The Costco Whisperer

I have not dismissed them. They are my parents after all. I have an incredible amount of love for them. 

And a stitch of compassion.

While my husband and our children and I are geographically isolated, I have not abandoned my folks.

When the stay at-home orders caused by the COVID-19 pandemic started in March 2020, my dad, who is an aging Baby Boomer, was understandably very worried about leaving the house. While we didn't know much, we knew COVID was capable of rapidly spreading between people. At the time, most of us were watching as seniors in nursing homes were rapidly dying in large numbers.  Because of science, and the importance of knowing our nation's health history, we know that when community-based illness hit, the young and the old are the most vulnerable. My folks are in a larger city and my dad was on high alert about contracting COVID and meeting his maker. 

Because, then what would happen to Mom? Not that she'd been diagnosed yet. Shhh, don't talk about it, you guys. Remember? #iCulturallyReferenceMyself

sometimes I'm brilliant

At the start of the shutdown, there was also understandable anxiety, and over the first couple of weeks, I had several long talks with my folks. 

They always have me on speakerphone. It's not my favorite but I roll with it, you guys.

In one of our conversations I offered to help them by placing their Costco orders. Online. Because the Internet is awesome like that. 

While I do come from the oppressively misogynistic culture that is the Sonoran Desert, I'm also an adult.

Ultimately, I was happy to help ensure that they at least had enough essentials to survive. I mean, I saw 28 Days Later, you guys. You know what I'm sayin'?

I'm saying that at that point in time, we were coming together as Americans and making sure that we each hoarded as much goddamn toilet paper as we could possibly hoard! 

RIGHT?! #ToiletPaperCrisis2020

Over the past 16+ months, I've had more in-depth phone conversations with my dad...who I love very much...about the different softness levels of toilet paper, than a person ever really needs to in their lifetime. 

Scott toilet paper is no longer something he can use: "It's like sandpaper, ya know what I'm saying?"

Yet, Charmin is too fancy for him. "That's for people with really tender a-holes. I'm not that person. I'm a little tougher than that. I'm a quarter Mexican."

Me: Got it, Dad.

Him: I  mean, I don't have hemorrhoids, or nothin'. I've had hemorrhoids. They are not fun. Did ya ever have hemorrhoids?

Me: Yes, I've had hemorrhoids, Dad. I've been pregnant twice. 

#JesusDad

Him [silence]: Anyway. Do they have the Kirkland brand of TP? That's between Scott and Charmin. It's like a five. On a scale of one to ten, ya know what I'm sayin? It'll do. Get me a couple packages of Kirkland toilet paper if they got it. I mean, they've gotta have it. It's Costco. It's their own brand."

Thank you, Kirkland, for making Dad Approved TP. 

Me: Dad, Costco does have Kirkland toilet paper, but they have a limit on one case. The case contains a total of 30 rolls of toilet paper.

everyone poops

Him: Okay. That'll be fine. As long as your mother or I don't get diarrhea...? I mean, I'll go out sometimes. I gotta get to the lab once a month for my blood draw.

Me: Dad, I got it! One case of Kirkland toilet paper! What else do you need?   

#FocusDad

Him: Ha! I was joking about getting diarrhea! It's not like we're leaving the house. We'll be fine.

Humor always helps, you guys. #PoopJokeFTW

Him: Get two cases, though.

Me: But, Dad, there's a one case limit on toilet paper. I'll check other online retailers and if I find something that's not horribly expensive, I'll arrange for it to be sent. 

Him: That'd be great. Keep checking Costco, too, though. I mean you're on the computer a lot more than me. 

Me: Dad, do you have a computer?

Him: No. I was joking.

I also told my dad that I know he and mom are on a fixed income, and to help, we could also help contribute to the expense of my parents' bimonthly Costco bill. My husband and I were both incredibly lucky, and very very thankful, to both have employment during the shutdown. #gratitude

But Dad sternly refused. "I can pay my own way," he said. "There may be a time where I'm not gonna be able to pay my own way and then you can pay my way. But right now, I'm paying for this. No. But thank you."

Me: Got it, Dad. And you're welcome. I'm happy to be able to help you and Mom with the Costco ordering online. The order has been placed and will be to your home within two hours.

Mom: That's amazing! Thank you, Rachel.  

Me: You're welcome, Mom. 

Today I am thankful Mom still knows my voice.

Over time, we worked out a system where I called once each week, and if I needed to be The Costco Whisper, then I'd place their order...and as if by magic...or perhaps a series of tubes...within a couple of hours, their purchase would be delivered to their door and unloaded into their garage by the Instacart shopper.

And, by the way, Dad, we always always always over-tip service people who are working during a respiratory pandemic. This is an incredible service folks are providing. Let's be thankful for the opportunity to help keep people employed. Because, really, we don't know what they are dealing with, but we are sure thankful to see them with all of our stuff. Seriously, you guys. #gratitude

Elsa letting it go

After the delivery was made and unloaded by the Instacart shopper onto the folding table in the garage, my dad proceeded to then wipe everything down with an anti-germ wipe and let it dry (his choice; let it go). He then brought his items inside and put everything away.

Then he'd call me. I'd ask him how the delivery went and made sure all items were delivered. I'd also give him the total amount of the bill, including the tip being agreed upon in the first phone call when I placed the order.

Sometimes he'd tell me to tip a couple of bucks extra and his feedback would be, "She was a real nice gal." 

Other times he'd provide me a commentary on the Instacart shopper's cuteness, but in a super sly way: "It's a hot one out today, so I slipped her an extra ten bucks."

To clarify, that roughly translates to "it's 100 degrees out today and that gal was so foxy she could have been in a 1980's ZZ Top video." 

Instacart women of the Sonoran Desert are so attractive they make men weak. That's a serious Super Power, you guys.

Me: Dad, I am paying for everything on my credit card. But, yes, go ahead and tip the cute ones extra cash if you need to.

Him: I'm an old man, honey. I'm not dead. Yet. 

Me: It's all good, Dad. No worries.

He'd then tell me when he was planning to mail the check, complete with a list of stops the mail would make between our cities, and predictions of when I should look for it in my post office box. 

He's usually pretty accurate. 

You guys, maybe my Dad could be The Mail Whisperer.  

 

School is Coming

It's looming.

Whether we all want to deal with it or not.

