Terrific because you have accomplished much in your number of years on our planet, even exceeding the experts expectations.
Terrifying because of what is happening in the world.
Why is there so much smoke in our sky again? Why are these major
fires happening? The Earth is screaming. Do you hear her? And why did he
even suggest that California rake their forests? Right. Because he's clueless. Climate change is real. Please stop ignoring science.
Terrific because you are working on listening comprehension. And, the other day, you figured out the talk to type feature on the computer! Your entire face lit up because you were so impressed with yourself! And that is the best feeling: seeing you happy.
Terrifying because perhaps
that's why Coronavirus is here: Mother Earth is thinning us out.
She doesn't necessarily need us as a species to survive herself. Some mothers
eat their young. I know there are days I wish I certainly had.
#MissedOpportunity #OhWell
Terrific because you know how to swallow all of your meds at once. That's Boss Level stuff, dude. Like all 7 pills down the hatch?! Amazing! I'm looking forward to that new super fancy-pants AM/PM, color-coded pill organizer arriving. We will absolutely work together to make sure you know how to correctly read your prescription bottles, and how to arrange your medications. I have confidence in you, son.
Terrifying because you have so many meds to take. I know what they do to your brain activity. But what do they do to your liver and kidneys? And your digestive system?
Terrific because since you've been home in March, I've seen fewer seizures. You've slept better. Longer. More soundly. We've maintained your sleep schedule because our life is ruled by medications. Yes my children are still in their rooms between 7:30 and 7:45 pm. No. Really. #ParentalMentalHealth #YesWeGetBraggingRightsOnThis #TeamAnderson
Terrifying because he knew, and he chose to not act. There is so much blood on his hands. America's blood. What type of future does that leave for you, my child? Not to mention the racial unrest occurring. #BlackLivesMatter Terrifying because what happens if you are the next Linden Cameron?(God, forbid; knock on wood; please all the Deities in the Universe, protect my children. Amen.)
Terrific because you wanted to bake cupcakes today, and you did most of the work. I mean, it was a mix because while I do bake a mean cookie, baking cakes from scratch is not my area of expertise. So thanks for being flexible and doing cupcakes. Yeah, it's kinda a bummer that we didn't get the 24 that Betty Crocker said we would, but you did a fantastic job pouring the batter into the cupcakes mostly by yourself...mostly.
Terrific because, on this Birthday Eve, you chose to not eat any cupcakes today. This shows you have self-control and are maturing. And that is wonderful! Yes, we can put the frosting on tomorrow. I think it's fabulous that you call the dude on the can the Pillsbury Dough Brother. What else are you going to put on your cupcake? We have marshmallows. Yes, two sizes because that's important. And we have gummy bears. And I'm sure we have a fresh strawberry from the garden! Of course not. Why ruin it?
May you find happiness and joy. May you be healthy and happy. May you continue to listen to music and love cats.
No matter the choice we make with and/or for our children and family members, it's the right one. There is no right or wrong.
There's no judgment here. You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.
We've made our decision, as a family, based upon our family's health history and dynamic, as well as both parents professions. My family will be doing online learning. Yes, because both parents are online educators. But also because the start of the school year always brings home the myriad illnesses, and what could be a sniffle in my 11-yr-old could be a life-altering, or perhaps -ending, disease in my almost 14-year-old, me, or my husband. #AndAlso bc that's what we as a family collectively decided. Oh, and #Science and #Data also play a big part in our decision making, too.
So, the institution for which my husband and I are employed decided during the spring quarter that we would be online for fall. Except for specific programs and labs, for which there will be social/physical distancing requirements, including masks covering the nose and mouth. Please contact your advisor for further information. Also, we are, as an institution, still open and operating during the summer, and many of us are even prepping for the fall quarter...
...and here y'all thought we did nothing but sit around gettin some type of cancer or a broken arm every summer! Nope, we're working! #TeamAnderson
But, anyway. Distance learning...my husband and I chose to have a discussion with our sons about what our employer had planned...and what we anticipated public school to look like for them upon their return in the fall. We talked about masks covering their nose and mouth, the physical distancing, we didn't know what PE or recess or assemblies would look like...but to not even worry about those pieces yet. This was one of many conversations with my children throughout the spring...and ultimately, my community was waiting for our local school district to make decisions about how to best offer learning opportunities for the community given the pandemic...and we weren't gonna know anything until at least the end of June or early July.
When the opportunities were presented, we provided the information to our children.
We talked about the ABAB face-to-face model as a learning opportunity, where they'd go to school on a staggered style: Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday, with Wednesday being an online learning day...or maybe a massive cleaning day. Both? And my kids were a firm no on that. Because, as my 11-year-old son pointed out, why bother going for two days and risk getting anything, let alone COVID? #HesASmartCookie
While my husband and I made the decision back in the spring regarding what to do with our children's education in the fall, we wanted to give our kids the information and give them the opportunity to think about the options, and come to conclusions on their own. #Democracy
Yet, we also wanted to gently guide them and encourage them to not go to school because #Parenting
We kept close eyes on what universities and colleges across America decided regarding the fall term. When the entire University of California System said no face-to-face learning for the fall...as educators, we knew those universities made the right decisions for their communities.
We also looked at the data trends within Clallam County. On the one hand, it's kinda cool that we can start to see trends in the data and now have enough cases that we can get a break-down by age and regional distribution of COVID-19. On the other hand, this means we're seeing an increase in cases in our county, and we all need to recognize that we are all living here together and to please do our best to follow the rules and wear masks. Please. And thank you.
The local county health department data show, at the time of this writing, that the highest numbers of cases were in the following age ranges: 20 cases of 10-19 year olds; and approximately 17 cases in the 50 year olds. And that's my family of fellas. Except me: I'm in my late 40's and there's only like six cases...so my age group is low because we're all dealing with oppressive midlife crises and are masking up. Oh, and of course the kids in their 20's also have about 18 cases, according to local data...but everyone knows you're invincible in your 20's...right? #sarcasm
But, the point is, you don't want to be on the bar graph. You with me? For real.
So, am I sending my children into the Petri dish that is school? #FuckNo
You are? Fantastic. Good for you. Totally support you. Totally. Because I have absolutely no idea what your life is like, and I'm absolutely not judging you. I have confidence that you had numerous discussions with your children and family members and that you making the best decision with and for your children and family.
