Disappointed

I feel frozen.

It's starting to hit me like a two-ton heavy thing.

We are dealing with a lot as a family.

Nathan's constellation of health issues.

My breast cancer recover.

Randy's tonsil cancer.

We were supposed to go into Seattle today for his post-op, and to get the 17 surgical staples removed.

But last night, as I was driving Isaac home from Hapkido, Randy texted me "Nathan just threw up."

Randy's a sympathetic puker, so I got us home as fast as I could.

It wasn't as bad as I anticipated it to be. Randy did what needed to be done: help Nathan, keep our dog out of the mess, and not throw up himself.

It's not like you really wanna throw up with 17 stainless steel surgical staples in your neck. Right? That would really, really suck.

I got everything cleaned up, and Nathan fell asleep in the living room. When Randy went to take his temperature with the digital forehead thermometer, it wouldn't turn on, so he checked the battery and it had exploded. No thermometer. Acid on Randy's finges. Awesome. This is our life.

Nathan wasn't hot to the touch, and it's not like he could keep anything down; it has to run it's course.

On the way to Hapkido, I had told Isaac about going to the city and getting Daddy's staples out. He was looking forward to riding on the ferry. But he's disappointed about missing school. 

And although he was a little nervous when her told me, his ultimate reply was "Mom, I think I'll be brave enough to go up the Space Needle."

I told him I appreciate his brave heart and his willingness to try, but all we were gonna do was play in a new park and go see The Man ENT. But maybe soon. When Daddy's feeling up for it.... When it's not tourist season.... New park. Pretty much all the parks we'll go to in Seattle will be new. But see what I did there? Yes, sometimes I'm a bad ass.

I also appreciate the fact that I can tell Isaac before we go; and that he keeps it on the down low from his brother. We all know what happens if Nathan knows about something in advance: he gets so wound up and his anxiety goes through the roof...as Isaac says, "Nathan gets crazy!" and yes, yes he does.

As I was tucking the boys in to bed last night, I reminded Nathan that if he needed me in the night, he needed to come get me. I asked him if he remembered where I was sleeping. He replied "In the playroom."

I've been sleeping there since Randy and I got home on May 29th because the incision makes him feel more comfortable sleeping at a 45* angle. I need to sleep flatter than that. A few years ago we splurged and purchased a Tempurpedic adjustable mattress. In hindsight, we should've purchased the split version, so that I could still sleep next to my husband.

At least we have an aerobed air mattress.

Nathan ended up coming in to the playroom about 1 am. He had diarrhea and the sheets needed to be changed. It wasn't awful...he's certainly had worse explosions. We were up for about 45 minutes, which wasn't bad...but really I was up way longer than that...because that's what parents do...lay awake in the dark and try to sleep.

Randy didn't sleep well either. We talked this morning. He thought about going to the city by himself but then remembered he hadn't driven since May 25. He decided to go to the college instead. I was a good decision. 

But today, with the grayness and no sun shining through, and the wind...I'm glad we didn't go to the city; the weather was to similar to what it was like the day of Randy's surgery. Besides, it's a long haul to get there and home. Like 8-9 hours. Especially with two boys, one of who doesn't transport easily on a good day. 

So while I'm glad we stayed home, especially because I got to flatten my own bed and take a much needed nap this morning, while Randy went to work for a few hours, I'm disappointed that we didn't go. Because my husband has 17 staples in his neck, and we have been looking forward to today for nearly 2 weeks. 

I offered to take them out for him, but he declined my offer. The Man ENT said that because they're stainless steel surgical staples, they can stay in for life. And that's cool if you're into that. But we're not into that.