Dichotomy

I'm trying to be present.

To be mindful.

To set my intention and be a yogi.

But goddamnit!

The main heat source in our home, our propane heater, has something going on with it and the pilot keeps going out. The repairman can come next Tuesday. Oh, how sweet. A week. At least it's on the calendar.

And the fucking snow is back upon us like a.... This has been the snowiest winter we've had in a very long time here in Western Washington.

And, DeVos. 

I can't right now.

I'll do my 50 burpees, as requested by my sensei. Every time we say we can't do something, we get to do 50 burpees. I'll be slow. But I'll get them done. It won't all be today. I'm shooting to be done by Friday. That's reasonable. My breast and the scar tissue created by surgery have been hurting.

But what about the children?

What will happen to his IEP?

Will they have to pray in school each day?

How many families will eventually protest and pull their kids, causing the entire fucking system to crash?

Homeschoolers on the Peninsula have a significant presence.

Hell yes, I believe in the levy.

And hell yes, I recognize the importance of education. Of my own education. Of theirs. Of ours.

No school yesterday.

Late start and early release today.

And I know the teachers will do their best with the 4-1/2 hours they have the kids for. I mean, let's face it, all the kids are on fire about the snow. I find comfort in the fact that we're not the only family who has children with exploding heads.

I cannot express my appreciation to the teachers for the respite today.

Even if it feels like when they were little and dropped at Montessori for 1/2 the day.

Thank you, Randy, for taking them to school. 

But the snow is coming down.

Again.

So remember to be in the moment.

See the beauty?

The trees are really quite something. Packed in white. Looking incredibly heavy.

My post-radiation breast feels the same way the trees look.

Even after more than a year after finishing treatment.

Fucking cancer.

Will the dark fear of recurrence ever go away?

I know if my cancer comes back, it'll end up in my hips.

Breast cancer does that, you know. 

She's a sneaky little bitch.

And my hips hurt sometimes.

After yoga.

After walking. 

After sex.

Keep moving.

It'll lesson the intensity of the discomfort. The pressure. The pain.

More yoga.

More walking. 

More sex.

I wonder if the tree hurts because of the weight?

The snow is so pretty.

Clean.

Refreshing.

Get outside.

Go for a walk.

Take Abby.

Maybe.

She can be a jackass sometimes. But labs are like that. Perpetual puppies, they are. Especially with all the snow. Hopefully my hips won't hurt too badly afterwards.

Go pee first.

No sense in getting your snow gear on and then realizing you gotta pee.

Remember to focus on the moment.

Namaste'