Normal Converstaion

Had you been listening:

Me: What did you do today, dude?

Hubs: Grade calculus. What did you do?

Me: Made an educational video for my Human Sexuality Students about the importance of butt plugs having a base so they don't get sucked up into a person's colon and then they have to go to the hospital and get it removed. I'm all about prevention.

Hubs: Nice. I presume you also discussed the importance of lube?

Me: Totes, dude. Lube is always the answer. Lube prevents rips and tears.

14: Mom, seriously. This isn't awesome. 

Me: Do you realize how many teenagers wish their mothers talked openly about butt plugs? And sexuality?

14: No. Did you do a survey?

Me: No, Mr. Snappy Pants, I didn't do a survey because I haven't written a proposal and/or gone before the Institutional Review Board. But I might. Maybe I'll ask the Boss Lady when I see her for our meeting. 

14: MOM! 

Me: Well, in this instance, I'll ask permission and not forgiveness. And that is hard for me.

Hubs: Did you do a demo in your video? 

Me: I did not. I talked it through with some pictures. 

Hubs: Well, on the one hand, that's disappointing. But on other hand, that's great! What pictures did you use? 

Me: This one, which I'm only now realizing is labeled incorrectly. It's labeled Beginner to Expert, but they need to flip the pic and start with the small one.

Hubs: Yeah that huge one is probably going to intimidate people. 

Me: Probably. 

14: MOM! Please! Stop. 

Me: Dude, some people are into anal pleasure. Try not to judge. Sex is only as weird as you make it. 

Hubs: what else did you teach your students?

Me: I showed them a cross section of a female so they could understand that, indeed, our colons are designed to keep stuff in. Our colons are kind of of like a vacuum. You don't wanna be walking down the street and have your poop fall out. That would be sad. 

Hubs: Very sad.

14: MOM! 

Me: Dude, you have options. You can leave the room. You can not listen. You can turn your music up. You can practice your ignoring skills.

Hubs: I have stellar ignoring skills.

Me: You do indeed.

Hubs: But I don't ignore sex. 

Me: You do not.

14: You guys are gross.

Me: You know how you were created, right? Like Daddy ejaculated inside of my vagina and his sperm joined with my egg and--

14: I can't.

16: You can.

Hubs: Wear a condom.

Me: And communicate with any potential sexual partner.

14: Stop.

Me: And use lube. Lube is always the answer.

16: And be kind and wonderful. 

Me: Exactly. Be kind and wonderful. 

Headed Out

So...it's been awhile...

And somehow saying, "Greetings and salutations!" doesn't seem quite right.

How's the Stay Home Order treating you and yours? Who's on you're #quaranteam?

I mean, at least we don't have 36 goddamn inches of snow on the ground...which...depending on if you're a Stephen King fan or a Twilight Zone fan...has the potential for a little fun...Yeah....

Anyway, so my family is managing, like any family, to the best of it's current ability amid the Coronavius Pandemic. Many families are in survival mode. And survival mode sucks. Speaking from experience as a mom of a 13-year-old boy who is living with a rare form of epilepsy, and has been seizing since he was 3...I get it. Survival mode completely fucking sucks. Oh, and cancer in each parent in two years was also survival mode. Subsequently, this survival mode is just how my home functions on the daily because epilepsy, autism, and surviving cancers is, thankfully, how we roll here at The Anderson Family Circus.

At first, my husband and I largely took turns leaving our home during the Stay Home order. Since I'm the Purchasing Department and the Creative Culinary Force/Primary Food Source, I'd make a trip to Safeway...which is a blog in and of itself. My husband, in order to escape the Monkey House, would make the trip all the way into town to go to the Post Office. Which, in our world, is a guarantee of 40 minutes alone time, round trip. We discussed logistics of our new to us as a family version of survival mode, and agreed to use InstaCart for our Costco Purchases.

Anyway, so collectively, the four of us have not left our home together as a family since Wednesday March 18th. The weekend before, everything had come to a screeching halt, and our school district was emailing parents each day with the rapidly changing shit show in the earliest days of the Coronavirus Pandemic. Wednesday was the first day students were permitted to retrieve their

belongings, and, in this instance, better an hour early than a minute late. Get in, get out, get on with life. #LifeNeverGoesAsPlanned #StoryForAnotherTime But I will say that not everyone was able to pick up his belongings. Some people are amazing and get kids and understand how community works. Other people don't.