School is coming.

No matter the choice we make with and/or for our children and family members, it's the right one. There is no right or wrong.

There's no judgment here. You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

We've made our decision, as a family, based upon our family's health history and dynamic, as well as both parents professions. My family will be doing online learning. Yes, because both parents are online educators. But also because the start of the school year always brings home the myriad illnesses, and what could be a sniffle in my 11-yr-old could be a life-altering, or perhaps -ending, disease in my almost 14-year-old, me, or my husband. #AndAlso bc that's what we as a family collectively decided. Oh, and #Science and #Data also play a big part in our decision making, too.

So, the institution for which my husband and I are employed decided during the spring quarter that we would be online for fall. Except for specific programs and labs, for which there will be social/physical distancing requirements, including masks covering the nose and mouth. Please contact your advisor for further information. Also, we are, as an institution, still open and operating during the summer, and many of us are even prepping for the fall quarter...

...and here y'all thought we did nothing but sit around gettin some type of cancer or a broken arm every summer! Nope, we're working! #TeamAnderson

But, anyway. Distance learning...my husband and I chose to have a discussion with our sons about what our employer had planned...and what we anticipated public school to look like for them upon their return in the fall. We talked about masks covering their nose and mouth, the physical distancing, we didn't know what PE or recess or assemblies would look like...but to not even worry about those pieces yet. This was one of many conversations with my children throughout the spring...and ultimately, my community was waiting for our local school district to make decisions about how to best offer learning opportunities for the community given the pandemic...and we weren't gonna know anything until at least the end of June or early July.

When the opportunities were presented, we provided the information to our children.

We talked about the ABAB face-to-face model as a learning opportunity, where they'd go to school on a staggered style: Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday, with Wednesday being an online learning day...or maybe a massive cleaning day. Both? And my kids were a firm no on that. Because, as my 11-year-old son pointed out, why bother going for two days and risk getting anything, let alone COVID? #HesASmartCookie

While my husband and I made the decision back in the spring regarding what to do with our children's education in the fall, we wanted to give our kids the information and give them the opportunity to think about the options, and come to conclusions on their own. #Democracy

Yet, we also wanted to gently guide them and encourage them to not go to school because #Parenting

 

We kept close eyes on what universities and colleges across America decided regarding the fall term. When the entire University of California System said no face-to-face learning for the fall...as educators, we knew those universities made the right decisions for their communities.

We also looked at the data trends within Clallam County. On the one hand, it's kinda cool that we can start to see trends in the data and now have enough cases that we can get a break-down by age and regional distribution of COVID-19. On the other hand, this means we're seeing an increase in cases in our county, and we all need to recognize that we are all living here together and to please do our best to follow the rules and wear masks. Please. And thank you.

The local county health department data show, at the time of this writing, that the highest numbers of cases were in the following age ranges: 20 cases of 10-19 year olds; and approximately 17 cases in the 50 year olds. And that's my family of fellas. Except me: I'm in my late 40's and there's only like six cases...so my age group is low because we're all dealing with oppressive midlife crises and are masking up. Oh, and of course the kids in their 20's also have about 18 cases, according to local data...but everyone knows you're invincible in your 20's...right? #sarcasm 

 

But, the point is, you don't want to be on the bar graph. You with me? For real.

So, am I sending my children into the Petri dish that is school? #FuckNo

You are? Fantastic. Good for you. Totally support you. Totally. Because I have absolutely no idea what your life is like, and I'm absolutely not judging you. I have confidence that you had numerous discussions with your children and family members and that you making the best decision with and for your children and family.

Because we can't NOT talk about COVID. It has consumed our culture. My kids incorporate it into their play. I tell my nearly 14-year-old son, the one who is developmentally delayed...yeah, I say, "Wash your hands and make big bubbles. You need to get rid of all the COVID." For real. I wish I didn't have to say things like that to my son; but I get to. #ISurvivedBreastCancerForThis

I also wish our country, our economy, and our culture did not make it so parents are actively having to choose between being employed and caring for children. I hope someday that people are not forced to choose between caregiving and employment.

I recognize that my level of education, the color of my skin, my gender and my chosen profession award me certain benefits and that I am very fortunate to be employed and that my family has health insurance. Because my family is expensive.

Why? My family has been hit by lightning too many times. I've bloodied my knuckles climbing out of pediatric neurological disorders, as well as mine and my husbands cancers, and the unimaginably seriously fucking oppressive stress that naturally accompanies those life-threatening health issues.

So, sending my kids to the school during a pandemic? Even though the numbers in my county are still, kinda...currently...low? No. I'm just not into borrowing trouble.

My older son, needs 1:1 support throughout much of his day...and so how's that gonna work with physical distancing? Not to mention the stress of having to keep a mask on all day. And see classmates and teachers in masks? Ummm...#Anxiety much? He's got a formal diagnosis of anxiety, so how in the fuck do you work all of that mask-wearing, hand-washing, physical distancing in to an Individualized Education Plan?

I have zero desire to deal with that. And, thankfully, neither does my kiddo with special health needs. #HesASmartCookie

Oh, and have I mentioned he's o

All the pharms
(top, AM doses; bottom PM doses)

n a shit ton of medication to help control his seizures? The upside of him being home since mid-March is he's now having fewer seizures because he's not plugged into a computer all fuckin day like he was at school, thank you very much. I mean, if he's gonna be plugged in all day, he can do that shit at home, bitch. #ForReal #YouGuys

 And this kid always, always, gets hit the hardest and the longest during cold and flu season...his body works really really hard to process all the hundreds of milligrams of anti-seizure meds.

#AndAlso the price of said anti-seizure meds: $850 a month.

 

#ThankYouUniverseForHealthInsurance

Honestly, the kid's as happy as a clam sitting in his room making playlists on his Alexa Dot, playing with his Rubik's cube. Hanging with Mochi.

Mochi's favorite mask. For real. He's a fan.

He's having an ok summer. He is glad to get out of the house and go to Hapkido twice a week. He and I are training partners, and we're having a lot of fun throwing each other around and learning how to correctly break each other in half! 