Because we can't NOT talk about COVID. It has consumed our culture. My kids incorporate it into their play. I tell my nearly 14-year-old son, the one who is developmentally delayed...yeah, I say, "Wash your hands and make big bubbles. You need to get rid of all the COVID." For real. I wish I didn't have to say things like that to my son; but I get to. #ISurvivedBreastCancerForThis
I also wish our country, our economy, and our culture did not make it so parents are actively having to choose between being employed and caring for children. I hope someday that people are not forced to choose between caregiving and employment.
I recognize that my level of education, the color of my skin, my gender and my chosen profession award me certain benefits and that I am very fortunate to be employed and that my family has health insurance. Because my family is expensive.
Why? My family has been hit by lightning too many times. I've bloodied my knuckles climbing out of pediatric neurological disorders, as well as mine and my husbands cancers, and the unimaginably seriously fucking oppressive stress that naturally accompanies those life-threatening health issues.
So, sending my kids to the school during a pandemic? Even though the numbers in my county are still, kinda...currently...low? No. I'm just not into borrowing trouble.
My older son, needs 1:1 support throughout much of his day...and so how's that gonna work with physical distancing? Not to mention the stress of having to keep a mask on all day. And see classmates and teachers in masks? Ummm...#Anxiety much? He's got a formal diagnosis of anxiety, so how in the fuck do you work all of that mask-wearing, hand-washing, physical distancing in to an Individualized Education Plan?
I have zero desire to deal with that. And, thankfully, neither does my kiddo with special health needs. #HesASmartCookie
Oh, and have I mentioned he's o
All the pharms (top, AM doses; bottom PM doses)
n a shit ton of medication to help
control his seizures? The upside of him being home since mid-March is he's now having fewer seizures because he's not
plugged into a computer all fuckin day like he was at school, thank you very much. I mean, if he's gonna be plugged in all day, he can do that shit at home, bitch. #ForReal #YouGuys
And this kid always, always, gets
hit the hardest and the longest during cold and flu season...his body
works really really hard to process all the hundreds of milligrams of
anti-seizure meds.
#AndAlso the price of said anti-seizure meds: $850 a month.
#ThankYouUniverseForHealthInsurance
Honestly, the kid's as happy as a clam sitting in his room making playlists on his Alexa Dot, playing with his Rubik's cube. Hanging with Mochi.
Mochi's favorite mask. For real. He's a fan.
He's having an ok summer. He is glad to get out of the house and go to Hapkido twice a week. He and I are training partners, and we're having a lot of fun throwing each other around and learning how to correctly break each other in half!
But 11...he's a little more tricky...like many of the neurotypcial younger siblings that I know, my second son is much more social than my first. He misses his best friend, as well as his Hapkido training partner, both of which are wonderful and amazing young ladies. It's his fabulous man hair. He gets that from me, you guys. Because he certainly doesn't get it from his father. #Bald
And it's not that my kids don't want to go to school. They do. They miss their friends and the trusted adults they work with. My kids miss sports. My kids miss life as they knew it and absolutely long for a sense of normalcy in all of this craziness.
While I understand that there's a longing in people to "get back to normal"...in my mind, there is no "going back".... Really, we can only keep moving forward.
When I had my first needle biopsy done on my breast, before we knew I had cancer, I remember that the female tech that was assisting the physician told me that the first needle biopsy was always the scariest because it's a brand new invasive test. And then she said that she was a stage 4 breast cancer survivor, she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction (didn't plastics do a fine job? she was quite pleased) and that her cancer experience caused her to learn to live differently for a while...and she learned to live in a new normal.
My 11 yr old and his new Star Wars mask
That woman and her words have stayed with me for five years. And I think that's what we all need to do is learn to live differently for a while.
But to define "a while"...I have to look to the last pandemic which was the 1918 Spanish Flu. And that motherfucker raged our planet for two full years. And ya know how they got rid of it? Masks! For real! And, by the way, masks were political 102 years ago. There was even an Anti-Mask League based in San Francisco.
Wait! What? They had physicians in public schools who had eyes on kids every day. Can you imagine if we had that now? Even before COVID?
But, back in 1918, many American families didn't have flushing toilets and hot running water from a tap in their homes. And bathrooms in NYC? #forgitaboudit Bathrooms were communal. You, me, my family, you family, and probably all the families on the entire floor of our highrise apt are sharing that limited space. #germs Oh, and someone would have to be responsible for running the chamber pot downstaris to the Night Soil Removers. #forreal
Or, you could just take a dump in the outhouse on the corner. Your choice.
Thankfully, many people in Western cultures now get to poop in a toilet in their own bathroom and wash their hands with hot water from the tap. But, not everyone in the world is as lucky as us. And if you wanna learn more, please feel free to check out this TED Talk called Let's Talk Crap. Seriously. It's brilliant.
But, let's get back to school. Because school is coming.
And so, if it means you're choosing to not send your kids to school, and do whatever type of learning works best for you and your family...? That is fantastic.
And if you are sending your kids to school...? That is equally fantastic.
But, I have the some questions. And, no, I'm not starting a fight. These are legit questions I have, and I'm curious to know if other people are thinking about this, too...?
What about immunocompromised elders? And I'm not talking grandparents. Parents are elders too. What about parents?
What about immunocomopromised children who are at school? How will those kiddos stay safe?
But the GOP wants to send your kids & teachers to school? So, in my mind, they are saying "we're more important than you, so we're canceling our biggest in-person event of the entire year, but you peasants can just go to school." Why are people accepting this bullshit? Because that's exactly what the fuck it is: BULLSHIT.
What about the pictures of reopened schools that are making their way across the internet? You know the ones...where kids are seen crowded together in hallways and classrooms and maskless? And what about that little second grader down in Georgia who tested positive for COVID on the first day of school? FIRST DAY! Sweet Baby Jesus! How many people did that little dude expose?
Or what about an entire fourth grade class in North Carolina, who are now quarantining? Worth noting: the individual currently occupying Number One Observatory Circle, who is commonly known as Pence...as well as Secretary of Education DoucheVos personally visited this chain of private schools and chose to not wear masks. So, lemme get this straight: they visited a private school, told the folks at the school how important it is that they are opening, but refused to wear masks so they didn't protect anyone? Um...way to model that example there, federal administrators.
