School is Coming

It's looming.

Whether we all want to deal with it or not.

School is coming.

No matter the choice we make with and/or for our children and family members, it's the right one. There is no right or wrong.

There's no judgment here. You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

We've made our decision, as a family, based upon our family's health history and dynamic, as well as both parents professions. My family will be doing online learning. Yes, because both parents are online educators. But also because the start of the school year always brings home the myriad illnesses, and what could be a sniffle in my 11-yr-old could be a life-altering, or perhaps -ending, disease in my almost 14-year-old, me, or my husband. #AndAlso bc that's what we as a family collectively decided. Oh, and #Science and #Data also play a big part in our decision making, too.

So, the institution for which my husband and I are employed decided during the spring quarter that we would be online for fall. Except for specific programs and labs, for which there will be social/physical distancing requirements, including masks covering the nose and mouth. Please contact your advisor for further information. Also, we are, as an institution, still open and operating during the summer, and many of us are even prepping for the fall quarter...

...and here y'all thought we did nothing but sit around gettin some type of cancer or a broken arm every summer! Nope, we're working! #TeamAnderson

But, anyway. Distance learning...my husband and I chose to have a discussion with our sons about what our employer had planned...and what we anticipated public school to look like for them upon their return in the fall. We talked about masks covering their nose and mouth, the physical distancing, we didn't know what PE or recess or assemblies would look like...but to not even worry about those pieces yet. This was one of many conversations with my children throughout the spring...and ultimately, my community was waiting for our local school district to make decisions about how to best offer learning opportunities for the community given the pandemic...and we weren't gonna know anything until at least the end of June or early July.

When the opportunities were presented, we provided the information to our children.

We talked about the ABAB face-to-face model as a learning opportunity, where they'd go to school on a staggered style: Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday, with Wednesday being an online learning day...or maybe a massive cleaning day. Both? And my kids were a firm no on that. Because, as my 11-year-old son pointed out, why bother going for two days and risk getting anything, let alone COVID? #HesASmartCookie

While my husband and I made the decision back in the spring regarding what to do with our children's education in the fall, we wanted to give our kids the information and give them the opportunity to think about the options, and come to conclusions on their own. #Democracy

Yet, we also wanted to gently guide them and encourage them to not go to school because #Parenting

 

We kept close eyes on what universities and colleges across America decided regarding the fall term. When the entire University of California System said no face-to-face learning for the fall...as educators, we knew those universities made the right decisions for their communities.

We also looked at the data trends within Clallam County. On the one hand, it's kinda cool that we can start to see trends in the data and now have enough cases that we can get a break-down by age and regional distribution of COVID-19. On the other hand, this means we're seeing an increase in cases in our county, and we all need to recognize that we are all living here together and to please do our best to follow the rules and wear masks. Please. And thank you.

The local county health department data show, at the time of this writing, that the highest numbers of cases were in the following age ranges: 20 cases of 10-19 year olds; and approximately 17 cases in the 50 year olds. And that's my family of fellas. Except me: I'm in my late 40's and there's only like six cases...so my age group is low because we're all dealing with oppressive midlife crises and are masking up. Oh, and of course the kids in their 20's also have about 18 cases, according to local data...but everyone knows you're invincible in your 20's...right? #sarcasm 

 

But, the point is, you don't want to be on the bar graph. You with me? For real.

So, am I sending my children into the Petri dish that is school? #FuckNo

You are? Fantastic. Good for you. Totally support you. Totally. Because I have absolutely no idea what your life is like, and I'm absolutely not judging you. I have confidence that you had numerous discussions with your children and family members and that you making the best decision with and for your children and family.

Because we can't NOT talk about COVID. It has consumed our culture. My kids incorporate it into their play. I tell my nearly 14-year-old son, the one who is developmentally delayed...yeah, I say, "Wash your hands and make big bubbles. You need to get rid of all the COVID." For real. I wish I didn't have to say things like that to my son; but I get to. #ISurvivedBreastCancerForThis

I also wish our country, our economy, and our culture did not make it so parents are actively having to choose between being employed and caring for children. I hope someday that people are not forced to choose between caregiving and employment.

I recognize that my level of education, the color of my skin, my gender and my chosen profession award me certain benefits and that I am very fortunate to be employed and that my family has health insurance. Because my family is expensive.

Why? My family has been hit by lightning too many times. I've bloodied my knuckles climbing out of pediatric neurological disorders, as well as mine and my husbands cancers, and the unimaginably seriously fucking oppressive stress that naturally accompanies those life-threatening health issues.

So, sending my kids to the school during a pandemic? Even though the numbers in my county are still, kinda...currently...low? No. I'm just not into borrowing trouble.

My older son, needs 1:1 support throughout much of his day...and so how's that gonna work with physical distancing? Not to mention the stress of having to keep a mask on all day. And see classmates and teachers in masks? Ummm...#Anxiety much? He's got a formal diagnosis of anxiety, so how in the fuck do you work all of that mask-wearing, hand-washing, physical distancing in to an Individualized Education Plan?

I have zero desire to deal with that. And, thankfully, neither does my kiddo with special health needs. #HesASmartCookie

Oh, and have I mentioned he's o

All the pharms
(top, AM doses; bottom PM doses)

n a shit ton of medication to help control his seizures? The upside of him being home since mid-March is he's now having fewer seizures because he's not plugged into a computer all fuckin day like he was at school, thank you very much. I mean, if he's gonna be plugged in all day, he can do that shit at home, bitch. #ForReal #YouGuys

 And this kid always, always, gets hit the hardest and the longest during cold and flu season...his body works really really hard to process all the hundreds of milligrams of anti-seizure meds.

#AndAlso the price of said anti-seizure meds: $850 a month.

 

#ThankYouUniverseForHealthInsurance

Honestly, the kid's as happy as a clam sitting in his room making playlists on his Alexa Dot, playing with his Rubik's cube. Hanging with Mochi.

Mochi's favorite mask. For real. He's a fan.

He's having an ok summer. He is glad to get out of the house and go to Hapkido twice a week. He and I are training partners, and we're having a lot of fun throwing each other around and learning how to correctly break each other in half! 