But 11...he's a little more tricky...like many of the neurotypcial younger siblings that I know, my second son is much more social than my first. He misses his best friend, as well as his Hapkido training partner, both of which are wonderful and amazing young ladies. It's his fabulous man hair. He gets that from me, you guys. Because he certainly doesn't get it from his father. #Bald

 

And it's not that my kids don't want to go to school. They do. They miss their friends and the trusted adults they work with. My kids miss sports. My kids miss life as they knew it and absolutely long for a sense of normalcy in all of this craziness.

While I understand that there's a longing in people to "get back to normal"...in my mind, there is no "going back".... Really, we can only keep moving forward.

When I had my first needle biopsy done on my breast, before we knew I had cancer, I remember that the female tech that was assisting the physician told me that the first needle biopsy was always the scariest because it's a brand new invasive test. And then she said that she was a stage 4 breast cancer survivor, she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction (didn't plastics do a fine job? she was quite pleased) and that her cancer experience caused her to learn to live differently for a while...and she learned to live in a new normal.

My 11 yr old and his new Star Wars mask

That woman and her words have stayed with me for five years. And I think that's what we all need to do is learn to live differently for a while.

But to define "a while"...I have to look to the last pandemic which was the 1918 Spanish Flu. And that motherfucker raged our planet for two full years. And ya know how they got rid of it? Masks! For real! And, by the way, masks were political 102 years ago. There was even an Anti-Mask League based in San Francisco.

 

During the Spanish Flu pandemic, schools in major cities remained open, at risk to students and teachers. And, of course, the families supporting the kids and the adults. But back then, "Some cities, such as Boston and New York City, established school corps, comprised of medical inspectors who made daily rounds through the public schools to determine the health status of individual children and entire classrooms."

 

Wait! What? They had physicians in public schools who had eyes on kids every day. Can you imagine if we had that now? Even before COVID? 

 

But, back in 1918, many American families didn't have flushing toilets and hot running water from a tap in their homes. And bathrooms in NYC? #forgitaboudit Bathrooms were communal. You, me, my family, you family, and probably all the families on the entire floor of our highrise apt are sharing that limited space. #germs Oh, and someone would have to be responsible for running the chamber pot downstaris to the Night Soil Removers. #forreal

Or, you could just take a dump in the outhouse on the corner. Your choice. 

Thankfully, many people in Western cultures now get to poop in a toilet in their own bathroom and wash their hands with hot water from the tap. But, not everyone in the world is as lucky as us. And if you wanna learn more, please feel free to check out this TED Talk called Let's Talk Crap. Seriously. It's brilliant. 

But, let's get back to school. Because school is coming.

 

And so, if it means you're choosing to not send your kids to school, and do whatever type of learning works best for you and your family...? That is fantastic. 

And if you are sending your kids to school...? That is equally fantastic.

 

But, I have the some questions. And, no, I'm not starting a fight. These are legit questions I have, and I'm curious to know if other people are thinking about this, too...?

What about immunocompromised elders? And I'm not talking grandparents. Parents are elders too. What about parents?

What about immunocomopromised children who are at school? How will those kiddos stay safe? 

Why did the GOP cancel their national convention in Florida? Why did the individual currently occupying the Oval Office say "I looked at my team and I said the timing for this event is not right. It's just not right with what's been happening." Translation: my handlers said I can't have a pep rally for me bc COVID. #Hypocrisy

But the GOP wants to send your kids & teachers to school? So, in my mind, they are saying "we're more important than you, so we're canceling our biggest in-person event of the entire year, but you peasants can just go to school." Why are people accepting this bullshit? Because that's exactly what the fuck it is: BULLSHIT.

What about the pictures of reopened schools that are making their way across the internet? You know the ones...where kids are seen crowded together in hallways and classrooms and maskless? And what about that little second grader down in Georgia who tested positive for COVID on the first day of school? FIRST DAY! Sweet Baby Jesus! How many people did that little dude expose? 

 

Or what about an entire fourth grade class in North Carolina, who are now quarantining? Worth noting: the individual currently occupying Number One Observatory Circle, who is commonly known as Pence...as well as Secretary of Education DoucheVos personally visited this chain of private schools and chose to not wear masks. So, lemme get this straight: they visited a private school, told the folks at the school how important it is that they are opening, but refused to wear masks so they didn't protect anyone? Um...way to model that example there, federal administrators.

How do you feel about the fact that some teachers are preparing wills as they get ready to go back to school? I mean, it's absoultely a great idea that if we are adults that we have a will in place. Especially if we have children. Because, if something unexpected and potentially catastrophic were to happen to you and or your children's other parent...speaking from experience...it's a damn good idea to have one. But as part of prep for the school year...?

If you send your child to school, who is responsible for providing the mask your child is going to wear?

And, did you know that the recommendation from Johns Hopkins Medicine is to wear the mask once? ONE TIME! And then you gotta wash it! So, basically, you gotta treat your mask like it's shitty underwear. Parents, are you hearing me? And, no, you don't get to turn your mask inside out and wear it a second time. Masks are a one shot deal, if you will. #shotmywad So, do you have enough masks, and enough laundry detergent, to keep up? And do you have the time and energy to wash your children's masks each day? #BossLevelBitchChores

 

Finally, how in the goddamn are teachers supposed to keep kids physically distant during an active shooter drill? Or an actual active shooter? I know. They'll all hide like they're supposed to. But, still. This is a real-life situation that students, teachers, and administrators are gonna need to deal with.

 

I get it. This is a really big fuckin deal. Nobody likes change. 

 

I get that schools are responsible for so much more than "just" educating our kids. Health care, nutrition, child care, making sure they are safe and loved while they are at school which is basically mental health care. So, if schools are that important, why is the fed cutting funds and cutting funds and cutting funds and expecting teachers to do more and more and more with less and less and less? And, by the way, the individual currently occupying the Oval Office can't just cut funding to schools. Motherfucker's mouth runs faster than his atrophying brain.

 

But every time Governor Inslee makes an announcement people "can't even with him" and they "need to take a social media break." I get that people don't like the fact that the man is the bearer of news they don't want to hear. But really, if you don't like the fact that Governor Inslee is relying on scientific data to make decisions about your health, there are several states that don't rely on data and I'm sure they'd be happy to receive you. Please feel free to look into Arizona, Texas, and/or Florida, where the governors of those states are totally fuckin Mochi about the health of their constituents.

 

Is Inslee doing the right thing by saying that schools can reopen based upon the county's caseload. Today, that's the right decision.