How do you feel about the fact that some teachers are preparing wills as they get ready to go back to school? I mean, it's absoultely a great idea that if we are adults that we have a will in place. Especially if we have children. Because, if something unexpected and potentially catastrophic were to happen to you and or your children's other parent...speaking from experience...it's a damn good idea to have one. But as part of prep for the school year...?
If you send your child to school, who is responsible for providing the mask your child is going to wear?
And, did you know that the recommendation from Johns Hopkins Medicine is to wear the mask once? ONE TIME! And then you gotta wash it! So, basically, you gotta treat your mask like it's shitty underwear. Parents, are you hearing me? And, no, you don't get to turn your mask inside out and wear it a second time. Masks are a one shot deal, if you will. #shotmywad So, do you have enough masks, and enough laundry detergent, to keep up? And do you have the time and energy to wash your children's masks each day? #BossLevelBitchChores
Finally, how in the goddamn are teachers supposed to keep kids physically distant during an active shooter drill? Or an actual active shooter? I know. They'll all hide like they're supposed to. But, still. This is a real-life situation that students, teachers, and administrators are gonna need to deal with.
I get it. This is a really big fuckin deal. Nobody likes change.
I get that schools are responsible for so much more than "just"
educating our kids. Health care, nutrition, child care, making sure they are
safe and loved while they are at school which is basically mental
health care. So, if schools are that important, why is the fed cutting
funds and cutting funds and cutting funds and expecting teachers to do
more and more and more with less and less and less? And, by the way, the individual currently occupying the Oval Office can't just cut funding to schools. Motherfucker's mouth runs faster than his atrophying brain.
But every time Governor Inslee makes an announcement people "can't even with him" and they "need to take a social media break." I get that people don't like the fact that the man is the bearer of news they don't want to hear. But really, if you don't like the fact that Governor Inslee is relying on scientific data to make decisions about your health, there are several states that don't rely on data and I'm sure they'd be happy to receive you. Please feel free to look into Arizona, Texas, and/or Florida, where the governors of those states are totally fuckin Mochi about the health of their constituents.
Is Inslee doing the right thing by saying that schools can reopen based upon the county's caseload. Today, that's the right decision.
Do I anticipate that it will change? Absolutely.
I think it's a good idea to cancel sports? As much as it sucks, yes. Please note, both of my children are athletes. 13 is a gold medalist in Special Olympics Basketball. And he has kicked some major ass in SO Bowling. And 11 is Messi (aren't they all?). And yes, they absolutely miss their sports. And yes, my husband and I absolutely miss watching them play.
I don't think he wants to be the bearer of this news. But it's his job. And I anticipate his job is gonna get a little tougher as we get closer to the school year starting in September. And then into the fall and even into the winter. Becasue, no matter how badly we want it to go away, COVID is gonna be here.
And I think we all need to be prepared that even if everyone does go back to school, there's a good chance we'll have a second wave...pay attention the history of diseases. The Spanish Flu of 1918...? Three waves and 50 million deaths worldwide. So look alive, please! #payattention
Vaccine? Too soon. The quickest turn around for any vaccination to be successfully created and properly tested was four years, and it was for the mumps. In 1963, a child named Jeryl Lynn was sick with the mumps. Fortunately for her, her dad was a microbiologist named Maurice Hilleman...and as luck would have it, he specialized in vaccinology (no really, it's a thing). So, basically, he used his daughter's mumps and created the vaccine, and then it was tested in rats and then in people and then in 1967, the vaccine was licensed and mass produced and that's why mumps is no longer a childhood illness. You're welcome. And, worth noting, Hilleman is responsible for creating a whole bunch of vaccines and keeping us healthy. Check out the link I provided on his name. And thank you, Dr Hilleman. I sincerely wish you were with us today to help with the current pandemic.
So, anyway, my point, wrapping all of this up because it's #bongthirty or #wineoclock somewhere, is
that we all get to learn to live differently for a while.
And if that
means you are choosing to send your kids to school because of your
reasons, that is totally fantastic. Good luck.
And, if you're choosing to do homeschool, or virtual school, or even take a year off of providing a "formal" education for your kids, that is equally fantastic. Unschooling is cool.
The bottom line is we're all making what we feel are the best decisions for our family. And we need to support one another in those decisions.
You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.
Wednesday morning all four of us left the safety of our home and went to the boys' schools. And, #SweetBabyJesus that was a knife to the heart.
We stopped at my younger son's elementary school first, and saw numerous caring adults who have been working with my family for years that provided an array of expressions, including disbelief, worry, and genuine sadness. I think this is typically called "deer in the headlights." But it's also known as "unexpected traumatic stress." This is exactly what we are all dealing with because of the sudden closures of schools across Washington State on Monday.
Schools across the nation are in the process of shutting down and not opening to the public. There's never been anything like this...oh...wait...except the 1918-1919 influenza pandemic. And, then there was the H1N1 flu. Since we're likely to be locked up, or locked down...? Huh. What's it called? Squat and stay? No. I think it's "Sheltering In Place". Yes! So since we'll be #ShelteringInPlace for an extended period, I encourage you to get your hands on a copy of The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History by John M. Barry. Yes, it's available on Kindle. You're welcome.
Anyway. In spite of My Three Fellas knowing I'm the social butterfly of the family, we all know that I know the layout of the school better than my husband, so we agreed that I'd accompany our younger son in to his school to retrieve his stuff. And, yes, I agreed to seriously limit my throwing of jazz hands and talking with people. And I'd sure as shit not get closer than six goddamn feet to people, even though we mostly know I'm a hugger (mostly).
The front door was held open for us by one of the male paras, I felt a need to bow as if I was walking into the dojang. We stopped and sanitized our hands as we walked in and were greeted by The Commander, who directed us to touch as few things as possible. We quickly and quietly headed down the hall towards the classrooms and touched absolutely nothing. I step where you step. I touch nothing.
My son and I went to his homeroom first, read the notes left by the Compassionate Boundary Setter on her white board, gathered his materials and belongings, left what was required on the desk, and swiftly left the room. We stopped by his locker and quickly put his things in his backpack, zipping it as we walked. Quiet. His long dark hair waving in the breeze he created as we walked, which was covered by his Dad's black Bugs Bunny baseball cap, which is more than twice his age.
Mochi gives zero shits that Sir Paul is home.
We headed down the hall towards the classroom belonging to She With the Largest Fifth Grade Library and were pleasantly surprised to see her behind the kidney table, with stacks of books, which she had somehow magically obtained books for the kids to read.
