Gratitude, 11/5/15

Today I express gratitude for having the courage to say "I found a lump in my breast."

I am thankful I examined my own breast. 

Have you examined yours?

I did again last month, for the first time since before my lumpectomy back in March.

My heart was in my throat. 

I held my breath and was scared out of my fucking mind. 

Even after going through chemo.

Even after all that shit and being sick and crying and feeling like I was underwater, deeper than I've ever been, deeper than I am comfortable with...trapped...heart racing...scared.

Terrified.

What if...?
 
Tears stream out of my eyes and into my ears. 

The dog barks. Returning my mind to the present.

I'm on my bed. 

My fingertips are on my breast. Thank you, Miss Abby. 

My scar. You're so good to live with me and these crazy men.

Tender. She's the only other female in the house.

My lovely dog who helps me with my cancer. Thank you.

I do love you. 

Even if I'm cranky and I yell. 

I breathe. 

And continue to examine my breasts.

Have you examined yours? 

And if you found a lump, would you have the courage to say, "I found a lump in my breast".....?