But 11...he's a little more tricky...like many of the neurotypcial younger siblings that I know, my second son is much more social than my first. He misses his best friend, as well as his Hapkido training partner, both of which are wonderful and amazing young ladies. It's his fabulous man hair. He gets that from me, you guys. Because he certainly doesn't get it from his father. #Bald

 

And it's not that my kids don't want to go to school. They do. They miss their friends and the trusted adults they work with. My kids miss sports. My kids miss life as they knew it and absolutely long for a sense of normalcy in all of this craziness.

While I understand that there's a longing in people to "get back to normal"...in my mind, there is no "going back".... Really, we can only keep moving forward.

When I had my first needle biopsy done on my breast, before we knew I had cancer, I remember that the female tech that was assisting the physician told me that the first needle biopsy was always the scariest because it's a brand new invasive test. And then she said that she was a stage 4 breast cancer survivor, she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction (didn't plastics do a fine job? she was quite pleased) and that her cancer experience caused her to learn to live differently for a while...and she learned to live in a new normal.

My 11 yr old and his new Star Wars mask

That woman and her words have stayed with me for five years. And I think that's what we all need to do is learn to live differently for a while.

But to define "a while"...I have to look to the last pandemic which was the 1918 Spanish Flu. And that motherfucker raged our planet for two full years. And ya know how they got rid of it? Masks! For real! And, by the way, masks were political 102 years ago. There was even an Anti-Mask League based in San Francisco.

 

During the Spanish Flu pandemic, schools in major cities remained open, at risk to students and teachers. And, of course, the families supporting the kids and the adults. But back then, "Some cities, such as Boston and New York City, established school corps, comprised of medical inspectors who made daily rounds through the public schools to determine the health status of individual children and entire classrooms."

 

Wait! What? They had physicians in public schools who had eyes on kids every day. Can you imagine if we had that now? Even before COVID? 

 

But, back in 1918, many American families didn't have flushing toilets and hot running water from a tap in their homes. And bathrooms in NYC? #forgitaboudit Bathrooms were communal. You, me, my family, you family, and probably all the families on the entire floor of our highrise apt are sharing that limited space. #germs Oh, and someone would have to be responsible for running the chamber pot downstaris to the Night Soil Removers. #forreal

Or, you could just take a dump in the outhouse on the corner. Your choice. 

Thankfully, many people in Western cultures now get to poop in a toilet in their own bathroom and wash their hands with hot water from the tap. But, not everyone in the world is as lucky as us. And if you wanna learn more, please feel free to check out this TED Talk called Let's Talk Crap. Seriously. It's brilliant. 

But, let's get back to school. Because school is coming.

 

And so, if it means you're choosing to not send your kids to school, and do whatever type of learning works best for you and your family...? That is fantastic. 

And if you are sending your kids to school...? That is equally fantastic.

 

But, I have the some questions. And, no, I'm not starting a fight. These are legit questions I have, and I'm curious to know if other people are thinking about this, too...?

What about immunocompromised elders? And I'm not talking grandparents. Parents are elders too. What about parents?

What about immunocomopromised children who are at school? How will those kiddos stay safe? 

Why did the GOP cancel their national convention in Florida? Why did the individual currently occupying the Oval Office say "I looked at my team and I said the timing for this event is not right. It's just not right with what's been happening." Translation: my handlers said I can't have a pep rally for me bc COVID. #Hypocrisy

But the GOP wants to send your kids & teachers to school? So, in my mind, they are saying "we're more important than you, so we're canceling our biggest in-person event of the entire year, but you peasants can just go to school." Why are people accepting this bullshit? Because that's exactly what the fuck it is: BULLSHIT.

What about the pictures of reopened schools that are making their way across the internet? You know the ones...where kids are seen crowded together in hallways and classrooms and maskless? And what about that little second grader down in Georgia who tested positive for COVID on the first day of school? FIRST DAY! Sweet Baby Jesus! How many people did that little dude expose? 

 

Or what about an entire fourth grade class in North Carolina, who are now quarantining? Worth noting: the individual currently occupying Number One Observatory Circle, who is commonly known as Pence...as well as Secretary of Education DoucheVos personally visited this chain of private schools and chose to not wear masks. So, lemme get this straight: they visited a private school, told the folks at the school how important it is that they are opening, but refused to wear masks so they didn't protect anyone? Um...way to model that example there, federal administrators.

How do you feel about the fact that some teachers are preparing wills as they get ready to go back to school? I mean, it's absoultely a great idea that if we are adults that we have a will in place. Especially if we have children. Because, if something unexpected and potentially catastrophic were to happen to you and or your children's other parent...speaking from experience...it's a damn good idea to have one. But as part of prep for the school year...?

If you send your child to school, who is responsible for providing the mask your child is going to wear?

And, did you know that the recommendation from Johns Hopkins Medicine is to wear the mask once? ONE TIME! And then you gotta wash it! So, basically, you gotta treat your mask like it's shitty underwear. Parents, are you hearing me? And, no, you don't get to turn your mask inside out and wear it a second time. Masks are a one shot deal, if you will. #shotmywad So, do you have enough masks, and enough laundry detergent, to keep up? And do you have the time and energy to wash your children's masks each day? #BossLevelBitchChores

 

Finally, how in the goddamn are teachers supposed to keep kids physically distant during an active shooter drill? Or an actual active shooter? I know. They'll all hide like they're supposed to. But, still. This is a real-life situation that students, teachers, and administrators are gonna need to deal with.

 

I get it. This is a really big fuckin deal. Nobody likes change. 

 

I get that schools are responsible for so much more than "just" educating our kids. Health care, nutrition, child care, making sure they are safe and loved while they are at school which is basically mental health care. So, if schools are that important, why is the fed cutting funds and cutting funds and cutting funds and expecting teachers to do more and more and more with less and less and less? And, by the way, the individual currently occupying the Oval Office can't just cut funding to schools. Motherfucker's mouth runs faster than his atrophying brain.