 

Do I anticipate that it will change? Absolutely. 

 

I think it's a good idea to cancel sports? As much as it sucks, yes. Please note, both of my children are athletes. 13 is a gold medalist in Special Olympics Basketball. And he has kicked some major ass in SO Bowling. And 11 is Messi (aren't they all?). And yes, they absolutely miss their sports. And yes, my husband and I absolutely miss watching them play.

And, as much as Inslee is the one saying what he is, he's getting recommendations from the Washington State Deparement of Health as well as the Washington Office of Public Instruction. 

 

I don't think he wants to be the bearer of this news. But it's his job. And I anticipate his job is gonna get a little tougher as we get closer to the school year starting in September. And then into the fall and even into the winter. Becasue, no matter how badly we want it to go away, COVID is gonna be here. 

 

And I think we all need to be prepared that even if everyone does go back to school, there's a good chance we'll have a second wave...pay attention the history of diseases. The Spanish Flu of 1918...? Three waves and 50 million deaths worldwide. So look alive, please! #payattention

 

Vaccine? Too soon. The quickest turn around for any vaccination to be successfully created and properly tested was four years, and it was for the mumps. In 1963, a child named Jeryl Lynn was sick with the mumps. Fortunately for her, her dad was a microbiologist named Maurice Hilleman...and as luck would have it, he specialized in vaccinology (no really, it's a thing). So, basically, he used his daughter's mumps and created the vaccine, and then it was tested in rats and then in people and then in 1967, the vaccine was licensed and mass produced and that's why mumps is no longer a childhood illness. You're welcome. And, worth noting, Hilleman is responsible for creating a whole bunch of vaccines and keeping us healthy. Check out the link I provided on his name. And thank you, Dr Hilleman. I sincerely wish you were with us today to help with the current pandemic.

 

So, anyway, my point, wrapping all of this up because it's #bongthirty or #wineoclock somewhere, is that we all get to learn to live differently for a while. 

 

And if that means you are choosing to send your kids to school because of your reasons, that is totally fantastic. Good luck.

 

And, if you're choosing to do homeschool, or virtual school, or even take a year off of providing a "formal" education for your kids, that is equally fantastic. Unschooling is cool.

The bottom line is we're all making what we feel are the best decisions for our family. And we need to support one another in those decisions.

 

You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

And thanks for reading. x

#ClusterFuckShitShow

Well things in our nation have certainly turned into a bigger #ClusterFuckShitShow much faster than mostly anticipated...mostly.

I'm not quite sure where to start...yet again...about the events as they've unfolded in the last few weeks, but can say for certain that on Monday June 8, the Washington State Department of Health stated:

The Washington State Department of Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention now recommend that people wear cloth face coverings when they are in public settings where they cannot maintain 6 feet of distance from others.

Don't blame Inslee for all of it. I mean I'm all for blaming the old white dude in the room, but it's deeper than him. While Inslee is far from perfect, he's not the Governor Douchey...Ducey of Arizona, who reopened his entire state, and is now seeing huge increases in the number of cases across the state, and then had the fucking balls to say, "we all just gotta learn to live with it"? In spite of the fact that evidence is coming in that wearing a fitted mask to cover our mouth and nose...oh...wait...SCIENCE!

And, let's just get this outta the way here and now. Your mask needs to cover your mouth and your nose. Otherwise, this is what I'll see. Every. Time.

Now you'll see it, too. You're welcome.

Anyway,  Inslee's basing his decisions about your health on data that the epidemiologists and biostatisticians at the Department of Health's of Communicable Disease Epidemiology are mathing up. Oh, #AndAlso, did you know that there are shit ton of communicable diseases these people track? For real. Check out this link for a cool table. #ImAGeekLikeThat #HealthData

Anyway, so get your masks on. And be sure to wear it to your local Black Lives Matter Protest! #ForReal But, only go if you're capable of going, you guys. My family was incapable of going to the protest in our community. For lots of reasons, that I really don't need to list, right...? I mean.... #PayAttention #Please #YouGuys

If you wanna blame someone, or something, blame the virus. But know that the virus itself is not in your control.

And I'm not gonna go on with some "we can only control our own reaction" nonsense because no. Just no.

I've been watching my older son seize for ten years. His epilepsy is not in my control.

When I had breast cancer five years ago, what happened to my body was not in my control.

When my husband went through HPV-caused tonsil cancer four years ago, how he responded to his surgeries and medications were not in my control.

Three years ago, with less than two weeks left in the school year, when my younger son fell off the goddamn monkey bars at school and broke his radius and ulna in his dominant arm and ended up in a full-arm cast for the entire summer. Guess what? Not in my control.

#ThankJesus my kid taught himself how to wipe with his left arm and hand. You know what I'm saying.

But, if you will, he also created some fantastic art, during the summer of 2017, pictured below, #ProudMomMoment

Wonder Woman pencil sketch, and Greta.

This picture hangs on my bedroom wall, on my side of the bed that I share with my husband. Our son was 9 at the time, just finished second grade, where he learned so many different ways to write the date (thanks Mrs N! You rock!) wrote, in very small print, "I did this with my left hand". #OfCourseHeDid

Also worth noting, 2017 is the year Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman exploded on our culture. And fuck yes we took the boys to see it! #DUH my kid drew this after we saw the movie. It was really pretty cool.

Oh and, let's not forget that we Andersons absofuckinlutely do things to balance the Force because, two years ago, when my younger fell off the goddamn monkey bars at Hapkido and bow-fractured his non-dominant arm at the end of the summer and ended up starting the fourth grade with a half-armed cast.

#OfCourseHeDid

#NotInMyControl

#MyLifeIsAComicBook
 
Annnnyyyyywaaayyyy, my point, of course, is that the current Coronavirus pandemic is absolutely not in our control. We can do things to prevent contracting it, like staying home, wearing a mask, and, if we feel safe, we can Bubble with others. NPR has a great 4 minute podcast that explains bubbling.  (Based upon his voice he can totally be in my bubble, yo! #ImASuckerForAccents)

Our federal leadership has failed spectacularly at it's public health campaign, with the idea that a virus is a business to manage. The individual currently occupying space in the Oval Office has decided to halt funding to the World Health Organization. As if you can just stop doing business with the health of the world. Our health is not a switch that can be turned on and off...or a contract written only to then be renegotiated or terminated.

