I'll be heading out soon.
To the grocery store. Which also happens to be our pharmacy. My kid has epilepsy and is on a lot of pharmaceutical medications to control his seizures. But he still seizes.
So I'll be heading out soon.
Normally this isn't a big deal in my world. I mean, it's just going to the grocery store, walking up and down each aisle and meal planning as I go. Getting food for several days. Chatting with my favorite employees in different departments. Catching up with my favorite cashiers about life. Friendly faces. Paying. Loading up. Going home. No big deal.
There have, of course, been times in my life where going to the grocery store was a huge undertaking and horribly scary. Like the first time I headed out to the grocery store by myself with a brand new baby. WTF? #Terrifying But I eventually mastered that nonsense.
And then I was crazy enough to take both a toddler and an infant? #WhoDoesThat Did I really do that? How do women with more than two kids do this? You ladies are fuckin amazing batshit crazy brave wow good for you! #ItsNotACompetition
I know I had one of those fancy cart cover seats that I made out of fleece and denim so that I put a physical barrier in between my toddler and the germ-infested cart. Jesus, child! Don't gnaw on the cart handle! Who does that?
When I was going through my Breast Cancer Adventure in 2015, going to the grocery store was scary. Why? Because receiving chemotherapies caused my immune system to be weaker. So, I started wiping off the grocery cart handles. And people would give me these looks like I was freak. But then they would see that I was a bald lady and then they'd quickly avert their eyes. As if making eye contact with a bald woman was going to actually give them cancer. My mental health therapist at the time encouraged me to ask for help from the clerks..."Let the courtesy clerks load your groceries in your car, Rachel! You're being treated for cancer, for goodness sake! It's ok to ask for help." I gave myself permission to accept the help from the clerks. And all three boys unloaded all of the groceries when I got home. The kids were in first and third grade; they were much more eager to help back then.
When my husband was going through is Tonsil Cancer Adventure in 2016, I kept wiping cart handles because Sweet Mother of Christ what if I got some germs on my hands and brought those germs home and he contracted whatever illness was carried on those germs and I killed my husband? Seriously. Having cancer in the house one time caused us to re-frame our thinking for everyfuckinthing. Having cancer in the house a second time two years in a row caused us to up our game even more. When your husband is being kept alive by two catheters...one going to his stomach and the other going to his heart...there is absolutely no fucking around with the tightness of the ship you run.
Now that my kids are older, going to the grocery store become a sort of meditation for me. I really do walk up and down each aisle. I really do know that my friend #MaAm totally makes fun of me for doing so bc she's an in-and-out type of gal. I really do meal plan as I go. And sometimes I end up getting things that aren't on the list...because I remember that I need it when I see it. Like dishwasher detergent. Or parchment paper (thanks JT for that brilliant suggestion!).
But now, because of Coronavirus, going to the grocery store has become a big anxiety-causing deal. On the upside, I don't have to go often. #AndAlso I can feed two birds with one hand since our pharmacy is inside our grocery store. #SafewayForTheWin (Also, see what I did there? Feed two birds with one hand instead of killing them? #ImSoClever #Rhetoric #MmmHmm)
We placed an order for delivery from Costco.com, and everything went
really smoothly. I mean, I actually spent less than I normally do. Annnnd I
got paper towels and toilet paper...?! Anytime you can get out of Costco,
especially without going into Costco, for less than $200...? Win!
When I called the grocery store's pharmacy, I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, who, small town, his son used to work for my husband in the Math Lab. Because of the fact that my son takes so many meds, I'm a frequent flyer at the pharmacy, and it's seriously like Cheers when I step up to the counter: everybody knows my name. Also, I'm very thankful for stellar health insurance...but that's a blog post for another time.
According to the American Cancer Society, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it
was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each
person is different. It's important that all cancer patients and
survivors, whether currently in treatment or not, talk with a doctor who
understands their situation and medical history." (para.2) On the one hand, I just celebrated the fifth anniversary of my lumpectomy, and five years is a huge milestone for cancer survivors, so I'm very thankful to be here. On the other hand, my anxiety is sky high because that's just how it is. Also, the last time I was out in the community was on Saturday March 21st...two and a half weeks...it's been a while.
When I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, I reminded him about My Cancer Adventure, and he said that there are special times the store has set aside for folks who may have a compromised immune system: seniors, pregnant women, and others with health issues. He encouraged me to go to the store during that time.
We talked about mailing my son's meds...but we have a PO Box, so that would mean going to the Post Office and risk exposing myself. Because I know that the more places I go, the more exposure to germs I have, the more likely I am to get sick. Or infect my husband, who also happens to have a bicuspid aortic valve and survived staph endocarditis prior to his Tonsil Cancer Adventure. Or I could infect my older son. What's the truth about rationing health care for people living with disabilities? Would the hospital where he was born treat him? How would they manage him? Could I be with him? Because there are stories surfacing that when a person is really sick with Covid-19, they aren't allowed to have visitors. How will that work with my son and his verbal delay and limited cognitive abilities? He's developmentally in the first grade. Would I ever see him again? Or I could infect my younger son, who probably knows more about epilepsy, autism, ADHD, breast cancer, tonsil cancer, and broken arms than most kids who are on the cusp of turning 11. And if I infect him, then he won't go on to earn #AllTheOscars. Or win the Nobel Prize for Whatever. He'll probably petition the Nobel Committee to include Mathematics. Did you know that there is no Nobel Prize for Mathematics? No shit. The Math Prof Rock Star said the legend is that a mathematician ran off with Dr Nobel's wife. But in reality, nobody knows why Nobel chose to not include mathematics. Maybe he just wasn't mathy...?
But he did dig on chemistry.
And that's important to me.
Because my kid needs his meds. To mostly control his seizures.
So I'll be heading out soon.
And, yes, #MaAm, I'll go up and down each aisle. Because who knows when the next time I'll be able to get out.
And we all know dishwasher detergent will be important to have during the next phase of the #Coronapocolypse.