 

But every time Governor Inslee makes an announcement people "can't even with him" and they "need to take a social media break." I get that people don't like the fact that the man is the bearer of news they don't want to hear. But really, if you don't like the fact that Governor Inslee is relying on scientific data to make decisions about your health, there are several states that don't rely on data and I'm sure they'd be happy to receive you. Please feel free to look into Arizona, Texas, and/or Florida, where the governors of those states are totally fuckin Mochi about the health of their constituents.

 

Is Inslee doing the right thing by saying that schools can reopen based upon the county's caseload. Today, that's the right decision.

 

Do I anticipate that it will change? Absolutely. 

 

I think it's a good idea to cancel sports? As much as it sucks, yes. Please note, both of my children are athletes. 13 is a gold medalist in Special Olympics Basketball. And he has kicked some major ass in SO Bowling. And 11 is Messi (aren't they all?). And yes, they absolutely miss their sports. And yes, my husband and I absolutely miss watching them play.

And, as much as Inslee is the one saying what he is, he's getting recommendations from the Washington State Deparement of Health as well as the Washington Office of Public Instruction. 

 

I don't think he wants to be the bearer of this news. But it's his job. And I anticipate his job is gonna get a little tougher as we get closer to the school year starting in September. And then into the fall and even into the winter. Becasue, no matter how badly we want it to go away, COVID is gonna be here. 

 

And I think we all need to be prepared that even if everyone does go back to school, there's a good chance we'll have a second wave...pay attention the history of diseases. The Spanish Flu of 1918...? Three waves and 50 million deaths worldwide. So look alive, please! #payattention

 

Vaccine? Too soon. The quickest turn around for any vaccination to be successfully created and properly tested was four years, and it was for the mumps. In 1963, a child named Jeryl Lynn was sick with the mumps. Fortunately for her, her dad was a microbiologist named Maurice Hilleman...and as luck would have it, he specialized in vaccinology (no really, it's a thing). So, basically, he used his daughter's mumps and created the vaccine, and then it was tested in rats and then in people and then in 1967, the vaccine was licensed and mass produced and that's why mumps is no longer a childhood illness. You're welcome. And, worth noting, Hilleman is responsible for creating a whole bunch of vaccines and keeping us healthy. Check out the link I provided on his name. And thank you, Dr Hilleman. I sincerely wish you were with us today to help with the current pandemic.

 

So, anyway, my point, wrapping all of this up because it's #bongthirty or #wineoclock somewhere, is that we all get to learn to live differently for a while. 

 

And if that means you are choosing to send your kids to school because of your reasons, that is totally fantastic. Good luck.

 

And, if you're choosing to do homeschool, or virtual school, or even take a year off of providing a "formal" education for your kids, that is equally fantastic. Unschooling is cool.

The bottom line is we're all making what we feel are the best decisions for our family. And we need to support one another in those decisions.

 

You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

And thanks for reading. x

#ClusterFuckShitShow

Well things in our nation have certainly turned into a bigger #ClusterFuckShitShow much faster than mostly anticipated...mostly.

I'm not quite sure where to start...yet again...about the events as they've unfolded in the last few weeks, but can say for certain that on Monday June 8, the Washington State Department of Health stated:

The Washington State Department of Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention now recommend that people wear cloth face coverings when they are in public settings where they cannot maintain 6 feet of distance from others.

Don't blame Inslee for all of it. I mean I'm all for blaming the old white dude in the room, but it's deeper than him. While Inslee is far from perfect, he's not the Governor Douchey...Ducey of Arizona, who reopened his entire state, and is now seeing huge increases in the number of cases across the state, and then had the fucking balls to say, "we all just gotta learn to live with it"? In spite of the fact that evidence is coming in that wearing a fitted mask to cover our mouth and nose...oh...wait...SCIENCE!

And, let's just get this outta the way here and now. Your mask needs to cover your mouth and your nose. Otherwise, this is what I'll see. Every. Time.

Now you'll see it, too. You're welcome.

Anyway,  Inslee's basing his decisions about your health on data that the epidemiologists and biostatisticians at the Department of Health's of Communicable Disease Epidemiology are mathing up. Oh, #AndAlso, did you know that there are shit ton of communicable diseases these people track? For real. Check out this link for a cool table. #ImAGeekLikeThat #HealthData

Anyway, so get your masks on. And be sure to wear it to your local Black Lives Matter Protest! #ForReal But, only go if you're capable of going, you guys. My family was incapable of going to the protest in our community. For lots of reasons, that I really don't need to list, right...? I mean.... #PayAttention #Please #YouGuys

If you wanna blame someone, or something, blame the virus. But know that the virus itself is not in your control.

And I'm not gonna go on with some "we can only control our own reaction" nonsense because no. Just no.

I've been watching my older son seize for ten years. His epilepsy is not in my control.

When I had breast cancer five years ago, what happened to my body was not in my control.

When my husband went through HPV-caused tonsil cancer four years ago, how he responded to his surgeries and medications were not in my control.

Three years ago, with less than two weeks left in the school year, when my younger son fell off the goddamn monkey bars at school and broke his radius and ulna in his dominant arm and ended up in a full-arm cast for the entire summer. Guess what? Not in my control.

#ThankJesus my kid taught himself how to wipe with his left arm and hand. You know what I'm saying.

But, if you will, he also created some fantastic art, during the summer of 2017, pictured below, #ProudMomMoment

Wonder Woman pencil sketch, and Greta.

This picture hangs on my bedroom wall, on my side of the bed that I share with my husband. Our son was 9 at the time, just finished second grade, where he learned so many different ways to write the date (thanks Mrs N! You rock!) wrote, in very small print, "I did this with my left hand". #OfCourseHeDid

Also worth noting, 2017 is the year Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman exploded on our culture. And fuck yes we took the boys to see it! #DUH my kid drew this after we saw the movie. It was really pretty cool.

Oh and, let's not forget that we Andersons absofuckinlutely do things to balance the Force because, two years ago, when my younger fell off the goddamn monkey bars at Hapkido and bow-fractured his non-dominant arm at the end of the summer and ended up starting the fourth grade with a half-armed cast.