And as of today, Friday June 26, we in Washington State are required to wear a mask while in public. We were all given a choice to be responsible citizens, but some of us had to go and fuck it up for everyone. So now we all get to wear our masks, all the time. Except you! Lady at JoAnn's who was with her daughter and think we don't see you. Rude. And dammit it's getting more and more challenging to recognize folks...but on the other hand it's a little bit easier to avoid some...we all have them and we all are them.

So you may be asking, "Well, why do I need to wear a mask that covers both my mouth and my nose?" Because #JesusRachel get to the bigger point!

The reason we need to wear masks is to protect other people. I wear a mask to protect you from contracting the Coronavirus. Because I care about you. Even though I don't know you. I recognize you as a part of my community, and to protect your health, and even the health of the people you live with, I'm willing to wear a mask when I am in public in my community.

This isn't about the government telling me what to do. Because, really? #fuckthat This is about a basic humanitarian level of caring about each other. Yet, perhaps not shockingly, wearing a mask has become political in America. And the irony is not lost on me that an entire group of people are completely pissed off that the government is telling them what to do with their body is, by and large, the same group of people who are attempting to control the health care rights of women's bodies, all while stripping health care rights away for all Americans...in the midst of a pandemic.  #FuckinSickos

I'm still over here trying to wrap my brain around why access to health care, and health care in general, are not a right as an American Citizen. Years of research have proven that having a higher education leads to better paying jobs, better health insurance, and better health care. There's a strong correlation between socioeconomic status, color of skin, and level of education. It's an area of study called Health Disparities.

So, by that, I think I'm safe to say that being a white woman married to a white man, and we both have Master's Degrees, he has great health insurance and we have this thing called, dare I say, "White Privilege." Stop clutching your pearls. It's not that shocking. And oh for fuck's sake I'll push even harder and say that my white privilege even helped me survive breast cancer. My husband survive his tonsil cancer. And #JesusKnows that having stellar health insurance makes it easier to afford the myriad medications my 13-year-old son has consumed since he was four in order to keep his seizures mostly under control.

But you guys, here's the thing. I recognize that I'm part of a community. And most of the people I choose to associate with recognize that they are a part of a community. So, when I choose to wear a mask in public, I'm choosing to say "I see you and I don't want to get you sick." Because the bottom line is I don't know if I'm shedding Coronavirus. I'm pretty sure I'm not, because there's a low community transmission rate in our county, and my family is on a pretty tight lock-down in that we have not traveled off the Peninsula since before the outbreak. But what about other people? Where have they traveled?

By not wearing a mask, are you're choosing to say "I am incapable of seeing the forest for the trees"? Are you saying that you don't care about the people in your community?

Are there exceptions? Absolutely. And you can read more about them by clicking on this link. 

But right now it is goddamn late and I am tuckered out, you guys. Thanks for reading. And, keep your nose in your mask. #ISeePenises

Love and feathers,
#MaRa

Headed Out

So...it's been awhile...

And somehow saying, "Greetings and salutations!" doesn't seem quite right.

How's the Stay Home Order treating you and yours? Who's on you're #quaranteam?

I mean, at least we don't have 36 goddamn inches of snow on the ground...which...depending on if you're a Stephen King fan or a Twilight Zone fan...has the potential for a little fun...Yeah....

Anyway, so my family is managing, like any family, to the best of it's current ability amid the Coronavius Pandemic. Many families are in survival mode. And survival mode sucks. Speaking from experience as a mom of a 13-year-old boy who is living with a rare form of epilepsy, and has been seizing since he was 3...I get it. Survival mode completely fucking sucks. Oh, and cancer in each parent in two years was also survival mode. Subsequently, this survival mode is just how my home functions on the daily because epilepsy, autism, and surviving cancers is, thankfully, how we roll here at The Anderson Family Circus.

At first, my husband and I largely took turns leaving our home during the Stay Home order. Since I'm the Purchasing Department and the Creative Culinary Force/Primary Food Source, I'd make a trip to Safeway...which is a blog in and of itself. My husband, in order to escape the Monkey House, would make the trip all the way into town to go to the Post Office. Which, in our world, is a guarantee of 40 minutes alone time, round trip. We discussed logistics of our new to us as a family version of survival mode, and agreed to use InstaCart for our Costco Purchases.

Anyway, so collectively, the four of us have not left our home together as a family since Wednesday March 18th. The weekend before, everything had come to a screeching halt, and our school district was emailing parents each day with the rapidly changing shit show in the earliest days of the Coronavirus Pandemic. Wednesday was the first day students were permitted to retrieve their

belongings, and, in this instance, better an hour early than a minute late. Get in, get out, get on with life. #LifeNeverGoesAsPlanned #StoryForAnotherTime But I will say that not everyone was able to pick up his belongings. Some people are amazing and get kids and understand how community works. Other people don't.

Annnnnyyyyyyyyway...third Saturday in May was our first venture out, as a family, in two solid months. And, yes, we wore our masks. Because it's all the rage. And alllllll the cool kids are doing it. #AndAlso the CDC says. In my house, tend to subscribe to the fascinating belief system called science!






Science is really cool.

You guys, I really captured our essences with watermelon, cats, Spirograph, and Star Wars fabrics. #Obvs

So aside from the fact that the CDC recommends them and I totally #NailedIt with these fabulous fabrics, and we look like a goddamn bunch of badasses, why am I wearing a mask? Because of my Cancer Adventure in 2015. My husband is choosing to wear a mask because of his own Cancer Situation (can we call it that? Cancer Situation? Can we finally name it?) in 2016. #AndAlso the American Cancer Society, who is responsible for a lot of sciencey stuff, says, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each person is different."

My family is different. We've been struck by lightening. Several times, actually. So I prefer to not call down the thunder. The Fates.

Because the stories of kids contracting Coronavirus...and a parent not being able to go in. What? You mean if one of my children contracts COVID-19 and is hospitalized, my husband and/or I would not be permitted to be with him? I can't even wrap my brain around that. What if it's my child who is disabled and what about his meds and how will he take them and can I get his CBD oil in him and how will he understand what you're doing to him and WAIT! 