#OfCourseSheDid We exchanged pleasantries, but in a hurried way...don't
want to linger...two other fellas in the car. Do we take Paul? Yes, she said, all their art needs to go home. Thank you. Take care of yourself and your family.
And then, my son looks towards the milk crate that holds the weekly Red Wednesday Folder, which the school uses to send materials and communication home. The Folder is to be emptied and signed by a child's parental unit, and returned to school the next day. Now, this is actually pretty hysterical because for years I've volunteered countless hours in my son's classrooms collating the Red Wednesday Folder. Like, it's even known as #RedFolderRecon and this is why Wednesday is my family's favorite day of the week: I get to volunteer. Standing around the table, one, or perhaps all three of us, said something about Wednesday Folders, laughed, and said our goodbye's, as we briskly walked back to his homeroom for the one item we left: my son's Red Wednesday Folder. #MyLifeIsAComicBook
Back down the hall, hurry, passed our favorite paras, can't breathe, wishing only the best for each other and all of us, pick up the pace, towards the front door and the door handle! #Cooties Ew, child! Dude! Arms in! Thank you for holding the door open, Mr. Ridge Para! Blue sky! Green trees! Breathe!
We were in and out in under three minutes, but it felt like three hours. Thanks to all of the folks at Roosevelt for being so on top of everything. You are all amazing and we already really miss you. Commander, I'm thankful you're at the helm. Be well. #OnceACougarAlwaysACougar
My family then drove across town to the middle school, where we discovered the parking lot was pretty empty. Our older son decided he wanted all four of us to go in, so we did. I'd received an email and a robocall from the school that I owed $1.65 for my son...so I dug the change out of my wallet in the car on our drive to the school. Because, in all of this shit that's going down, I will not be indebted to the school for any amount of money; there are bigger problems in the world.
When we walked into the entrance to the school, there was a hand sanitizing station, so we stopped and sanitized before entering. There were tables flanking the entrance, stacked with books for the kids to take. Twist our arms to take free books. I mean. Thanks!
The middle school was a completely different story in terms of access. Kids were not allowed in the classrooms, they could go to their lockers. But my son doesn't have a locker because he's a Special Education Kid, so that was off the table. As for going in to his classroom? The one where he spends 5 out of 6 periods, including his lunchtime? Yeah...that's a no go, too...but I've known that since school started in September, when I asked my son's Special Education Teacher how I can help her by volunteering my time...and she said she doesn't allow parent volunteers. #WishICouldMakeThisUp and it really does get better...or maybe worse, depending on your world view. #ButNowsNotTheTime
While my husband kept the boys busy in the entryway, I ran down to the cafeteria and paid the outstanding debt of $1.65. I ran back up to the front of the school #RunningIsBullshit and then we graciously and quickly said our goodbyes to the Vice Principal and the few staff members.
We came home and ate lunch. We spent a good part of the afternoon outside. Swinging is so therapeutic for them.
He's trained.
Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....
Remember that whole, "we need to reschedule your annual mammogram" thing from earlier in the week? Yeah. Well apparently, when you're a breast cancer survivor, and your medical oncologist orders a mammogram, you get that shit done, regardless if there's a virus running around out there that is killing people. Am I still immunocompromised because of My Cancer Adventure? I could probably Google all that shit, but to be safe, I'll say, probably yes. #FirmAnswer
So I went today, to the hospital and as many times as I've walked in...to see my husband when he was near death when he had staph endocarditis...to deliver both my babies (they were born in the same room; water side)...the emergency room visits for broken arms and stitches in the chin (all my 10yo)...to my lumpectomy five years ago today...this was by far the most anxious I've been to walk in the front door of my community hospital. #StayTheFuckAwayFromMe #Bitches
There was a new to me security detail, who checked me in at the desk, because the lady working was on the phone...and I told him where I was going, he looked me up and gave me a 3x5 card size neon green sticker granting me access to the Imaging Department on 3/20/20 only.
I walked back to the office and checked in, and talked with the receptionist because it's a small town and I know a lot of people because I'm a social butterfly like that. But really it's because our kids gowent to the same school.
I waited and waited and refused to sit because what if someone with Coronavirus but is not showing symptoms was just in the chair that I choose to sit in? What if I get the virus on my pants and then its in my car and then I sit on my bed without thinking and then I totally just wasted all of my time washing my quilt on my bed yesterday. I'll just stand. For forty minutes. Because someone was in surgery and they needed the mammographer lady...? And I don't fucking know can we just get this done? Today of all days? And with this mother of all viruses? I just wanna go home and swing.
The tech was lovely, and had stellar PPE (Personal Protection Equipment) including a FACE SHIELD! She was incredibly apologetic about being late...but she is taking extra precautions and wiping everything down with wipes. Including the hooks where I hung my hoodie. I asked. #OfCourseIDid
She sent my boob pics to the radiologist immediately and came back in. Everyone's anxiety is through the roof right now and they both completely understood my desire to know. And I'm clear. So much gratitude to have the scans read immediately.
I bounced outta there and headed to a few stores, because goddamnit the Governor could lock us down at any minute, just like California, New York. And now Illinois. But the Governor of Washington also has confidence in us as citizens, and that we'll stay home and that he won't have to officially lock us down.
Please, people, stay home with your family. The only way we can combat this disease is to stay home. And that means no play dates for kids. No swingers parties for adults. Do not leave your house. Stay. Home. Do not have people over to your house. They need to stay in their own home. Social Distancing is a legit way to combat this. And if we all step up now, in the springtime, and STAY HOME then perhaps we won't have to during the summer and perhaps we can return to the lake and the beach and the trails. But only if we all work together and STAY HOME!!!!
Am I looking forward to homeschooling my kids? Not especially. Am I expecting the OSPI and my local school district to step up and help parents? Absolutely. But they have to consider equity. All the kids need to be provided the same educational opportunities. Basically, my kids have access to computers and internet. But, if you have a kid who doesn't have secure housing, they sure the fuck don't have a computer and can't do their assignments. So that's not very equal, and that kid is gonna get left in the dust. So the State of Washington is trying to figure out how to help ALL THE KIDS. And I mean the highly capable kids, and the neurotypical kids, and the kids who have delays. The State has a HUGE systems change that they are being forced to look at because of the pandemic.