#OfCourseHeDid

#NotInMyControl

#MyLifeIsAComicBook
 
Annnnyyyyywaaayyyy, my point, of course, is that the current Coronavirus pandemic is absolutely not in our control. We can do things to prevent contracting it, like staying home, wearing a mask, and, if we feel safe, we can Bubble with others. NPR has a great 4 minute podcast that explains bubbling.  (Based upon his voice he can totally be in my bubble, yo! #ImASuckerForAccents)

Our federal leadership has failed spectacularly at it's public health campaign, with the idea that a virus is a business to manage. The individual currently occupying space in the Oval Office has decided to halt funding to the World Health Organization. As if you can just stop doing business with the health of the world. Our health is not a switch that can be turned on and off...or a contract written only to then be renegotiated or terminated.

And as of today, Friday June 26, we in Washington State are required to wear a mask while in public. We were all given a choice to be responsible citizens, but some of us had to go and fuck it up for everyone. So now we all get to wear our masks, all the time. Except you! Lady at JoAnn's who was with her daughter and think we don't see you. Rude. And dammit it's getting more and more challenging to recognize folks...but on the other hand it's a little bit easier to avoid some...we all have them and we all are them.

So you may be asking, "Well, why do I need to wear a mask that covers both my mouth and my nose?" Because #JesusRachel get to the bigger point!

The reason we need to wear masks is to protect other people. I wear a mask to protect you from contracting the Coronavirus. Because I care about you. Even though I don't know you. I recognize you as a part of my community, and to protect your health, and even the health of the people you live with, I'm willing to wear a mask when I am in public in my community.

This isn't about the government telling me what to do. Because, really? #fuckthat This is about a basic humanitarian level of caring about each other. Yet, perhaps not shockingly, wearing a mask has become political in America. And the irony is not lost on me that an entire group of people are completely pissed off that the government is telling them what to do with their body is, by and large, the same group of people who are attempting to control the health care rights of women's bodies, all while stripping health care rights away for all Americans...in the midst of a pandemic.  #FuckinSickos

I'm still over here trying to wrap my brain around why access to health care, and health care in general, are not a right as an American Citizen. Years of research have proven that having a higher education leads to better paying jobs, better health insurance, and better health care. There's a strong correlation between socioeconomic status, color of skin, and level of education. It's an area of study called Health Disparities.

So, by that, I think I'm safe to say that being a white woman married to a white man, and we both have Master's Degrees, he has great health insurance and we have this thing called, dare I say, "White Privilege." Stop clutching your pearls. It's not that shocking. And oh for fuck's sake I'll push even harder and say that my white privilege even helped me survive breast cancer. My husband survive his tonsil cancer. And #JesusKnows that having stellar health insurance makes it easier to afford the myriad medications my 13-year-old son has consumed since he was four in order to keep his seizures mostly under control.

But you guys, here's the thing. I recognize that I'm part of a community. And most of the people I choose to associate with recognize that they are a part of a community. So, when I choose to wear a mask in public, I'm choosing to say "I see you and I don't want to get you sick." Because the bottom line is I don't know if I'm shedding Coronavirus. I'm pretty sure I'm not, because there's a low community transmission rate in our county, and my family is on a pretty tight lock-down in that we have not traveled off the Peninsula since before the outbreak. But what about other people? Where have they traveled?

By not wearing a mask, are you're choosing to say "I am incapable of seeing the forest for the trees"? Are you saying that you don't care about the people in your community?

Are there exceptions? Absolutely. And you can read more about them by clicking on this link. 

But right now it is goddamn late and I am tuckered out, you guys. Thanks for reading. And, keep your nose in your mask. #ISeePenises

Love and feathers,
#MaRa

Heading Out

I'll be heading out soon.

To the grocery store. Which also happens to be our pharmacy. My kid has epilepsy and is on a lot of pharmaceutical medications to control his seizures. But he still seizes.

So I'll be heading out soon.

Normally this isn't a big deal in my world. I mean, it's just going to the grocery store, walking up and down each aisle and meal planning as I go. Getting food for several days. Chatting with my favorite employees in different departments. Catching up with my favorite cashiers about life. Friendly faces. Paying. Loading up. Going home. No big deal.

There have, of course, been times in my life where going to the grocery store was a huge undertaking and horribly scary. Like the first time I headed out to the grocery store by myself with a brand new baby. WTF? #Terrifying But I eventually mastered that nonsense.

And then I was crazy enough to take both a toddler and an infant? #WhoDoesThat Did I really do that? How do women with more than two kids do this? You ladies are fuckin amazing batshit crazy brave wow good for you! #ItsNotACompetition

I know I had one of those fancy cart cover seats that I made out of fleece and denim so that I put a physical barrier in between my toddler and the germ-infested cart. Jesus, child! Don't gnaw on the cart handle! Who does that?

When I was going through my Breast Cancer Adventure in 2015, going to the grocery store was scary. Why? Because receiving chemotherapies caused my immune system to be weaker. So, I started wiping off the grocery cart handles. And people would give me these looks like I was freak. But then they would see that I was a bald lady and then they'd quickly avert their eyes. As if making eye contact with a bald woman was going to actually give them cancer. My mental health therapist at the time encouraged me to ask for help from the clerks..."Let the courtesy clerks load your groceries in your car, Rachel! You're being treated for cancer, for goodness sake! It's ok to ask for help." I gave myself permission to accept the help from the clerks. And all three boys unloaded all of the groceries when I got home. The kids were in first and third grade; they were much more eager to help back then.

When my husband was going through is Tonsil Cancer Adventure in 2016, I kept wiping cart handles because Sweet Mother of Christ what if I got some germs on my hands and brought those germs home and he contracted whatever illness was carried on those germs and I killed my husband? Seriously. Having cancer in the house one time caused us to re-frame our thinking for everyfuckinthing. Having cancer in the house a second time two years in a row caused us to up our game even more. When your husband is being kept alive by two catheters...one going to his stomach and the other going to his heart...there is absolutely no fucking around with the tightness of the ship you run.

Now that my kids are older, going to the grocery store become a sort of meditation for me. I really do walk up and down each aisle. I really do know that my friend #MaAm totally makes fun of me for doing so bc she's an in-and-out type of gal. I really do meal plan as I go. And sometimes I end up getting things that aren't on the list...because I remember that I need it when I see it. Like dishwasher detergent. Or parchment paper (thanks JT for that brilliant suggestion!).

