How's It Hanging

9.5: Hey, Mom! How's it hanging?

Me: They're both hanging fine, thanks.

9.5: smiles and nods as he takes a drink of water.

Me: How's it hanging for you?

9.5: Fine, thanks.

Me: Do you know what that means?

9.5: Ummm...no….

Me: It means you’re talking about your penis.

9.5: No it doesn’t!

Me: Yes it does.

9.5: I'm never saying that again! (Pause) No it doesn’t mean that, Mom!

Me: Yes it does. Go ask Dad. Because, clearly, being a woman, I have no 
idea about penises.

9.5: DAAAAADDDD!!!!! Runs down the hall. Returns about 10 seconds later, 
running at top speed down the hallway into the kitchen.

Me: Well? What’d Daddy say?

9.5: He said it means I'm talking about penises.

Me: It’s fine to talk about penises, we just don’t need to harass anyone about penises. 
Or vaginas.

9.5: Right. Or vaginas, Mom.

Me: Thanks, I. I love you.

9.5: I love you too, Mom. 

Surprise! Surprise!

So, My Little Brother, who is 12 years younger than me and provided me the BEST form of birth control EVER as a teenager, showed up at my younger son's last soccer game of the season yesterday.

They boys had the biggest and best surprise of their lives! Because they really do love their Uncle Sammy. No, he's not Uncle Sam. Never has been, and likely never will be. Because, seriously? In this political climate? No, thank you. 

My Little Brother brought his girlfriend, and they are rather serious. Like, I'm pretty sure they're gonna get married type of serious. You don't trek all the way up to the North Olympic Peninsula from Phoenix, Arizona, with your lady, if you're not serious about this broad.

And it's great! For reals. Because she's an ophthalmologist and his vision has been shit pretty much his whole life. She's got an impeccable future-sister-in-law-bedside manner because, according to her: "he needs some pretty powerful lenses." But, really, we all know he's really just interested in her for her LASIK surgery abilities.

That and our mother is probably thrilled that her son the lawyer is marrying a doctor. Seriously. Because it's all about appearances with my mother. She's a "what would the neighbors think?!" type of a gal.

The last time My Little Brother was on the Olympic Peninsula, was the summer of 2015, when I was going through chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer...and yes, he went with me to chemo...because he's a nice guy. My parents didn't come up. I'm still working on letting go of that...and it's not the point of this post.

The last time I saw My Little Brother I went down to Arizona in the spring of 2016, about 6 weeks before my husband was diagnosed with HPV caused tonsil cancer. He was living with a different woman at that time...and they were completely different. And while I was disappointed they didn't work out, I'm also kinda relieved...because the new girlfriend he's living with...in a completely different house...is delightful.

Like, she doesn't miss a beat, has a quick wit, with a touch of dark humor. We're very much looking forward to getting to know her this week.

They are not staying with us, thank you Jesus.

Partly because we don't really have the living space. I mean, we could make it work if we absolutely had to...but we are thankful they are AirBnB-ing it.

Partly because they are vegan...and the logistics of cooking two dinners...and sometimes I have to throw corn dogs and Ore-Ida French fries at my kids to get food in them...right?!

Partly because I'm recovering from the Ear Infection From Hell...and while I just finished 14 days of antibiotics, I'm still using ear drops 4 times a day (only 4 more days of that)...and nobody wants to deal with house guests when they're recovering from illness. Not to be rude...just being realistic, you guys. 

She has no desire to have kids. And I'm ok with that. Because, really, in the event of something catastrophic happening to my husband and me at the same time, I'll need my brother to step up....

But, if she can survive the week with my crew, and learns more about the Anderson Family Circus, then she's in......