One of the things I've been trying to work through this week with The Fellas is that we all had the rug pulled out from under us...and we need to give grace, and allow time and patience to figure out new ways to live. We were all scrambling on Monday. But we made it a week! And the sun has been out, which I can attest that absolutely made this easier! Can you imagine if we were dealing with this on a grey week? #SweetBabyJesus
So, as a whole, if we've made it this far, while we don't have any way of knowing what's coming, we do have the opportunity to prevent as much sickness and misinformation as possible. You can find information at CDC, NIH, and WHO.
Thanks for reading. Stay home. Wash your hands. Be well.
-Rachel
PS. And eat all the motherfuckin ice cream, because why the fuck not?! Thanks, Em! Your ass better be at HOME!!!!
So, school has been canceled in Washington State. But they go on Monday to maybe get some work sent home...? And, most importantly, be together as a group of kids for what could be the last time until fall. No, really, that's how my brain works. Because, as a Health Educator, my question is, how will we know when it's safe to send kids back to school? At the time of this writing, there are still no positive tests for Coronavirus in Clallam County.
My husband and I are both college instructors who have been teaching online for the last 13 years. I've been teaching for 18 years; he's been teaching for 28 years (he's older and started earlier). While he does teach face-to-face, beginning tomorrow, March 16, our college is no longer having face-to-face classes. Collectively, faculty has been in the process of creating contingency plans, knowing the closures were coming. As of this writing, we're scheduled to start the Spring Quarter on April 13. We'll see.
And the information changes day-to-day...and sometimes minute to minute...since Washington State Governor Jay Inslee will be signing an order on Monday that's pretty extensive. All to stop the spread of disease...and you know it's true bc your Facebook feed is lighting up with the news. Restaurants and bars? Shutting down for dining in. Take out and delivery is ok. For now. But what if the delivery guy picks his nose, picks up your food bag, and hands you your bag of food, all with the same hand? Germs. You have his germs on that bag. And then you're going to open that bag and feed yourself? Fuck that noise. No thanks.
And tomorrow is the last day of public school till who knows how long up here in Washington State. Right now, the prediction is that kids will return to school on April 27. Six weeks. Part of me wonders if they'll be out for the remainder of the school year, especilly considering the CDC just said "8 weeks"...and schools in NYC are probably done.
The boys are supposed to go to school tomorrow and pick up their personal belongings and get some things. But I honestly don't know if I'll send them. For all I know, and as fast as everything has been changing, who knows if anyone will even be permitted to leave their homes tomorrow morning. For real.
Am I anxious? You bet your ass I am. Am I prepared? As much as I can be. I'm doing my best to take one moment at a time, just like I have been doing since my now 13-year-old was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of four. One. Moment. At. A. Time.
Mochi is a stuffed cat that was given to my older son by My Little Brother and then Future Sister-In-Law when they came to visit us in November of 2018.
To get it out of the way, his name is pronounced mow-chee.
According to Wikipedia, Mochi is actually "a Japanese rice cake made of
mochigome, a short-grain japonica glutinous rice, and sometimes other
ingredients like water, sugar, and cornstarch. The rice is pounded into
paste and molded into the desired shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki."
Even on a hot summer day, Mochi gives zero shits about his namesake
There is also Mochi ice cream, which I purchased...and it wasn't for me. The boys will eat anything labeled "ice cream" but I'm not convinced they liked it. It was as if they had this weird obligation that they wanted to like it because it's a ball of ice cream. I mean, what could go wrong? But the ball of ice cream is covered in this very chewy, and incredibly bland tasting dough, that's then rolled in powdered sugar. No, really, it's not very good, even with the powdered sugar. Maybe it was the ice cream flavor...cookies and cream...? Maybe I should try the strawberry flavored...? Maybe I should save my money, because Mochi ice cream is expensive, even on sale, and even with my Safeway Club Card and putting points on my card for gas. Right? But I did score some significant Parenting Points when I brought home the Mochi ice cream. Because at the end of the day, it's ice cream! But, really, from my adult perspective, it was pretty nasty. And, since it's still in the freezer...I'm betting the boys weren't down with it either.
My 13-year-old son's stuffy named Mochi plays a small role as the family pet in the movie Big Hero Six. If you haven't seen Big Hero Six, it's on Disney+, and it's worth checking out. As is the new show The World According to Jeff Goldblum.
Anyway, Mochi is a calico cat, and typically, only female cats are calico. However, according this dude I've never heard of, also known as "America's Vet," Dr. Marty Becker...a study out of the College of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Missouri, male calicoes do exist, but are very rare: only 1 in 3,000. When a male calico cat is born, it is due to a genetic abnormality. As
part of his genetic abnormality, Mochi is sterile...which is incredibly
fortuitous, because #JesusKnows we don't need any more cats running around. And, as a fan of abnormalities, we here at the Anderson Family Circus know how appropriate it is for Mochi to be a part of our family. #WeirdosUnite
#AndAlso my husband is legit allergic to cats. He's been tested. He's actually allergic to everything except dogs, horses, and the American cockroach. For real. Subsequently, our pet choices are rather limited.
While I have not been tested for allergies, I have absolutely zero fucking desire to have kitty paws with toxoplasmosis all over everything. And even if kitty doesn't have toxoplasmosis, it can be said that I have a strong aversion to having to cat buttholes being all over my counters where I prepare food. Fuck that noise. So, stuffed cats are great! #NoCatButtholes And, no, we don't need the #CatButt adult coloring book, you guys. #TheInternetHasEverything
Like most cats, Mochi only shows affection to one person, which is my older son, who is incredibly proud of his Cat Dad status. Other than that, Mochi gives zero shits about anyone or anything. Because he's a cat. Unless you have food. But, since Mochi is a stuffy, he's not really into food. However, he has ended up in our family dog's water dish. While neither of my boys confessed to anything, the game "Pounce, Mochi!" has come to an abrupt stop. Perhaps not shockingly, Mochi gave zero shits that he was in Abby's dish.