But now, because of Coronavirus, going to the grocery store has become a big anxiety-causing deal. On the upside, I don't have to go often. #AndAlso I can feed two birds with one hand since our pharmacy is inside our grocery store. #SafewayForTheWin (Also, see what I did there? Feed two birds with one hand instead of killing them? #ImSoClever #Rhetoric #MmmHmm)

We placed an order for delivery from Costco.com, and everything went really smoothly. I mean, I actually spent less than I normally do. Annnnd I got paper towels and toilet paper...?! Anytime you can get out of Costco, especially without going into Costco, for less than $200...? Win!

When I called the grocery store's pharmacy, I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, who, small town, his son used to work for my husband in the Math Lab. Because of the fact that my son takes so many meds, I'm a frequent flyer at the pharmacy, and it's seriously like Cheers when I step up to the counter: everybody knows my name. Also, I'm very thankful for stellar health insurance...but that's a blog post for another time.

According to the American Cancer Society, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each person is different. It's important that all cancer patients and survivors, whether currently in treatment or not, talk with a doctor who understands their situation and medical history." (para.2)  On the one hand, I just celebrated the fifth anniversary of my lumpectomy, and five years is a huge milestone for cancer survivors, so I'm very thankful to be here. On the other hand, my anxiety is sky high because that's just how it is. Also, the last time I was out in the community was on Saturday March 21st...two and a half weeks...it's been a while.

When I spoke with My Favorite Pharmacist, I reminded him about My Cancer Adventure, and he said that there are special times the store has set aside for folks who may have a compromised immune system: seniors, pregnant women, and others with health issues. He encouraged me to go to the store during that time.

We talked about mailing my son's meds...but we have a PO Box, so that would mean going to the Post Office and risk exposing myself. Because I know that the more places I go, the more exposure to germs I have, the more likely I am to get sick. Or infect my husband, who also happens to have a bicuspid aortic valve and survived staph endocarditis prior to his Tonsil Cancer Adventure. Or I could infect my older son. What's the truth about rationing health care for people living with disabilities? Would the hospital where he was born treat him? How would they manage him? Could I be with him? Because there are stories surfacing that when a person is really sick with Covid-19, they aren't allowed to have visitors. How will that work with my son and his verbal delay and limited cognitive abilities? He's developmentally in the first grade. Would I ever see him again? Or I could infect my younger son, who probably knows more about epilepsy, autism, ADHD, breast cancer, tonsil cancer, and broken arms than most kids who are on the cusp of turning 11. And if I infect him, then he won't go on to earn #AllTheOscars. Or win the Nobel Prize for Whatever. He'll probably petition the Nobel Committee to include Mathematics. Did you know that there is no Nobel Prize for Mathematics? No shit. The Math Prof Rock Star said the legend is that a mathematician ran off with Dr Nobel's wife. But in reality, nobody knows why Nobel chose to not include mathematics. Maybe he just wasn't mathy...?

But he did dig on chemistry.

And that's important to me.

Because my kid needs his meds. To mostly control his seizures.

So I'll be heading out soon.

And, yes, #MaAm, I'll go up and down each aisle. Because who knows when the next time I'll be able to get out.

And we all know dishwasher detergent will be important to have during the next phase of the #Coronapocolypse.

Boss Level of Being an Adult Child

You guys, I think I just arrived at the Boss Level of Being an Adult Child.

For real.

A few weeks ago, my Dad called me and left a voicemail saying he needed my "expertise on some medical issues"...which is a really big fat fuckin' deal in my world.

Who's calling?!

My Dad comes from a very traditional Southern Arizona Mexican Catholic home, which means the parents have the last word, especially the males because machismo is a thing. So asking for help, especially your adult female child...it's a big fat fuckin' deal in his life, too. So, I'm recognizing that it took some courage for him to reach the point of asking me. Alternatively, he's that desperate. But, let's see the good in this situation...since that's how I mostly choose to live...mostly.

Anyway, so my Mom has dementia, but we call it "memory issues" since "dementia" is kinda a bad word for them and forces them to face reality. Whatever word or phrase you'd like to use is up to you. But, just so ya know, it is well documented that people who experience this heartbreaking brain disease also suffer from abnormal sleep. While neuro-specialists don't know why this happens, they do know it happens...and my Mom hasn't been sleeping well at night. She has anxiety when she lays down...and I do to...so I completely understand. I'd reckon that many mothers have anxiety...and here's information about how to help yourself....

But for seniors who are managing dementia, it's different. Watching your spouse decline due to disease...and not being able to leave them alone...I completely understand that...and it really fuckin sucks...but, cancer isn't the same as dementia. When I was supporting my husband as he went through his experience with HPV-caused tonsil cancer in 2016, there were times I was afraid he was going to die. There were times we'd have hard discussions about life and death, and how outcomes look different for individuals and families. There are so many variables with cancer...it depends on the type of cancer, the stage, how early it is detected, if it's spread, if it's operable, if the cancer responds to treatment, how the patient responds to treatment...the first round of chemo nearly killed my husband.

Yet, with memory loss, there's just this sense of her slipping away into this blackness from which she'll never surface. Like, give up hope, watch her decline, nothing we can do except keep her as comfortable as possible. Sorry, Charlie.

And the concept of "giving up" goes against pretty much every fiber of my being. When my older son was four, he was diagnosed with seizure disorder, at age six, he was diagnosed with autism and ADHD (and NO, it's not ok to give him a 20-ounce red fucking Power Ade as a reward #StoryForAnotherTime). Around the age of eight, he was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy called Lennox-Gaustaut Syndrome. And when he was little, each and every time we'd visit his pediatric neurologist at Seattle Children's Hospital, I'd ask his neurologist if, in the research, there are cases of kids outgrowing their seizures. Our doc, who's an incredibly gracious older gentleman, and has a wonderfully dry sense of humor, says things like, "Well, now, you're asking me to tell the future, and my crystal ball is cracked, so it's never accurate," and his eyes crinkle when he smiles at me. There's a chance, since my son has now entered the super-fun stage of Puberty that his seizures will decrease...time will tell.