So now up here in Washington State, and specifically in my little community, where you can get dirty looks at the Post Office for wearing a mask while walking towards your hybrid...maybe she just had RBF...but the sticker on her rig told me otherwise...we're getting ready to go into Phase 2. On Monday, June 1st. So, like tomorrow. And as a cancer survivor who was a cancer care giver and we have a kiddo with myriad neurological disabilities, reopening is fucking terrifying. My former home state of Arizona recently reopened and apparently Mill Ave was hopping like there wasn't a respiratory virus running around. WTF Tempe? Get your shit together. #FuckinMaricopaCounty #ScumDevils

Will communities that reopen see an increase in cases? Absolutely. The good thing about living up here on the North Olympic Peninsula, we have been lucky to have (a) a very low number of cases, and (b) no community transmission. Basically, everyone who's been diagnosed with Coronavirus in Clalllam County contracted the disease when they traveled outside of the county. So they got up and bounced over to Seattle...and then they got the 'rona, and then they brought it home. Does this concern me? Absolutely. I get it: sometimes we need to travel. But right now, we all need to figure out what's an essential trip and what's not. We need to make health decisions not only for ourselves, but for our community. And by wearing a mask, I'm saying: "I see you. I recognize that I do not know if I've been exposed to Coronavirus. But I do not want to risk your health."

It's kinda like saying, "Hey, I'm really sexually active and I need to use a condom, not because I am worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's still have sex. But be safe about it."

In this example, we're saying we like to have sex. Right? Totally on board with that. But can you imagine if HIV was transmitted as easily as Coronavirus? "Hey, I'm really into breathing and being alive and I need to wear a mask, not because I'm worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's breathe the same air. But be safe about it."

So, as a woman who's family has been the beneficiary of an incredible and selfless team of people who have picked up the shattered pieces of me, I wear my mask for you. I wear my mask for the kids who are dealing with all the health issues, and who absorb so many fuckin needle sticks and electrodes and tests and surgeries that an adult would cave. Those kids are already used to people wearing masks and gloves. Reading people's eyes. Knowing kindness. Or malice. Based solely upon the person's eyes.


And what is that going to look like for all of the people who were out protesting yesterday? Will there be an increase in the number of Coronavirus cases across the country? Absolutely. And how do you feel, knowing that the United States of America is leading the pack with the number of deaths caused by this disease? Is it a badge of honor for you? Have we, culturally, really become that desensitized to death?

Maybe the protesters aren't "just" protesting the systemic racial injustice that they have experienced for hundreds of years in a country they were forcibly brought to. Maybe there was a little bit of angst about the fact that blacks are dying at significantly higher rates from like, every goddamn disease, including Coronavirus?

So, when we re-open tomorrow, will much change for us as a community? No. However, our summertime tourist season is fixing to start and while we are all relying on that influx of money, it may or may not come immediately...but it will come, and with it will come an increase of cases. When we look at pandemics over time, let's say the Spanish Flu, which is also called the 1918 Flu, and, curiously, started on an Army Base in...wait for it...Kansas! It's called Spanish Flu because Spain wasn't involved in WWI and their press was free to report about this emerging illness, the US, France, Germany, and others, all perceived that the Spanish "started" the flu. Anyway a hundred years later, estimates of 20 million to an 50 million people died during the 1918/Spanish Flu Pandemic. That's a lot of goddamn people you guys...

So second wave...it's coming. For all of us. When? I don't know, you guys...because, again, I'm not an oracle. I'm just a mom that's gotta get dinner going for her kids, ya know?

Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there. And most importantly, please be kind. You can never tell what a person is dealing with, just based on the eyes above their face mask.

Heading Out

I'll be heading out soon.

To the grocery store. Which also happens to be our pharmacy. My kid has epilepsy and is on a lot of pharmaceutical medications to control his seizures. But he still seizes.

So I'll be heading out soon.

Normally this isn't a big deal in my world. I mean, it's just going to the grocery store, walking up and down each aisle and meal planning as I go. Getting food for several days. Chatting with my favorite employees in different departments. Catching up with my favorite cashiers about life. Friendly faces. Paying. Loading up. Going home. No big deal.

There have, of course, been times in my life where going to the grocery store was a huge undertaking and horribly scary. Like the first time I headed out to the grocery store by myself with a brand new baby. WTF? #Terrifying But I eventually mastered that nonsense.

And then I was crazy enough to take both a toddler and an infant? #WhoDoesThat Did I really do that? How do women with more than two kids do this? You ladies are fuckin amazing batshit crazy brave wow good for you! #ItsNotACompetition

I know I had one of those fancy cart cover seats that I made out of fleece and denim so that I put a physical barrier in between my toddler and the germ-infested cart. Jesus, child! Don't gnaw on the cart handle! Who does that?

When I was going through my Breast Cancer Adventure in 2015, going to the grocery store was scary. Why? Because receiving chemotherapies caused my immune system to be weaker. So, I started wiping off the grocery cart handles. And people would give me these looks like I was freak. But then they would see that I was a bald lady and then they'd quickly avert their eyes. As if making eye contact with a bald woman was going to actually give them cancer. My mental health therapist at the time encouraged me to ask for help from the clerks..."Let the courtesy clerks load your groceries in your car, Rachel! You're being treated for cancer, for goodness sake! It's ok to ask for help." I gave myself permission to accept the help from the clerks. And all three boys unloaded all of the groceries when I got home. The kids were in first and third grade; they were much more eager to help back then.

When my husband was going through is Tonsil Cancer Adventure in 2016, I kept wiping cart handles because Sweet Mother of Christ what if I got some germs on my hands and brought those germs home and he contracted whatever illness was carried on those germs and I killed my husband? Seriously. Having cancer in the house one time caused us to re-frame our thinking for everyfuckinthing. Having cancer in the house a second time two years in a row caused us to up our game even more. When your husband is being kept alive by two catheters...one going to his stomach and the other going to his heart...there is absolutely no fucking around with the tightness of the ship you run.

Now that my kids are older, going to the grocery store become a sort of meditation for me. I really do walk up and down each aisle. I really do know that my friend #MaAm totally makes fun of me for doing so bc she's an in-and-out type of gal. I really do meal plan as I go. And sometimes I end up getting things that aren't on the list...because I remember that I need it when I see it. Like dishwasher detergent. Or parchment paper (thanks JT for that brilliant suggestion!).

