my cultural reference, you guys. She said, "But it's a dry heat, right?" And since she's lived her entire life in Klamath Falls, Oregon, and really had no idea WTAF a "dry heat" is...I simply said, "Yes. It's a dry heat," and left it at that.

And, yes, the two women knew each other because they met on the plane from Medford, OR to Seattle. Then they happened to sit next to each other on the flight from Seattle to Phoenix. Sometimes life just works like that. Why they chose to fly Medford-Seattle-Phoenix and not Medford-Portland-Phoenix wasn't discussed. And, really, it wasn't important. My seatmates were delightful and it was a great way to descend upon The Valley of the Sun.

I landed just before lunch and the plan was for The Kid to pick me up at the airport. And so he did. Here we are.

Me and My Little Brother. He's super adorable.

Upon My Little Brother picking me up at the airport, we drove 30 minutes all the way the hell out to East Mesa because he needed up some photo booth thing for the reception. Then we drove 30 minutes back to Phoenix because I was starving. And it was hot. Not melt your face off hot. That shit usually goes down in July. But it was hot for this #PNWWoman.

We ended up eating a delicious vegan lunch at a restaurant called Green New American. An old friend who lives in The Valley of the Sun said this place was delicious. And since The Kid knows his food because he spent a lot of his college career waiting tables, this place was on point and tasted nothing like sticks and leaves. French fries covered in vegan ranch dressing, vegan cheese, and red hot sauce? With a "burger"? Sure. Why not? #WhenInRome

I'm thankful we had the time together, just me and My Little Brother, alone. We had some pretty rich discussions about things related to his wedding: Our Parents, members of the Egyptian Cohort who were also descending upon the Valley of the Sun, my husband and our kids, and life in general. When I asked him if he was happy, he said yes. And I truly believe in my heart that he is.

Since his Beautiful Bride was in clinic until after dinner, and needed to manage the Egyptian Cohort, The Kid and I made a plan to have dinner with just Our Parents. Really it was for me to get eyes on them and for The Kid and I to have time alone with Our Folks. And, it was during this time I learned more about My Parents and their capabilities as senior citizens...and how scary it can be to age.

The last time I had eyes on My Parents, it was in the spring of 2016. It was after My Cancer Adventure...and about six weeks before my husband was diagnosed with his own cancer. And when I last saw them, it was in Tucson. So, seeing them in Phoenix...not in their natural environment...and out of their comfort zone...combined with the myriad emotions that come up during weddings...it was bound to be eye opening for me.

Before My Little Brother and I arrived at the Airbnb my Future Sister-In-Law arranged for My Parents stay at for the weekend...well let's just say that may or may not be a blog post for another time. At this point, I'll simply say that teaching people who are not tech savvy to use an electronic keypad to unlock the front door didn't go over well...my Dad's flip-phone ran out of minutes...and the "helpful neighbor across the street who seemed nice" because he let My Dad use his phone to call My Little Brother...and then My Dad repeated the keypad code to My Little Brother and the neighbor ended up with the code for the keypad...which is essentially the keys to the house...yeah....

So, my entire family is very thankful the owner of the Airbnb was incredibly compassionate, came over and disengaged the electronic keypad, and gave My Senior Citizen Parents a plain old key to get in and out of her rental property. My Little Brother the Public Defender diplomatically pointed out to Our Folks that for all we know, the "nice neighbor" could be the neighborhood meth dealer and my Dad just accidentally gave the keys to the house to him. #Whoops

In a way, I left my family in the Pacific Northwest with all of it's health issues...to go to the Desert Southwest to manage my family with all of it's health issues. It was setting up to be quite a fun-stressful-supportive-crazy-once-in-a-lifetime experience in the Valley of the Sun.

And I missed my husband all weekend.