Since I've never given up hope on my kid, it's counter-intuitive for me to give up on my mom...even though we aren't close geographically or emotionally. My parents are the least tech savvy people on the planet, so videoing is out of the question. I wonder if the family photos we took in November at my brother's wedding will be the last one of the four of us....?

And, yes, all of the above mentioned diseases suck in a big way. It's not that one's worse than the other. But, managing all of them at the same time is an incredible burden, which can feel oppressive on occasion. Like when I sit down and write about them all.

Anyway. So, Mom's not sleeping at night when it's easier for Dad to sleep, because let's face it, he's not nocturnal. Also, for those of us who are the primary caregivers, we need to sleep too, and it's much easier for everyone if everyone just sleeps at night, mkay?

So, my folks went to the doc a few weeks ago and the doc gave her a 'script for 90 days of Ambien. And then the pharmacist could only administer 30 days because it's a controlled substance, and Dad's not particularly happy about that, which I get, but dude, laws are in place because #JesusKnows we do not really need to have anyone misunderstand the directions on the bottle (can she still read?) and really you're only supposed to take Ambien for a short period of time...like 4-5 weeks...unless you have your doc's approval...but #SweetJesus can't ya give her something else?

Yes. Yes you can.

Soooo...it turns out Dad called me to ask me my expertise about giving Mom medical marijuana.

In Southern Arizona.

Holy. Jesus. You. Guys.

Does this really need a caption?

#Winning

#BossLevelOfBeingAnAdultChild

#HoldMyBong

So, lemme stop here and give you a little backstory that my parents were total stoners before Reagan's 1986 White House and the Just Say No anti-drug campaign. It was in 1988 that the Fed started mandating random drug testing for it's own employees and contractors. Dad worked for an international builder of private airplanes that, at the time, had plants in both Tucson, Arizona and Wichita, Kansas. #ThanksJesus for not making us move to Kansas when I was in Jr. High (because that's what it was called back then...I went to Fickett Jr. High. No really. Fickett. #WhatTheFuckKindaNameIsThat #GodBless and really, it's totally ok to laugh at this, #duh).

And, so because Dad built cabinets for these multi-million dollar private airplanes, and the company had contracts with the Federal Government, random drug testing became a reality for my Dad. Thankfully, he didn't want to loose his job due to a positive UA (and I don't mean the University of Arizona), so he and my Mom stopped smoking pot. It was a team effort, you guys. Worth noting: my Dad ended up loosing his job anyway because of Reganomics...or Voodoo Economics.

For the record, the 80's were a time of mixed messages for Gen-Xers: we had the White House telling us to not use drugs via the DARE Program (proven ineffective)...and then we had Nike telling us to Just Do It. It's a wonder my generation survived the 80's in America. #ThankJesus for movies like The Breakfast Club to help us understand ourselves. 

I'm surprised Dad called; Mochi's pretending.

So, like any girl who's dad just called for help, I advised him that, yes, it'll be ok...and no, you won't make her overdose. True overdose like your lips turn blue and you suffocate? No. Administer too much, she gets happy, eats a little too much, and then sleeps her ass off? Yes.

In fairness, my parents were hardcore smokers, and back then, edibles weren't a thing like they are today. In fact, the idea of eating marijuana was considered like "the next level" of using. Or wasteful. I'm not sure which. But, the purists were smokers.

My parents were looking at my mom having a tincture, which is used sparingly. "The key," I said to my dad on the phone, "is to start low and go slow. And absolutely listen to the bud-tender behind the counter at the marijuana dispensary. That person will provide you the most information about the product you're giving her."

We chatted for a few more minutes, he said he'd keep me posted on how it goes. "Dad, it's not going to hurt either of you to take a few hits off a joint. But use caution: the marijuana today is not like the marijuana you were smoking when you were younger. It's stronger. More potent. So you'll only need a puff or two, and you'll get high. In my experience of being a care-giver, there are days that I feel overwhelmed. And while I know those feelings will come and go, I think it's ok to use marijuana as a form of medication for people who need it. It helps with my son's epilepsy and his anxiety. It helped me get through breast cancer. It helped my husband with his tonsil cancer. So, based on the fact that three out of four of my immediate members of my home have used it in different forms, for over 5-1/2 years, I have confidence that it will help Mom sleep. It may be helpful for you to connect with her to smoke a little with her."

"Maybe," he said. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah," I said. "But maybe each of you will relax enough that you can both sleep. I love you, Dad. You're doing the right thing by looking into different options to help her. You're not going to hurt her by putting a few drops of the tincture onto a spoon or into some hot tea. She'll be ok."

He thanked me for sharing my knowledge and supporting him as he pursues this on her behalf. I reminded him that he needs to work within the laws that the State of Arizona has, since the laws in Washington State are going to be different.

And I'm happy to report that now, she's sleeping better at night than she has been in years. #ThankJesus for marijuana, you guys. It's an important plant and has so many different ways of helping people. That said, it's not a panacea and, like any drug, may not work for everyone. And I firmly believe that the Federal Government needs to stop fighting the cultural change that has been occurring in our country around marijuana. They need to be like Elsa and Let it Go.

Monday March 16, 2020

My husband and I made the decision last night, after the blog was posted and we officially unplugged for the day at 9:00 pm, to not send the boys to school on Monday.

And then the school district called at 9:26 pm Sunday evening, notifying parents that because of Governor Inslee's decision to not allow groups of 50 or more...and 50 or less...that was going into effect on Monday. I didn't get the message until I woke up Monday morning...and it looked like the entire State of Washington was starting to shut down.

I headed into town early to make absolutely sure I had alternative medications in my tool kit. If shit is going down, I'll do everything in my power to help my kid not seize. We agreed that it was ok to leave the boys home alone for 15 minutes if need be; something we never do. My husband had to give two exams at 9 am; we passed each other on the road...they were alone for less than 10.