But now, because of Coronavirus, going to the grocery store has become a big anxiety-causing deal. On the upside, I don't have to go often. #AndAlso I can feed two birds with one hand since our pharmacy is inside our grocery store. #SafewayForTheWin (Also, see what I did there? Feed two birds with one hand instead of killing them? #ImSoClever #Rhetoric #MmmHmm)

We placed an order for delivery from Costco.com, and everything went really smoothly. I mean, I actually spent less than I normally do. Annnnd I got paper towels and toilet paper...?! Anytime you can get out of Costco, especially without going into Costco, for less than $200...? Win!

When I called the grocery store's pharmacy, I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, who, small town, his son used to work for my husband in the Math Lab. Because of the fact that my son takes so many meds, I'm a frequent flyer at the pharmacy, and it's seriously like Cheers when I step up to the counter: everybody knows my name. Also, I'm very thankful for stellar health insurance...but that's a blog post for another time.

According to the American Cancer Society, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each person is different. It's important that all cancer patients and survivors, whether currently in treatment or not, talk with a doctor who understands their situation and medical history." (para.2)  On the one hand, I just celebrated the fifth anniversary of my lumpectomy, and five years is a huge milestone for cancer survivors, so I'm very thankful to be here. On the other hand, my anxiety is sky high because that's just how it is. Also, the last time I was out in the community was on Saturday March 21st...two and a half weeks...it's been a while.

When I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, I reminded him about My Cancer Adventure, and he said that there are special times the store has set aside for folks who may have a compromised immune system: seniors, pregnant women, and others with health issues. He encouraged me to go to the store during that time.

We talked about mailing my son's meds...but we have a PO Box, so that would mean going to the Post Office and risk exposing myself. Because I know that the more places I go, the more exposure to germs I have, the more likely I am to get sick. Or infect my husband, who also happens to have a bicuspid aortic valve and survived staph endocarditis prior to his Tonsil Cancer Adventure. Or I could infect my older son. What's the truth about rationing health care for people living with disabilities? Would the hospital where he was born treat him? How would they manage him? Could I be with him? Because there are stories surfacing that when a person is really sick with Covid-19, they aren't allowed to have visitors. How will that work with my son and his verbal delay and limited cognitive abilities? He's developmentally in the first grade. Would I ever see him again? Or I could infect my younger son, who probably knows more about epilepsy, autism, ADHD, breast cancer, tonsil cancer, and broken arms than most kids who are on the cusp of turning 11. And if I infect him, then he won't go on to earn #AllTheOscars. Or win the Nobel Prize for Whatever. He'll probably petition the Nobel Committee to include Mathematics. Did you know that there is no Nobel Prize for Mathematics? No shit. The Math Prof Rock Star said the legend is that a mathematician ran off with Dr Nobel's wife. But in reality, nobody knows why Nobel chose to not include mathematics. Maybe he just wasn't mathy...?

But he did dig on chemistry.

And that's important to me.

Because my kid needs his meds. To mostly control his seizures.

So I'll be heading out soon.

And, yes, #MaAm, I'll go up and down each aisle. Because who knows when the next time I'll be able to get out.

And we all know dishwasher detergent will be important to have during the next phase of the #Coronapocolypse.

Days Are Running Together

Wednesday morning all four of us left the safety of our home and went to the boys' schools. And, #SweetBabyJesus that was a knife to the heart.

We stopped at my younger son's elementary school first, and saw numerous caring adults who have been working with my family for years that provided an array of expressions, including disbelief, worry, and genuine sadness. I think this is typically called "deer in the headlights." But it's also known as "unexpected traumatic stress." This is exactly what we are all dealing with because of the sudden closures of schools across Washington State on Monday.

Schools across the nation are in the process of shutting down and not opening to the public. There's never been anything like this...oh...wait...except the 1918-1919 influenza pandemic. And, then there was the H1N1 flu. Since we're likely to be locked up, or locked down...? Huh. What's it called? Squat and stay? No. I think it's "Sheltering In Place". Yes! So since we'll be #ShelteringInPlace for an extended period, I encourage you to get your hands on a copy of The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History by John M. Barry. Yes, it's available on Kindle. You're welcome.

Anyway. In spite of My Three Fellas knowing I'm the social butterfly of the family, we all know that I know the layout of the school better than my husband, so we agreed that I'd accompany our younger son in to his school to retrieve his stuff. And, yes, I agreed to seriously limit my throwing of jazz hands and talking with people. And I'd sure as shit not get closer than six goddamn feet to people, even though we mostly know I'm a hugger (mostly).

The front door was held open for us by one of the male paras, I felt a need to bow as if I was walking into the dojang. We stopped and sanitized our hands as we walked in and were greeted by The Commander, who directed us to touch as few things as possible. We quickly and quietly headed down the hall towards the classrooms and touched absolutely nothing. I step where you step. I touch nothing.

My son and I went to his homeroom first, read the notes left by the Compassionate Boundary Setter on her white board, gathered his materials and belongings, left what was required on the desk, and swiftly left the room. We stopped by his locker and quickly put his things in his backpack, zipping it as we walked. Quiet. His long dark hair waving in the breeze he created as we walked, which was covered by his Dad's black Bugs Bunny baseball cap, which is more than twice his age.

Mochi gives zero shits that Sir Paul is home.

We headed down the hall towards the classroom belonging to She With the Largest Fifth Grade Library and were pleasantly surprised to see her behind the kidney table, with stacks of books, which she had somehow magically obtained books for the kids to read. #OfCourseSheDid We exchanged pleasantries, but in a hurried way...don't want to linger...two other fellas in the car. Do we take Paul? Yes, she said, all their art needs to go home. Thank you. Take care of yourself and your family. 

And then, my son looks towards the milk crate that holds the weekly Red Wednesday Folder, which the school uses to send materials and communication home. The Folder is to be emptied and signed by a child's parental unit, and returned to school the next day. Now, this is actually pretty hysterical because for years I've volunteered countless hours in my son's classrooms collating the Red Wednesday Folder. Like, it's even known as #RedFolderRecon and this is why Wednesday is my family's favorite day of the week: I get to volunteer. Standing around the table, one, or perhaps all three of us, said something about Wednesday Folders, laughed, and said our goodbye's, as we briskly walked back to his homeroom for the one item we left: my son's Red Wednesday Folder. #MyLifeIsAComicBook


Back down the hall, hurry, passed our favorite paras, can't breathe, wishing only the best for each other and all of us, pick up the pace, towards the front door and the door handle! #Cooties Ew, child! Dude! Arms in! Thank you for holding the door open, Mr. Ridge Para! Blue sky! Green trees! Breathe!