Because my son is autistic, as well as developmentally delayed, imaginative play has always been challenging for him. As a bit of a comfort for me, this phenomenon is well-documented in the research. The reasoning? People with autism spectrum disorder have a different brain; they are neurodiverse. It's not that my 13-year-old son is incapable...he will absolutely engage in pretend play with his younger brother...but my 10-year-old son typically creates the game. And because they both carry the #YChromosome typically their pretend play involves some type of weaponry and beating the shit out of each other. They are absolutely forbidden from Hapkidoing each other. #WhatWouldMrsVenturaSay
Pink Kitty is totally kicking Puddles' ass, while Mochi gives zero shits
Since Mochi has become a member of our family, I seriously just wrote that, my son's goal is to live independently and have a cat. While we do not know exactly what "living independently" looks like for him, we've talked about the idea of him living in a tiny house or a small mobile home on our property. Regardless, he'll need a bathtub so that he can have his almost daily Beatles Bubble Bath Break.
Pink Kitty and her re-re-re-repaired tail
My son brings all three of his stuffed cats into the bathroom with him when he takes his bath. They sit on the shelves. He received Puddles from My Little Brother and Future Sister-In-Law when they came up in July 2019. And Pink Kitty is an old lady...she's been around since my son was an infant...some cats live a long time, and she absolutely has 9 lives since she's been thrown in the washing machine numerous times in her life. Pink Kitty is very loved. My son is an avid chewer...her tail has been mangled and repaired a lot. I try to keep her tail looking it's best. Thankfully, my son has moved on to chewing a bite saber (no shit, click the link) and gum. He's a dedicated rule follower with the gum; it's written into his IEP at school that he be permitted to chew it as long as he disposes of it properly in the trash. And he does. Every. Single. Time.
Before he leaves for school each morning, my 13-year-old son who is developmentally six, sets all three cats up on the windowsill, where they wait for him until he gets home. They are an incredibly dedicated group of souls. Cats are my son's spirit animal.
Puddles, Pink Kitty, and Mochi watching their Cat Dad, in the yellow coat.
He set them on the windowsill when he and his brother played out in the snow for several hours. And even though he cuddles them around the neck, and we talk about the fact that you can't carry a real-life cat that way, and that real-life cats will cut you with their sharp little kitty claws if you attempt such nonsense, my son thinks it's hysterical, and in typical teenage fashion says, "I know, Mom!"
My husband and I have honestly entertained the idea of getting a cat. So I started talking with our son about the fact that a real-life cat is gonna poop in the litter box and that the litter box is gonna need to be cleaned every day because poop stinks. He said he'd clean the litter box. I am cautiously optimistic that this is perhaps something he'll be willing to do...but ultimately, it will fall to me, because I'm the mom. And it's a goddamn chore to get out to the yard once every few weeks and pick up dog shit, so I have zero desire to clean a litter box.
I know several people will disagree with me when I say that having an indoor-outdoor kitty is also known as "prey" in my neck of the woods. However, I cannot take the risk for being responsible for saying, "Here's this kitty for you as a long-term, loving companion" and then turn around and say "Oh sonovabitch! Well, I suppose that's the circle of life. Maybe we should watch The Lion King again...?
So for now, we're sticking with Mochi. He's filling my son's bucket for the time being. Even though he's kind of an asshole sometimes and he clearly gives zero shits about anything because he's a cat, this stuffed animal has truly been a wonderful gift for my son. Thanks Little Brother and Favorite Sister-in-Law. You guys have outdone yourselves.
I think perhaps, the best thing I did for myself was getting far the fuck away from my male housemates, physically, geographically, mentally, and spiritually for four full nights last week.
It's made this nasty GI bug that has impacted all four of us significantly more tolerable.
While in Phoenix I had no idea that my family would, within 36 hours of my return, be welcoming me home with what some folks call "the stomach flu...."
I've been up to my eyeballs in bodily fluids, including my own, starting with my older son waking up twice in the wee hours of Tuesday morning with vomiting. In a positive spin, he made it all the way down the hall and into the toilet, both times. He's come a long way.
Typically I'm the parent who deals with puking, while my husband is the parent who deals with Kids in the Night (that's got the potential to be a teen horror movie, so I'm claiming it now!). However, my husband, being a very kind man, dealt with the older boy in the night...knowing I'd be home dealing with the day shift. Because the older one always gets hit harder.
When I was in Phoenix, I spent all day Friday in bed. I was unable to keep down any food or water. I ran no temperature. Maybe I had something...but it felt more like a hangover...so I'm rolling with that self-assessment. It was secretly kind of nice...just the no obligation thing...not the puking thing.
I think perhaps I know myself pretty well...and am humble enough to say I'm still learning about myself and my life.
While in Phoenix, I had the opportunity to learn about how my relationships with each of my parents have changed. For most of my life, I battled with my mother. For reasons I can only speculate on, my dad appears to be angry at me. I think perhaps he's incredibly frustrated with his situation.
Never in our wildest dreams do we anticipate our life turning out as it does. I never thought I'd be a college instructor...or the mom of a child with disabilities...or a yogi...a breast cancer survivor...a tonsil cancer caregiver.... Similarly, I think perhaps my dad never anticipated that his retirement would be about caring for his wife in her rapid decline. Her brain is atrophying...she has very little color in her face...she's lost weight compared to the last time I saw her at the end of March 2016.
She's become quite happy...or at least she appears to be. I took my parents and My Little Brother to dinner on Thursday night in The Valley of the Sun. We went to some #GoddamnFancyPantsPlacePlace in Scottsdale called Postino. It was delicious. The Kid knows his food. And points to him for picking a place that accommodates his veganism and my need for real cheese. #Duh
Anyway, after dinner, we four made a stop at Safeway because the Airbnb my folks were staying at didn't have any food in the fridge...because that's how Airbnbs work. Incidentally, the Airbnb arrangements were made by the Beautiful Bride. Needless to say, The Newlyweds learned a lot and My Folks will not be staying at an Airbnb again.
So, naturally there was a huge discussion about who should go in the grocery store, make decisions about what people were going to eat, and be quick about it. #FuckThatNoise #ImOnVacation So, go Dad, go! You take your boy. I'll stay in the car with mom. Bro, gimme your keys so we can lock ourselves in. My ringer is on in case Dad needs to ask Mom questions. But you text me. Do not hand him your phone and let him call because then we will never leave Safeway, dude, you know what I'm sayin? Take your time. Trust me when I tell you he needs the mental health break. Dividing and conquering is how to parent The Parents. It's all good. It's why I flew solo.
As my mom and I were sitting in the car, even though she asked me at least three times how old my boys are, or what grade they are in, we had a delightful and relaxed conversation. I patiently answered her questions. I also explained that The Boys were not here for many reasons, including school, expense, sports, and stress. She completely understood. I told her that they enjoy things like Living Room Soccer, Hallway Baseball, and World Wrestling Federation: Living Room Edition. We had a good, and much needed laugh together.
