Keep Our Kids Safe

Our whole job, as parents, is to keep our kids safe. Right? I mean, we don't want to just throw them to the wolves.

Well, maybe sometimes...kinda...

So, there's a new law, RCW 46.61.687, that goes into effect on January 1, 2020 right here in Washington that affects my 10-year-old son.

And he is pissed.

Like, so pissed he's stomping around in his room yelling that laws are stupid. And making some kinda racket and his brother, who is significantly larger, is laughing up a storm....

It's kinda funny...and kinda not. I mean, I completely understand being pissed off. But I'm also mostly a dedicated law follower. Mostly. 

But this law is all about keeping our kids safe while they are passengers in moving vehicles.

Here's what the new RCW, which goes into effect on Wednesday January 1, 2020, states: 

• Children up to age 2 must be properly secured in a rear-facing car seat.

• Children ages 2-4 must be properly secured in a car seat with a harness (rear or forward facing).

• Children 4 and older and less than four feet nine inches tall must be secured in a booster seat with seat belt (or continue in harness seat).

• Children over height four feet nine inches must be secured by a properly fitted seat belt (typically starting at 8-12 years old). 

My son is affected because he is less than 4', 9" tall. Like most 10-year-olds, he's incredibly egocentric, and is taking this change in the law personally. I've explained to him that when a law to protect public health is written, a lot of research is conducted by universities, hospitals, and other agencies working together.

In this situation, research was conducted by a pediatrician named Dr. Beth Ebel,  who works at the University of Washington, and happens to study transportation safety at the Harborview Injury Prevention and Research Center. And she practices medicine at Seattle Children's Hospital.

So, she totally has her shenanigans together and she has seen a lot of kids who have had some pretty significant and life-altering injuries due to not being properly restrained when they were in an automobile accident.

She is also responsible for me secretly calling my 10-year-old "Mr. Pissedoff." He does not want to get back in a goddam booster seat, thank you very much! He was done with that shit two years ago. The previous law stated: 

Effective June 1, 2007, children less than eight years old must be restrained in child restraint systems, unless the child is four feet nine inches or taller. A child who is eight years old or older, or four feet nine inches or taller, must be properly restrained either with the motor vehicle's safety belt or an appropriately fitting child restraint system.

I've explained to my 10-year-old that the Washington State Legislature is responsible for writing and passing the law in order to keep kids safe, and that the three men who represent the 24th District are all very aware of health issues and tend to look at what the research and the data show about prevention prior to writing a bill, voting on it, and passing it.

And, then of course, the governor signs the bill, and it becomes law...just like on School House Rock.

He continued to glare at me. Because ultimately, it's my fault. Because I'm the mom.

I pointed out that most of the kids in his fifth grade class were probably going to be sporting new booster seats when school started back up in January. I told him that I can think of two, maybe three, kids in his class who are tall enough to not be in a booster seat. That this law would also be affecting some sixth graders...and maybe even a few seventh graders...?

He sustained his scowl.

I explained that the doctor who is the lead researcher and the reason the law has changed is a doctor who has seen a lot of kids get really messed up in car accidents...life-altering brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, kids end up in wheelchairs, and may not be able to feed themselves any more...let alone throw someone at Hapkido or kick a soccer ball very easily...and that really, her entire job as a pediatrician is to keep kids safe and healthy. She's not out to punish anyone or make life harder for people. That really, the whole philosophy behind injury prevention is to make it harder for people to get hurt. #Duh

He softened a bit and asked when he'll be four-foot-nine. I told him I didn't know...but probably before he gets to seventh grade.

He asked me when he'll be old enough to sit in the front. I told him that currently, the law says he needs to be 13 to sit in the front.

He asked me if I think some kids in his class will be without a booster seat, and will some kids still be allowed to sit in the front seat when they aren't supposed to.

And those parenting questions are always just tricky to answer...because you don't want to put your own judgement on another family...but the law applies to everyone...

So I said that it could be that maybe not everyone is aware of the new law...or that maybe some people aren't able to afford to get a booster seat for their kids...so those parents may need to contact Safe Kids Washington...?

It could be that maybe some people believe that they won't be in a car accident...and they're OK with taking that risk of not putting their kids in a booster seat, or in the back seat. That some people go through life thinking nothing bad will ever possibly happen to them...because that's just how some people roll...?

He said that he expects that some kids will still be allowed to sit in the front seat. I replied that probably, there will still be some kids that sit in the front seat that legally should not be...or some kids that, by law, need to be in a booster seat, but that each family will make their own decisions. In our family, we're getting you back in a booster seat, kiddo.