We were in and out in under three minutes, but it felt like three hours. Thanks to all of the folks at Roosevelt for being so on top of everything. You are all amazing and we already really miss you. Commander, I'm thankful you're at the helm. Be well. #OnceACougarAlwaysACougar

My family then drove across town to the middle school, where we discovered the parking lot was pretty empty. Our older son decided he wanted all four of us to go in, so we did. I'd received an email and a robocall from the school that I owed $1.65 for my son...so I dug the change out of my wallet in the car on our drive to the school. Because, in all of this shit that's going down, I will not be indebted to the school for any amount of money; there are bigger problems in the world.

When we walked into the entrance to the school, there was a hand sanitizing station, so we stopped and sanitized before entering. There were tables flanking the entrance, stacked with books for the kids to take. Twist our arms to take free books. I mean. Thanks!

The middle school was a completely different story in terms of access. Kids were not allowed in the classrooms, they could go to their lockers. But my son doesn't have a locker because he's a Special Education Kid, so that was off the table. As for going in to his classroom? The one where he spends 5 out of 6 periods, including his lunchtime? Yeah...that's a no go, too...but I've known that since school started in September, when I asked my son's Special Education Teacher how I can help her by volunteering my time...and she said she doesn't allow parent volunteers. #WishICouldMakeThisUp and it really does get better...or maybe worse, depending on your world view. #ButNowsNotTheTime

While my husband kept the boys busy in the entryway, I ran down to the cafeteria and paid the outstanding debt of $1.65. I ran back up to the front of the school #RunningIsBullshit and then we graciously and quickly said our goodbyes to the Vice Principal and the few staff members.

We came home and ate lunch. We spent a good part of the afternoon outside. Swinging is so therapeutic for them.

He's trained. 

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

Remember that whole, "we need to reschedule your annual mammogram" thing from earlier in the week? Yeah. Well apparently, when you're a breast cancer survivor,  and your medical oncologist orders a mammogram, you get that shit done, regardless if there's a virus running around out there that is killing people. Am I still immunocompromised because of My Cancer Adventure? I could probably Google all that shit, but to be safe, I'll say, probably yes. #FirmAnswer

So I went today, to the hospital and as many times as I've walked in...to see my husband when he was near death when he had staph endocarditis...to deliver both my babies (they were born in the same room; water side)...the emergency room visits for broken arms and stitches in the chin (all my 10yo)...to my lumpectomy five years ago today...this was by far the most anxious I've been to walk in the front door of my community hospital. #StayTheFuckAwayFromMe #Bitches

There was a new to me security detail, who checked me in at the desk, because the lady working was on the phone...and I told him where I was going, he looked me up and gave me a 3x5 card size neon green sticker granting me access to the Imaging Department on 3/20/20 only.

I walked back to the office and checked in, and talked with the receptionist because it's a small town and I know a lot of people because I'm a social butterfly like that. But really it's because our kids go went to the same school.

I waited and waited and refused to sit because what if someone with Coronavirus but is not showing symptoms was just in the chair that I choose to sit in? What if I get the virus on my pants and then its in my car and then I sit on my bed without thinking and then I totally just wasted all of my time washing my quilt on my bed yesterday. I'll just stand. For forty minutes. Because someone was in surgery and they needed the mammographer lady...? And I don't fucking know can we just get this done? Today of all days? And with this mother of all viruses? I just wanna go home and swing.

The tech was lovely, and had stellar PPE (Personal Protection Equipment) including a FACE SHIELD! She was incredibly apologetic about being late...but she is taking extra precautions and wiping everything down with wipes. Including the hooks where I hung my hoodie. I asked. #OfCourseIDid

She sent my boob pics to the radiologist immediately and came back in. Everyone's anxiety is through the roof right now and they both completely understood my desire to know. And I'm clear. So much gratitude to have the scans read immediately.

I bounced outta there and headed to a few stores, because goddamnit the Governor could lock us down at any minute, just like California, New York. And now Illinois. But the Governor of Washington also has confidence in us as citizens, and that we'll stay home and that he won't have to officially lock us down.

Please, people, stay home with your family. The only way we can combat this disease is to stay home. And that means no play dates for kids. No swingers parties for adults. Do not leave your house. Stay. Home. Do not have people over to your house. They need to stay in their own home. Social Distancing is a legit way to combat this. And if we all step up now, in the springtime, and STAY HOME then perhaps we won't have to during the summer and perhaps we can return to the lake and the beach and the trails. But only if we all work together and STAY HOME!!!!

Am I looking forward to homeschooling my kids? Not especially. Am I expecting the OSPI and my local school district to step up and help parents? Absolutely. But they have to consider equity. All the kids need to be provided the same educational opportunities. Basically, my kids have access to computers and internet. But, if you have a kid who doesn't have secure housing, they sure the fuck don't have a computer and can't do their assignments. So that's not very equal, and that kid is gonna get left in the dust. So the State of Washington is trying to figure out how to help ALL THE KIDS. And I mean the highly capable kids, and the neurotypical kids, and the kids who have delays. The State has a HUGE systems change that they are being forced to look at because of the pandemic.

One of the things I've been trying to work through this week with The Fellas is that we all had the rug pulled out from under us...and we need to give grace, and allow time and patience to figure out new ways to live. We were all scrambling on Monday. But we made it a week! And the sun has been out, which I can attest that absolutely made this easier! Can you imagine if we were dealing with this on a grey week? #SweetBabyJesus

So, as a whole, if we've made it this far, while we don't have any way of knowing what's coming, we do have the opportunity to prevent as much sickness and misinformation as possible. You can find information at CDC, NIH, and WHO. 

Thanks for reading. Stay home. Wash your hands. Be well.

-Rachel

PS. And eat all the motherfuckin ice cream, because why the fuck not?! Thanks, Em! Your ass better be at HOME!!!! 

Don't worry, Meghan, I'm not calling you out.