The boys watched a lot of TV today. I streamed BonnieTV...not really, but my dear friend Bonnie owns Little Rhythms Learning Center and she is using Facebook Live to provide lessons for her students...and whoever wants to watch. She's delightful! Thanks, Bonnie, for doing this for all of us. I'll provide live fact-checking on animals whenever I can--haha! Did you guys know that there are actually three species of elephants? Yup. I learned about three elephant species when this dude named Mike Fay did what's called the Megatransect and trekked across the Congo in 1999; he discovered the third species.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

About noon today, the school district superintendent sent a mass email apologizing for the late notice to cancel school, and letting us know they are working to figure out when kids can go to their school and get their stuff. The Super stated this is an unprecedented time, and asked for the our patience. He also encouraged us to use this week as a sort of spring break...and it sounds like there will be some type of instructional support in place for families in the coming days. And I get it. He made a decision to protect students, staff, and faculty...and for this I am thankful. Oh, and the school district is going to be providing meals for free to kids at the schools, in the parking lot.

Really, nobody knows WTAF is going on since all things surrounding Coronavirus are happening so fast. And you can't not hear about it on the radio station from Victoria, BC, and you can't not see it on social media. It is in your face all the time overwhelming and depressing and scary and stressful. And it's ok to feel that way.

But the sun was out today. And it was warm.

So, for our first day of being at home and mostly hunkering down...mostly...I cleaned, because that helps me decompress. And something told me to call the guy who pumps our septic tank...since it's been a while and we're typically home a lot and we'll be home even more...and I'd rather be proactive than reactive...because I sure the fuck don't need to deal with a failed septic system when we end up like Italy on lock-down. Get ready. San Francisco just did it. It could happen. I anticipate it'll start on the I-5 corridor and spread. But, I'm no oracle, you guys. All I'm saying is nobody is immune to this virus, and we all need to practice social distancing, because it's not a snow day.

Annnnyyywaaaayyyy.....

After the septic guy did his thing, and took my money--and it was full, you guys, like, I'm so glad I listened to my intuition--I finally had my husband alone in the house for two minutes so we could catch-up, since the boys were outside. Next thing I know, my 10-year-old comes down the hall and into our bedroom and says, "Nathan was trying to ride his bike down the slide and fell off!" And everything stopped.

I remained calm and walked outside. Oh Fucking CHRIST! THIS is new! I wonder who's idea THIS was! Why TODAY? Of all days when we absolutely do not need to go near a goddamn emergency room! Please don't let anything be broken. And not a hit to his head. When I got to our swing set in the backyard...the one that my kids have been playing on for what will be 10 years this spring...my 13-year-old was sitting up, with his bike helmet off, the bike on the ground, and scratches on the left side of his face, some mulch on his left shoulder and left knee. I think his Crocs fell off...? Or maybe he took them off before he climbed up? Who fuckin knows?

So it scared the shit out of him. And I'm really really REALLY thankful we opted for rubber mulch because he basically bounced. Kinda. I assessed his joints asked him if he hurt anywhere. He said "I'm fine, Maaawwwmmm!" So, he was ok...but he also has an incredibly high pain tolerance, because it's part of his autism and it can be scary sometimes...like that time he fell on his fingers and had two hairline fractures but it didn't bother him till the next morning.

I asked him to tell me what happened and he looked at me like I was some kind of dumb bitch and he says, "I FELL!" And he rolled his eyes! It was fantastic! I have these little glimmers of neurotypical teenage development and sass...and it's really pretty funny!

Anyway, he said he wanted to ride his bike down the slide, so he hauled his bike up the bars, and then put his bike up on the first deck, and then up on the second deck, and then he got on his bike to ride down and he fell and he landed on his stomach and his shoulder and the bike landed on his back. OUCH!

In the older picture on the right, the bars are horizontal, and in the background. So he carried his bike up those, to the lower deck, which is about 5 feet tall...and then to the upper deck, which is about 7 feet tall...and eventually to the slide where Isaac (purple shirt) is standing. And attempted to ride down. On the first day of Coronavirus: Schooling Optional Eventually, Spring 2020. Totally not on my lesson plan, you guys.

Thank Jesus he's had it drilled into his head from the time he was on a trike that he has to wear a helmet. Because the helmet is toast. Like, in a couple of pieces, it's so disturbing I don't want to put up a picture type of broken.

He managed to get up and walk into the house on his own. He agreed to taking a bath, which helps him decompress, and get the nastiness from the mulch off of you. He hasn't complained of pain at all, but he does have some bruises. My concern is for his left shoulder, since he didn't want to move it too much. So, we'll see what tomorrow brings.

I spoke with my 10-year-old regarding what happened. He said that he watched his brother carry the bike up the bars and couldn't believe what he was seeing. He said he called for us but we never came outside. I suggested that next time he run to the house, yelling for us, and that we'd likely hear him.

I introduced the words "dumbstruck" and "stupefied"...yay new spelling words! Unschooling ROCKS! Oh, and by the way, I homeschooled a special needs kid when I had my Breast Cancer Adventure five years ago...and if I can do it, YOU can do it, you guys. And finally, I'm looking forward to celebrating the fifth anniversary of my lumpectomy on Friday! But I'm disappointed that tattoo parlors are closed down...I was planning on getting a little something to commemorate the occasion...but since Coronavirus is still lurking out there...what will tomorrow bring? Really, at the end of the day, I just don't want you to be Mochi about what's happening. Because it is serious business. And always wear a bike helmet when you ride down a slide.

Mochi

Mochi is a stuffed cat that was given to my older son by My Little Brother and then Future Sister-In-Law when they came to visit us in November of 2018.

To get it out of the way, his name is pronounced mow-chee.

According to Wikipedia, Mochi is actually "a Japanese rice cake made of mochigome, a short-grain japonica glutinous rice, and sometimes other ingredients like water, sugar, and cornstarch. The rice is pounded into paste and molded into the desired shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki."