Forever frowning in order to get his way, he started to complain again. But I'd had enough...so I finally said that perhaps the kids who are not properly restrained aren't loved by their parents in the way that I love him. I told my seething son that if he really wanted to make a change in the world, he could contact the lead researcher...we can look up her email...and he can write her a letter in protest and explain why he believes what he does.

He looked me in the eye and said, "Nope."

And that was that.

So, I'm heading to bed because there may be a run on booster seats tomorrow.

Good night, y'all!

Love,
#MaRa

Head Bitch
Anderson Family Circus

The Valley of the Sun

I descended upon The Valley of the Sun on Thursday, a little more than 48 hours before My Little Brother was scheduled to be married to his Fantastic Fiancé.

Although my flight outta The Emerald City left on time, I had trepidation about leaving. Not so much because of who I was leaving. Or because who I was going to see. It was more about who I was seated next to.

Because, let's face it, you guys, on a jumbo jet, your seat mates could be your lifeline. I mean, we're flying by the Cascade Range and over the Grand Canyon, and do pilots take mental health evaluations?  Jesus. What about that fella that stole a plane at SeaTac? It'll be fine. Maybe the pilot is Iron Maiden front man Bruce Dickinson. Heh. Randy'd be totally jealous. But Dickinson doesn't work for Alaska Airlines. Oh well.

Why is the grown woman next to me wearing glitter finger nail polish? And are they are all different but also seeming to match each finger on her opposite hand...? Oh lawd. This is my curse. I did nails in college and notice such things. Where's my oppressively thick Stephen King book?

Why doesn't her hair move very much? Her hair is past her shoulders. When my hair was long it moved all the time. She must be using a serious amount of hairspray, you guys. At least she, and her hair, aren't all perfumey and going to make me nauseous and want to vomit all over the place.

Wonder Woman Talisman

Wait a hot goddamn minute! Is the younger woman her daughter? Sister? Lover? Wife? You can never tell. Well, they clearly know each other, Doak, so be kind.

Oh Sweet Baby Jesus! She has glitter on her shoes! Where's my Wonder Woman Talisman? I bet she's really soul sisters with one of my favorite Paras, MR (You Glitter Queen, you!). Oh, well, I suppose I'll just look out the window. And read my oppressively thick Stephen King book. No ear buds or music so I can stay alert and aware. Because my seatmates may need to join #TeamAnderson and help the three of us bounce the fuck outta there pronto! You with me?

I had my new Vans on. The Boob Shoes. Because I needed something easy on-easy off getting through security. Also, just so ya know, the shoelaces say "Do It Yourself"...so these are totally on point for me and my family.

The Boob Shoes #Vans

And if I've got boobs on my shoes, she can have glitter on her shoes. It's all good. Just don't shed glitter on me, mkay? Because I'm not shedding my boobs onto you. 

I've descended upon The Valley of the Sun before. The last time was in the late nineties. When my husband and I were dating...and then when we lived in sin...we'd head south on Interstate 17 from Flagstaff to Phoenix for the day. It took about an hour-and-a-half back then...In my day...and because of the numerous mountains and valleys in Arizona, yes, it really was up hill both ways, you guys.

When I lived in Arizona, Phoenix was never a destination for an extended time. It was a stopping place between Flagstaff and Tucson for gas and a bathroom break when I'd head home for a long weekend. Phoenix was a place for concerts. Except that time we were so poor in December 1996 we couldn't go see Garbage open for The Smashing Pumpkins. That defined serious disappointment for me.

So, long story short (too, late, I know)...the passenger next to me was a cervical cancer survivor: she had chemo and radiation, but she never lost her hair...the lucky girl. I told her that when I shaved my head, my older son chose to shave his head...but that my younger son freaked out and ran and hid and we couldn't find him for about 10 minutes. It was scary...to have Mommy look so different. Oh! And the younger passenger was a math major. So, cancer + math = BFF on a 3 hour flight to Phoenix. #Winning

The cancer survivor was heading to The Valley of the Sun for time with her family. She was also going to Sedona. As an alumnus of Northern Arizona University, I recommended she take 89A from Sedona up to Flagstaff. She asked what Sedona was like. I told her that the Yavapai Indians consider Sedona a holy place...but times have changed and sometimes there are people who tape crystals to their foreheads and sit in front of Bell Rock, waiting for a vortex to open. That usually the Vortex Seekers were harmless, but it was a good idea to keep your distance and not interrupt the energy exchange between said Vortex Seeker and the Vortex Site...because you sure as shit do not want to get sucked into a Vortex. It could be like a Black Hole and we'd never see you again. Also, be proud of me, you guys, because I refrained from telling her about Blow Job Rock. No really, it's a thing. You're welcome.