Annnnnyyyyyyyyway...third Saturday in May was our first venture out, as a family, in two solid months. And, yes, we wore our masks. Because it's all the rage. And alllllll the cool kids are doing it. #AndAlso the CDC says. In my house, tend to subscribe to the fascinating belief system called science!






Science is really cool.

You guys, I really captured our essences with watermelon, cats, Spirograph, and Star Wars fabrics. #Obvs

So aside from the fact that the CDC recommends them and I totally #NailedIt with these fabulous fabrics, and we look like a goddamn bunch of badasses, why am I wearing a mask? Because of my Cancer Adventure in 2015. My husband is choosing to wear a mask because of his own Cancer Situation (can we call it that? Cancer Situation? Can we finally name it?) in 2016. #AndAlso the American Cancer Society, who is responsible for a lot of sciencey stuff, says, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each person is different."

My family is different. We've been struck by lightening. Several times, actually. So I prefer to not call down the thunder. The Fates.

Because the stories of kids contracting Coronavirus...and a parent not being able to go in. What? You mean if one of my children contracts COVID-19 and is hospitalized, my husband and/or I would not be permitted to be with him? I can't even wrap my brain around that. What if it's my child who is disabled and what about his meds and how will he take them and can I get his CBD oil in him and how will he understand what you're doing to him and WAIT! 

So now up here in Washington State, and specifically in my little community, where you can get dirty looks at the Post Office for wearing a mask while walking towards your hybrid...maybe she just had RBF...but the sticker on her rig told me otherwise...we're getting ready to go into Phase 2. On Monday, June 1st. So, like tomorrow. And as a cancer survivor who was a cancer care giver and we have a kiddo with myriad neurological disabilities, reopening is fucking terrifying. My former home state of Arizona recently reopened and apparently Mill Ave was hopping like there wasn't a respiratory virus running around. WTF Tempe? Get your shit together. #FuckinMaricopaCounty #ScumDevils

Will communities that reopen see an increase in cases? Absolutely. The good thing about living up here on the North Olympic Peninsula, we have been lucky to have (a) a very low number of cases, and (b) no community transmission. Basically, everyone who's been diagnosed with Coronavirus in Clalllam County contracted the disease when they traveled outside of the county. So they got up and bounced over to Seattle...and then they got the 'rona, and then they brought it home. Does this concern me? Absolutely. I get it: sometimes we need to travel. But right now, we all need to figure out what's an essential trip and what's not. We need to make health decisions not only for ourselves, but for our community. And by wearing a mask, I'm saying: "I see you. I recognize that I do not know if I've been exposed to Coronavirus. But I do not want to risk your health."

It's kinda like saying, "Hey, I'm really sexually active and I need to use a condom, not because I am worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's still have sex. But be safe about it."

In this example, we're saying we like to have sex. Right? Totally on board with that. But can you imagine if HIV was transmitted as easily as Coronavirus? "Hey, I'm really into breathing and being alive and I need to wear a mask, not because I'm worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's breathe the same air. But be safe about it."

So, as a woman who's family has been the beneficiary of an incredible and selfless team of people who have picked up the shattered pieces of me, I wear my mask for you. I wear my mask for the kids who are dealing with all the health issues, and who absorb so many fuckin needle sticks and electrodes and tests and surgeries that an adult would cave. Those kids are already used to people wearing masks and gloves. Reading people's eyes. Knowing kindness. Or malice. Based solely upon the person's eyes.


And what is that going to look like for all of the people who were out protesting yesterday? Will there be an increase in the number of Coronavirus cases across the country? Absolutely. And how do you feel, knowing that the United States of America is leading the pack with the number of deaths caused by this disease? Is it a badge of honor for you? Have we, culturally, really become that desensitized to death?

Maybe the protesters aren't "just" protesting the systemic racial injustice that they have experienced for hundreds of years in a country they were forcibly brought to. Maybe there was a little bit of angst about the fact that blacks are dying at significantly higher rates from like, every goddamn disease, including Coronavirus?