So she appears happy. My dad...not so much....
While at the wedding reception of My Little Brother and his Beautiful Bride, I gave myself opportunities to have conversations with folks who are my parents' ages, people I know they consider close family friends. These people have been a part of my family as long as I can remember. Apparently, whenever my dad brings up my mom's health, and specifically her brain health, to my mom...my mom gets pissed and doesn't want to talk about it. And that's completely understandable. Denial is their coping mechanism. Alternatively, they are incredibly private people.
In my research and teaching of the health of aging...hopefully we make it there, right? Anyway, the research shows that strategically, it's best to not argue with them. In fact, it can just get you in trouble. I think perhaps my dad needs to develop some strategies to help himself best help her.
To help them both, I've printed the information in the "printer friendly" version from above link and will send it down to them. Because #JesusKnows that had I chosen to print the page, my dad would've become overwhelmed and thrown it away. The Internet is such a trend.
My dad is a prideful man and appears to be completely satisfied with his "ignorance is bliss" mentality towards the fact that he's not on the Internet...no, really, I wish I was making this piece up. I distinctly recall living in Flagstaff, attending NAU, 23+ years ago, having a Math T/A require we have an e-mail...? WTF is this email nonsense? And who in the goddmamn does that T/A think he is requiring such shenanigans? Seriously, you guys. Is he really that important? Yes. Yes he is. #MathProfRockStar
I recall my dad calling the Internet "trendy"...he said it was a soup of the day. #JesusDad #IThinkPerhapsHeDoesntKnowWhatAHashtagIs #GodLoveHim #WhatElseCanYaDo And now, the Internet and the Information Age is just how the world works. And no, my dad's got no #GoddamnClue about Amazon. Netflix? Prolly not...Maybe a DVD Player...? But I'd bet money the VCR still blinks 12:00. I know for a fact it's a VHS and not Beta.
If you haven't jumped on the Web...well, as my dad said, he's on a stage coach and everyone else is driving a car. I think perhaps a better analogy is he's chosen to remain with the Flintstones, and damn near everyone else is like the Jetsons! Bless his heart.
Anyway, I've also printed a picture of me, My Little Brother, and our folks, the
night before The Kid got married in an elaborate ceremony (more on that
to come). In typing this, and putting some pieces together in my head, I recognize
this could be one of the last pictures the four of us take while my
parents, my mom in particular, is coherent. I'm not intending to sound cold...it's just reality, you guys.
My Little Brother, Mom, Me, Dad. The night before The Kid got hitched.
Today is Friday and it's the first day my older son went to school since Monday. My younger son had a horrible night and didn't sleep...because of the GI bug. My husband drove my older son to school, and went to work...but ended up canceling classes and came home. I'll leave soon to pick up my older son, and make a couple of stops on the way...including getting a card for my parents, and a stop at the Post Office to mail the card, the info on dementia care-giving, and the picture of the four of us. Hopefully the picture will distract her, jog her memory, and my dad can keep the paperwork on the down low. We'll see.... It may just end up in the trash. In my heart, I know I've tried my best and set boundaries.
Ultimately, at the end of the day, to my dad, it doesn't matter that I'm a college Health instructor, and I research and I teach about topics such as aging. It doesn't matter to him that I have years of experience caring for my son, whom I love very deeply and who happens to have myriad neurological disorders, struggle to simply get through the day sometimes...and that he needs a pretty significant daily dose of anti-seizure medications to stay healthy. That doesn't matter to my dad. Like I said, he's got a lot of pride. From his perspective, I don't have a clue what I'm talking about because, the bottom line for him is: I am a child. I will always be a child. I will never be an adult. In. His. Eyes.
I think perhaps this has something to do with the fact that he's never seen me parent. I've never traveled with my children to Arizona. The last time my parents were in my home in Washington State, my 13-year-old son was ten months. You read that correctly. Ten months old. And, no, they've never even met my 10-year-old. It's horribly unfortunate and quite disappointing that my kids do not know...will never know...my folks.
But, I'm allowed to be a selfish bitch, and if you don't have the courage, the capacity, the ability, to deal with me, my husband, our kids, and our numerous health issues, of which I'm quite outspoken, then you don't deserve us. No matter our connection prior to those numerous health issues. You don't get us dad, and mom. My Little Brother, and his Beautiful Bride: they get us. He came up during My Cancer Adventure. And in the space of 10 months, they came up to visit us TWICE. They get us. Just like I told every guest at their reception when I made an awesomely witty speech and toasted them. They. Get. Us.
Except when they got married. Then they only got me live and in person. But, they still get us as a family. Because that's what family does.
They get it.
On a slightly different note...and bringing us full circle back to "the stomach flu"...it's my blog, so I think perhaps I'll get on my soapbox now...
I think perhaps...actually I know people that say "the stomach flu" make me want to poke out my goddamn eyes.
There is no "stomach flu" people.
The flu, or influenza, is a respiratory infection. It hits you in the lungs. Not the gut.
And while I recognize that folks have the best of intentions when they say "the stomach flu" it really tends to be a pet peeve of many health care professionals I know. So, please, use the correct terms. If you have "GI issues" and are dealing with barfing and hoping to make it to the toilet before you have liquid come out of your ass, then you're more than likely dealing with Norovirus. Alternately, you could also be dealing with Ebola, but that usually involves hemorrhaging. Like, bleeding out of your ass. And, Ebola hasn't yet made it to America. Hopefully it doesn't.
Also, you can feel free to watch this nifty 60 second video that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention made about the flu. And refrain from whatever your stance is on vaccines. #ScienceWorks
I can tell because throughout the morning, in small doses, he was able to handle a variation of the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast.
Keeping down a hot soft pretzel (available in the frozen food section bc ain't nobody got time for that!), an apple sauce packet, a banana, and a red Popsicle. I know I'm not supposed to give a red Popsicle to a person who has been vomiting and has diarrhea. But seriously...? It's a reasonable risk, you guys. #JustEat
He's also been keeping down water. Which is really good. Especially when compared to yesterday when he couldn't keep water down. And in his world, that means he didn't take his anti-seizure meds. Of which there are plenty.
