Yeah. That.
Wonder Woman made and bought my coffee. Ok, well, she wasn't really Wonder Woman...but you know what I'm sayin, you guys. And she did make a mean iced coffee on a hot summer day.
It happened on the way home from our first-ever school clothes shopping experience. My soon-to-be thirteen-year-old son was sitting next to me, so I have a witness. And also, no, really...this was our first time ever going school clothes shopping. Because of lots of the numerous and rather intense health issues my family manages on a daily basis.
He really didn't bat an eye either.
Because, duh, it was a hot day and we were shopping down in the Closest Shopping Mecca and we were heading home and I needed a 16-ounce, iced, white chocolate, triple Americano with cream, but easy on the ice please....
So why wouldn't a bodacious young babe with glasses and long brown hair and a nose ring answer the window to a random coffee stand on the highway in the sticks?
Except that she was also in a red underwire Tommy Hilfiger bra and Wonder Woman Blue Underwear with White Stars, complete with a sparkly gold headband with a red star in the middle, and gold wristbands up to her elbows, with a red star on each...to deflect the bullets-n-bullshit....
Girl's gotta earn a living. Shit, I'd do that if I was living a different life...before kids...and who in the goddam still wears Timmy Hilfiger? Tommy? Whateverthefuck.
And it's just a goddamn coffee. I gotta stay awake on the drive. Jesus, you guys. Parenting a child with special needs, while you're driving? Not for the faint of heart.
Anyway, so as she was opening the window, which was a little stuck, I turned to my nearly 13-year-old boy child and said, "Dude! Wonder Woman's gonna make me a coffee! You want anything?"
To which he replied: "Huh?"
Typical. #GoddamnYChromosome
I mean, maybe his reply was because his brain works a little slower due his epilepsy and other neurological challenges. But, he's also an almost teenage boy, and #JesusKnows they don't fuckin' listen.
So I told Wonder Woman that I loved her costume. Just get the bullshit out of the way. I don't care if you're dressed like this because you're coffee stand is popular with the log truck drivers, but I need a goddam coffee and I gotta parent my special needs child who is sitting in the passenger seat, next to me, while I'm driving, for the next 90 minutes. And, fortuitously, your coffee stand is on the right side of the road.
So here we are.
Besides, those bitches in the stand on the other side of the road used too much goddamned ice and I felt I got ripped off, quite honestly.
So I looked up at Wonder Woman and said, "I need a 16-ounce, iced, white chocolate, triple Americano with cream, but easy on the ice please."
"Easy on the ice?" she asked, with her hip out, because she just stands that way, you guys. I don't know. Maybe she's got scoliosis. Regardless, she's hot.
"Yes, please, Wonder Woman. Easy on the ice," I repeated.
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| Wonder Woman Talisman |
I reached in my purse and pulled out my Wonder Woman Talisman that my sons gave me when I went through breast cancer four years ago and I showed it to her.
I flashed the Wonder Woman Barista our mini-me and said, "My sons gave this to me when I went though breast cancer treatment four years ago..." and Wonder Woman Barista looked at me like, "What the fuck?" which is how I'd look at me too...
And then I said, "and I'd sit there during chemo and rub her boobs for good luck..." and Wonder Woman Barista looked at me like a goddamn deer in the headlights because she sure as shit didn't anticipate this conversation...but she nodded her head and said, "Oh! That's great!"...because, what else was she gonna say...?
I think she probably assumed that our interaction, based on her knowing what she was scantily clad in...seeing a woman pull in, with her teenager-ish-looking son...and the mom probably doesn't know this is a bikini barista stand. Because I didn't. And, if I had to bet money, she probably anticipated a rude interaction with her female/momma bear customer and a gawking teenage boy.
There was no rudeness. It was a pleasant interaction. My teenage boy didn't gawk.
And, apparently, they have topless baristas over on the I-5 corridor! I had no idea! For real. Until my friend was over there conducting farming business, because farmers get up early and my friend needed a goddamn coffee and unknowingly pulled in to a topless barista stand. Sometimes I'm so sheltered I scare myself you guys...anyway, the topless barista covered up and had a lovely conversation with my Female Farmer Friend. And I know a lot of Female Farmers. Because #ClallamCountyLiving ...it's gonna trend.
Then Wonder Woman turned and leaned out the window and handed me my 16-ounce iced, white chocolate, triple Americano with cream, and it was easy on the ice. I looked up at her, like the goddess she is, and said, "What do I owe you?" And she said, "Nothing!"
So I made the face you make when someone gives you something that you didn't expect and insisted I pay. To which she replied, "Nope. This one's on me. It's been a pleasure talking with you." I thanked her, and handed her three bucks and told her it's for her "fun fund" jar.
And then I told the Scantily Clad Wonder Woman Barista to make sure she does a breast self-exam...because that's how I found my lump. Also, if you look really closely at my Wonder Woman Talisman, you can see that the yellow from her outfit is worn off, you guys...because rubbing Wonder Woman's boobs while you're going through breast cancer treatment brings good luck.
That's what I told myself anyway.
A little bit of luck, and a whole bunch of research and science.
And gratitude.
For all the things.