So, when we re-open tomorrow, will much change for us as a community? No. However, our summertime tourist season is fixing to start and while we are all relying on that influx of money, it may or may not come immediately...but it will come, and with it will come an increase of cases. When we look at pandemics over time, let's say the Spanish Flu, which is also called the 1918 Flu, and, curiously, started on an Army Base in...wait for it...Kansas! It's called Spanish Flu because Spain wasn't involved in WWI and their press was free to report about this emerging illness, the US, France, Germany, and others, all perceived that the Spanish "started" the flu. Anyway a hundred years later, estimates of 20 million to an 50 million people died during the 1918/Spanish Flu Pandemic. That's a lot of goddamn people you guys...

So second wave...it's coming. For all of us. When? I don't know, you guys...because, again, I'm not an oracle. I'm just a mom that's gotta get dinner going for her kids, ya know?

Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there. And most importantly, please be kind. You can never tell what a person is dealing with, just based on the eyes above their face mask.

Overwhelmed

I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I bet you are, too. There is a plethora of information coming at us from all angles: our employers, our schools, our colleges and universities...which may also be our employer...and then there's the health department and the hospitals. And #SweetJesus with Facebook and Twitter! Some of the memes have been hysterical! But, really...Calgon! Take me away!

The best way for me to help you is acknowledge that I do not have all of the answers. I mean, I know a lot of shit about a lot of shit, from both my professional background and from personal experience...and #JesusKnows I'm always up for providing my opinion...but I'm not an oracle, you guys. I mean, seriously. The information regarding the Coronavirus is changing rapidly and, yes, it's hard to keep up. And, really, I think there's a certain pressure to know what's going on, for all of us, about how to best work together and help each other stay healthier.

Here's information from the Center's for Disease Control and Prevention.  Please scroll down, for information about the how to prevent and control for Coronavirus at home, at schools K-12, at colleges and universities, at work (for those of you who work in a traditional office), in health care settings, and more.

The other website I trust and reference frequently is the World Health Organization.

Am I anxious? A little. I'd be lying if I said I didn't stock up on hand sanitizer, hand soap, and paper towels. And the best I can understand about people buying toilet paper en masse is that perhaps they are also using it as facial tissues...? Like instead of Kleenex. Secretly, I prefer Puffs.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

But we also don't know what we don't know. Like is this a seasonal illness...? Will numbers drop when the weather in the Northern Hemisphere warms up? Will it recur? How long will this outbreak last? Is it worth it to go to the store and look for items like hand soap and rubbing alcohol and where's that video for the recipe for homemade hand sanitizer? And does it really work...?

The World Health Organization has produced a number of videos, around the Coronavirus outbreak and you can click here for more information...good luck and have fun! This one was pretty good; it explains how the virus started and where it's headed. Please note that the video was uploaded by WHO on January 31, 2020...and while this isn't "old"...it is dated...at less than 6 weeks old, and new details about the Coronavirus have emerged. And, again, it's hard to keep up...so I do my best to let go of the specifics...go back to basics...like washing hands and wiping down surfaces in my home, including doorknobs and light switches, with antibacterial wipes. I was at Costco a while ago before they started limiting the number of things you could buy. And I just shop different...because of lots of reasons, like cancers and earthquake preparedness and winter storms are legit up here on the Peninsula you guys....

Anyway, a good option for taking your mind off of the Coronavirus is always watching a movie. If you're into scaring the shit out of yourself, you may want to consider watching fictitious movies like "28 Days Later" or "Contagion". Just remember that what happens in Hollywood movies isn’t the truth...but it could be good to help get you thinking about what to do to protect yourself and the people you love.

Alternatively, Netflix has a new docuseries called "Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak"...and the timing is impeccable. Of course, the more time passes, the more information about the Coronavirus has emerges, including info from what's happening in the City of Wuhan, where the outbreak originated. It's like a ghost town.

In my opinion, you're much better off spending time watching the factual videos and documentaries than to watch the Hollywood versions of Judgement Day. I mean, seriously. At least you'll have some kinda knowledge about communicable diseases, you guys. 