So far, with this GI distress, he's missed three doses of his anti-seizure meds, and naturally, he's at an increased risk for seizures. #Duh #CauseAndEffect #Science
I've been watching him closely and haven't seen too many. From his initial diagnosis when he was 4, I've remained cautiously optimistic that he'll outgrow his seizures. Many kids do.
Even though he has a rare form of Epilepsy called Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome...and those kids usually don't outgrow their seizures. I remain diligently optimistic. Because, according to my son's Pediatric Neurologist: my son doesn't do things by the book. So, maybe...someday...he will outgrow his seizures...?
When sickness runs through our home, my child with special
needs gets hit the hardest and longest. It is unfortunate. But it makes sense. Because of the
numerous anti-seizure medications my son takes on the daily, his excretory system
is working harder, making him more at risk for kidney stones. And, he's
already predisposed to those since both paternal grandparents have had
them. I've heard women who have experienced both vaginal birth and
kidney stones...hopefully not simultaneously...have said they'd rather
give birth again than pass a kidney stone a second time. I can't say for certain, but it seems to me there's a lower level of long-term commitment with passing a kidney stone than giving birth. #WTFDoIKnow
And,
of course, his digestive system is working harder...so his liver is also
affected by the meds he takes. And he takes the meds so that he won't
seize. And if he seizes...when he seizes...his brain stops for a few seconds.... And, yes, it's stressful to watch. every.single.time.
So far, he's missed two days of school. He may or may not go to school tomorrow. In our house, we say "We'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow." So that's what we'll do with that.
He's concerned about missing Fun Friday. I'm concerned about getting more food and liquids into him and out of him in the healthiest way possible.
While he's not moved off the couch in two days, he's definitely feeling better. And for this I am thankful. It remains to be seen if he'll be at school tomorrow.
Oh! JOY!!! The boys are fighting over what to stream!
#ThankJesus I went to Phoenix so I could come home and get my Mom on at the Boss Level.
And don't worry, you guys...the wedding blog is coming.
My patience has been finer than frog's hair lately. Completely non-existent.
A little over a month ago, we separated our sons' room. They'd been sharing their room, in bunk beds, for seven...or maybe closer to eight...years...? We combined their rooms when they were about 5 and 2-1/2 years old. They started sleeping in the same room when we only dealt with one major health issue, my older son's epilepsy.
They shared a room though his subsequent autism diagnosis. And developmental delay diagnosis. The other neurological diagnoses that make him who he is.
My older son on the bottom bunk because he is bigger; my younger son on top bunk since he is smaller and more nimble. The Tortoise and the Hare.
They had each other throughout my Breast Cancer Adventure. Diagnosis. Lumpectomy. Chemo. Radiation. They were 8 and 6.
And they slept under the same glowing stars when their father was diagnosed with HPV-caused tonsil cancer. They were 9 and 7.
Now, at 12-1/2 and 10, they need their own space. We have three bedrooms. And I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I said yes to the huge change.
My younger son was creating his birthday list, and asked to have his own room. We set a date for the move, April 27, the Saturday before his tenth birthday. Two days before the move, he and his training partner
leveled up at Hapkido. So there was definitely some positive Qi in the
air.
Separation Day went smoothly, we'd been talking about The
Separation for quite some time. We had a firm date a few days before, as
we were coordinating with our dear friend Prof Z, Physicist of All Trades. We needed help taking bunk beds apart. Because duh. I mean, one time, my husband and I tried hanging up a medicine cabinet together, and nearly filed for divorce. So, to save our marriage, and not have "bunk beds" as the reason on the divorce decree, we asked for and received help.
The following Tuesday was another milestone for my younger son: the Tenth anniversary of having my vagina ripped open by birth for the last time in my life, #thankyoujesus Birthday. And in my house, by default, that means cupcakes at school. And that means he gets thrown ten times at Hapkido, which is something both of my kids really enjoy.
This year's throwing was extra special because my younger son was going to be thrown by his mentor. And he had a ton of questions about which throws she was going to do on him. To which I'd reply something like, "I don't know. It's out of my
control. But Ms. V knows what she's doing." And thinking in my head,
"Jesus, kid, I sure hope you sleep tonight." For my son, being Hapkidoed
by a mentor is a dream that is akin to my husband having a personal
conversation over dinner with Stephen Hawking.
Or maybe not because he's dead, and I'm pretty sure he ate through a g-tube...even though Randy did at one time, too. Ok, maybe
a better analogy is me having a dinner conversation with Dr. Ruth Westenheimer.No, really, she's still alive, you guys...and she's got a new thing going on the Internet...because she's a badass.
Anyway, the six weeks that my kids have been sleeping apart have been a huge transition for all of us. Especially my older son, since he has myriad neurological challenges, including puberty...which is a clusterfuck for any family. But my 12-1/2 year old is the one who moved...down the hall...into the room that was once his room when my kids slept apart.
And my patience is finer than frog's hair. Completely non-existent.
Any change takes time to adjust. There was a grace period where my older son was allowed to go into his old room/his brother's room, and my younger son was absolutely not permitted to scream about anything. But, naturally, he did. Especially when my older son touches my younger son's Legos. #SweetJesusTheresNoFuckinReasonToScreamOverLegos
And I get it. It's a constant fucking pissing contest between them. They are kids. They are boys. They are competitive. They are establishing boundaries and dominance. I get it. But seriously, you guys. Put your penises the fuck away. You're not in charge. I am. And I can piss circles around both of you. Standing up. With my eyes closed. #Bitches
Because getting a child through puberty, who is the opposite gender from you, and is developmentally delayed, is not going to be easy. Imagine your child at the age of five. Now try explaining puberty to your child. Yup. That's what were doing here at the Anderson Family Circus.
Not to mention that he's graduating from sixth grade next week. And Movin' On Up to the Middle School, which is a huge transition and stressful for any kid. Yes, we had a tour. Yes, I'm communicating with the Middle School.
So, even though my patience is finer than frog's hair...completely non-existent...I'm doing my best to get through the changes that my kids are dealing with as individuals. And as much as I like to forget that it's been four years since I went through my Cancer Adventure, and three years since my husband went through his Cancer Near Death Experience...having patience for all of the things is really fucking hard.
I'm doing my best to remind myself that I'm human, and that mistakes are inevitable. Ultimately, change happens, and as much as I'd love to smother them both, my job as a parent is to support and guide them.
#AndAlso I'm not into going to prison. Who would run the Circus, you guys?