Even on a hot summer day, Mochi gives zero shits about his namesake

There is also Mochi ice cream, which I purchased...and it wasn't for me. The boys will eat anything labeled "ice cream" but I'm not convinced they liked it. It was as if they had this weird obligation that they wanted to like it because it's a ball of ice cream. I mean, what could go wrong? But the ball of ice cream is covered in this very chewy, and incredibly bland tasting dough, that's then rolled in powdered sugar. No, really, it's not very good, even with the powdered sugar. Maybe it was the ice cream flavor...cookies and cream...? Maybe I should try the strawberry flavored...? Maybe I should save my money, because Mochi ice cream is expensive, even on sale, and even with my Safeway Club Card and putting points on my card for gas. Right? But I did score some significant Parenting Points when I brought home the Mochi ice cream. Because at the end of the day, it's ice cream! But, really, from my adult perspective, it was pretty nasty. And, since it's still in the freezer...I'm betting the boys weren't down with it either.  

My 13-year-old son's stuffy named Mochi plays a small role as the family pet in the movie Big Hero Six. If you haven't seen Big Hero Six, it's on Disney+, and it's worth checking out. As is the new show The World According to Jeff Goldblum.

Anyway, Mochi is a calico cat, and typically, only female cats are calico. However, according this dude I've never heard of, also known as "America's Vet," Dr. Marty Becker...a study out of the College of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Missouri, male calicoes do exist, but are very rare: only 1 in 3,000. When a male calico cat is born, it is due to a genetic abnormality. As part of his genetic abnormality, Mochi is sterile...which is incredibly fortuitous, because #JesusKnows we don't need any more cats running around. And, as a fan of abnormalities, we here at the Anderson Family Circus know how appropriate it is for Mochi to be a part of our family. #WeirdosUnite

#AndAlso my husband is legit allergic to cats. He's been tested. He's actually allergic to everything except dogs, horses, and the American cockroach. For real. Subsequently, our pet choices are rather limited.

While I have not been tested for allergies, I have absolutely zero fucking desire to have kitty paws with toxoplasmosis all over everything. And even if kitty doesn't have toxoplasmosis, it can be said that I have a strong aversion to having to cat buttholes being all over my counters where I prepare food. Fuck that noise. So, stuffed cats are great! #NoCatButtholes And, no, we don't need the #CatButt adult coloring book, you guys. #TheInternetHasEverything

Like most cats, Mochi only shows affection to one person, which is my older son, who is incredibly proud of his Cat Dad status. Other than that, Mochi gives zero shits about anyone or anything. Because he's a cat. Unless you have food. But, since Mochi is a stuffy, he's not really into food. However, he has ended up in our family dog's water dish. While neither of my boys confessed to anything, the game "Pounce, Mochi!" has come to an abrupt stop. Perhaps not shockingly, Mochi gave zero shits that he was in Abby's dish. 

Because my son is autistic, as well as developmentally delayed, imaginative play has always been challenging for him. As a bit of a comfort for me, this phenomenon is well-documented in the research. The reasoning? People with autism spectrum disorder have a different brain; they are neurodiverse. It's not that my 13-year-old son is incapable...he will absolutely engage in pretend play with his younger brother...but my 10-year-old son typically creates the game. And because they both carry the #YChromosome typically their pretend play involves some type of weaponry and beating the shit out of each other. They are absolutely forbidden from Hapkidoing each other. #WhatWouldMrsVenturaSay 

Pink Kitty is totally kicking Puddles' ass, while Mochi gives zero shits

Since Mochi has become a member of our family, I seriously just wrote that, my son's goal is to live independently and have a cat. While we do not know exactly what "living independently" looks like for him, we've talked about the idea of him living in a tiny house or a small mobile home on our property. Regardless, he'll need a bathtub so that he can have his almost daily Beatles Bubble Bath Break.

Pink Kitty and her re-re-re-repaired tail

My son brings all three of his stuffed cats into the bathroom with him when he takes his bath. They sit on the shelves. He received Puddles from My Little Brother and Future Sister-In-Law when they came up in July 2019. And Pink Kitty is an old lady...she's been around since my son was an infant...some cats live a long time, and she absolutely has 9 lives since she's been thrown in the washing machine numerous times in her life. Pink Kitty is very loved. My son is an avid chewer...her tail has been mangled and repaired a lot. I try to keep her tail looking it's best. Thankfully, my son has moved on to chewing a bite saber (no shit, click the link) and gum. He's a dedicated rule follower with the gum; it's written into his IEP at school that he be permitted to chew it as long as he disposes of it properly in the trash. And he does. Every. Single. Time.

Before he leaves for school each morning, my 13-year-old son who is developmentally six, sets all three cats up on the windowsill, where they wait for him until he gets home. They are an incredibly dedicated group of souls. Cats are my son's spirit animal.

Puddles, Pink Kitty, and Mochi watching their Cat Dad, in the yellow coat.

He set them on the windowsill when he and his brother played out in the snow for several hours. And even though he cuddles them around the neck, and we talk about the fact that you can't carry a real-life cat that way, and that real-life cats will cut you with their sharp little kitty claws if you attempt such nonsense, my son thinks it's hysterical, and in typical teenage fashion says, "I know, Mom!"

My husband and I have honestly entertained the idea of getting a cat. So I started talking with our son about the fact that a real-life cat is gonna poop in the litter box and that the litter box is gonna need to be cleaned every day because poop stinks. He said he'd clean the litter box. I am cautiously optimistic that this is perhaps something he'll be willing to do...but ultimately, it will fall to me, because I'm the mom. And it's a goddamn chore to get out to the yard once every few weeks and pick up dog shit, so I have zero desire to clean a litter box.

I know several people will disagree with me when I say that having an indoor-outdoor kitty is also known as "prey" in my neck of the woods. However, I cannot take the risk for being responsible for saying, "Here's this kitty for you as a long-term, loving companion" and then turn around and say "Oh sonovabitch! Well, I suppose that's the circle of life. Maybe we should watch The Lion King again...?

So for now, we're sticking with Mochi. He's filling my son's bucket for the time being. Even though he's kind of an asshole sometimes and he clearly gives zero shits about anything because he's a cat, this stuffed animal has truly been a wonderful gift for my son. Thanks Little Brother and Favorite Sister-in-Law. You guys have outdone yourselves.

Seriously, Mochi. I'm tryin' to work, here!