And you know how you're now seeing germs on everything? And how every time you are out in public and you hear someone cough you're like "WTAF? Don't come near me or I will spray you with Lysol, bitches!!!" That's my everyday. Because anxiety does that to me. Welcome to my world. I like to think of myself as a product of my education and the numerous classes I've taken on disease control and prevention. And, of course, you don't watch your husband survive staph endocarditis, and tonsil cancer without learning a thing or two about compromised immune systems and how to protect your family from germs. Seriously. Oh, and when I went through breast cancer, I carried hand sanitizer with me all.the.time. And I still do. I'm that broad wiping down the cart with disinfecting wipes. Or pouring hand sanitizer on the cart handle. For real. Keep your germy germs to yourself. Thanks.

Anyway, so, yes, it creates anxiety and yes, the President is a dip shit and no I'm not listening to him and his non-science-based health advice and that he stated it's a hoax by the Democrats, even though he backtracked to cover his ass, and that he thinks it's ok to hang out in large crowds...even though Washington State Governor Jay Inslee said that you may want to consider not hanging out in large crowds since there's a fucking Coronavirus outbreak and the first case and first death were both in the greater Seattle area, but they aren't the same person. Explain to me how the Democrats concocted this hoax that started in China and explain how thousands of people have died, and explain to their families how in the actual fuck this is a hoax. Please. I'm really curious about just how those synapses are firin' there, Mr. President...because it's not the same advice that the scientists and physicians and health care workers are giving. #PraiseBe

#AndAlso did you really just overrule the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention and tell senior citizens that it's ok to fly? When the agency responsible for keeping Americans healthy just said that senior citizens should avoid nonessential travel since they are at higher risk because, just naturally as we age, our immune system ages...and in all likelihood we've probably been through some shit just to make it the Age of Retirement? As a friendly FYI, the CDC is also recommending that people with chronic health conditions, including but not limited to a variety of issues involving heart, lungs, or kidney disease limit themselves to travel and avoiding crowds.

Why in the fuck is a communicable disease being politicized? Oh wait...right, we had that with the Gay Plague in the early 1980's with HIV and AIDS.

Would I stay home if I was over 60? Eh. Maybe. Would I, as a cancer survivor, at the age of 70, get on an airplane and fly across the country right now? Probably not. Because, #SweetJesus what if I'm visiting my friend in the District and the FAA and CDC shut down all flights into Seattle and I can't find a car to rent in order to get home...all the way from DC to Port Angeles...? Holy Shit. I remember people did that as a result of 911.

Also, if you need a break from all of this, since this is a visceral post (aren't they all?) I encourage you to take time to click here...and read the entire thing. It's pretty cool.

So, I gave you CDC and WHO...and here's the Washington State Department of Health's (DOH...like Homer Simpson, not a fan, but still it's an appropriate cultural reference) page...and the DOH has fact sheets in ELEVEN languages! Thank you Washington State for being awesome like that!

And the Clallam County Department of Health and Human Services totally has their shenanigans together, you guys! For real. Check out the super easy to read info: http://www.clallam.net/Coronavirus/

Locally, you can also check KONP, Olympic Medical Center, Peninsula College, and the Peninsula Daily News (maybe think about letting Coronavirus-related articles be no charge...? Thanks!)

This is an interesting article from the NY Times....and people in the greater Seattle area that are over age 60 and pregnant women, to stay home...and cancel events where more than 10 people gather...to reduce the spread of disease.

And here, check out this really cool interactive map!

OH! And did you read the article on GeekWire about Avi Schiffmann, the kid in the Seattle area who created a website called https://ncov2019.live/ to track data about the Coronavirus? He's the lead on the data and the facts, right now, because, ya know, everything is a race...#boys.

And did you see that Jay Inslee is awesome? I mean, I know I mentioned him before...but seriously. Covering the cost of the COVID test! Who does that? Washington State does. Take that, DC!

And thank you for NOT shaking hands, Governor. Seriously. Because keep your germy germs to yourself.

Do I think we're gonna get positive cases out here? Yes. We're geographically isolated, but we are not immune to the Coronavirus. All we can do is try our best to prevent the spread of any disease. Practice regular hand washing...

...and keep breathing. 

Thanks for reading. 
Namaste,
Rachel
xo