The younger woman was a math major and looking at Grand Canyon University. She asked me what it was like to live in the desert. I told her that during the summer, it's like living in an oven, and you cannot get naked enough to cool off when it's over 100 degrees for over 100 days, but that with the A/C on, you can cool a room down to 72* and have the perception of being cool. I told her that wearing pantyhose in the desert is akin to wearing a scuba suit and trying to walk in water: ZERO FUN. And that, while 100 degrees for over 100 days is completely oppressive, your face will not actually melt off like that Nazi at the end of "Raiders." She was like 16 and did not get my cultural reference, you guys. She said, "But it's a dry heat, right?" And since she's lived her entire life in Klamath Falls, Oregon, and really had no idea WTAF a "dry heat" is...I simply said, "Yes. It's a dry heat," and left it at that.

And, yes, the two women knew each other because they met on the plane from Medford, OR to Seattle. Then they happened to sit next to each other on the flight from Seattle to Phoenix. Sometimes life just works like that. Why they chose to fly Medford-Seattle-Phoenix and not Medford-Portland-Phoenix wasn't discussed. And, really, it wasn't important. My seatmates were delightful and it was a great way to descend upon The Valley of the Sun.

I landed just before lunch and the plan was for The Kid to pick me up at the airport. And so he did. Here we are.

Me and My Little Brother. He's super adorable.

Upon My Little Brother picking me up at the airport, we drove 30 minutes all the way the hell out to East Mesa because he needed up some photo booth thing for the reception. Then we drove 30 minutes back to Phoenix because I was starving. And it was hot. Not melt your face off hot. That shit usually goes down in July. But it was hot for this #PNWWoman.

We ended up eating a delicious vegan lunch at a restaurant called Green New American. An old friend who lives in The Valley of the Sun said this place was delicious. And since The Kid knows his food because he spent a lot of his college career waiting tables, this place was on point and tasted nothing like sticks and leaves. French fries covered in vegan ranch dressing, vegan cheese, and red hot sauce? With a "burger"? Sure. Why not? #WhenInRome

I'm thankful we had the time together, just me and My Little Brother, alone. We had some pretty rich discussions about things related to his wedding: Our Parents, members of the Egyptian Cohort who were also descending upon the Valley of the Sun, my husband and our kids, and life in general. When I asked him if he was happy, he said yes. And I truly believe in my heart that he is.

Since his Beautiful Bride was in clinic until after dinner, and needed to manage the Egyptian Cohort, The Kid and I made a plan to have dinner with just Our Parents. Really it was for me to get eyes on them and for The Kid and I to have time alone with Our Folks. And, it was during this time I learned more about My Parents and their capabilities as senior citizens...and how scary it can be to age.

The last time I had eyes on My Parents, it was in the spring of 2016. It was after My Cancer Adventure...and about six weeks before my husband was diagnosed with his own cancer. And when I last saw them, it was in Tucson. So, seeing them in Phoenix...not in their natural environment...and out of their comfort zone...combined with the myriad emotions that come up during weddings...it was bound to be eye opening for me.

Before My Little Brother and I arrived at the Airbnb my Future Sister-In-Law arranged for My Parents stay at for the weekend...well let's just say that may or may not be a blog post for another time. At this point, I'll simply say that teaching people who are not tech savvy to use an electronic keypad to unlock the front door didn't go over well...my Dad's flip-phone ran out of minutes...and the "helpful neighbor across the street who seemed nice" because he let My Dad use his phone to call My Little Brother...and then My Dad repeated the keypad code to My Little Brother and the neighbor ended up with the code for the keypad...which is essentially the keys to the house...yeah....

So, my entire family is very thankful the owner of the Airbnb was incredibly compassionate, came over and disengaged the electronic keypad, and gave My Senior Citizen Parents a plain old key to get in and out of her rental property. My Little Brother the Public Defender diplomatically pointed out to Our Folks that for all we know, the "nice neighbor" could be the neighborhood meth dealer and my Dad just accidentally gave the keys to the house to him. #Whoops

In a way, I left my family in the Pacific Northwest with all of it's health issues...to go to the Desert Southwest to manage my family with all of it's health issues. It was setting up to be quite a fun-stressful-supportive-crazy-once-in-a-lifetime experience in the Valley of the Sun.

And I missed my husband all weekend.