Birthday Eve

Today is your Birthday Eve. 

Tomorrow you will be fourteen. 

It's kinda terrific. But kinda terrifying.  

Terrific because you have accomplished much in your number of years on our planet, even exceeding the experts expectations. 

Terrifying because of what is happening in the world.

Why is there so much smoke in our sky again? Why are these major fires happening? The Earth is screaming. Do you hear her? And why did he even suggest that California rake their forests? Right. Because he's clueless. Climate change is real. Please stop ignoring science. 

Terrific because you are working on listening comprehension. And, the other day, you figured out the talk to type feature on the computer! Your entire face lit up because you were so impressed with yourself! And that is the best feeling: seeing you happy.

Terrifying because perhaps that's why Coronavirus is here: Mother Earth is thinning us out. She doesn't necessarily need us as a species to survive herself. Some mothers eat their young. I know there are days I wish I certainly had. #MissedOpportunity #OhWell

Terrific because you know how to swallow all of your meds at once. That's Boss Level stuff, dude. Like all 7 pills down the hatch?! Amazing! I'm looking forward to that new super fancy-pants AM/PM, color-coded pill organizer arriving. We will absolutely work together to make sure you know how to correctly read your prescription bottles, and how to arrange your medications. I have confidence in you, son.

Terrifying because you have so many meds to take. I know what they do to your brain activity. But what do they do to your liver and kidneys? And your digestive system? 

Terrific because since you've been home in March, I've seen fewer seizures. You've slept better. Longer. More soundly. We've maintained your sleep schedule because our life is ruled by medications. Yes my children are still in their rooms between 7:30 and 7:45 pm. No. Really. #ParentalMentalHealth #YesWeGetBraggingRightsOnThis #TeamAnderson

Terrifying because he knew, and he chose to not act. There is so much blood on his hands. America's blood. What type of future does that leave for you, my child? Not to mention the racial unrest occurring. #BlackLivesMatter Terrifying because what happens if you are the next Linden Cameron? (God, forbid; knock on wood; please all the Deities in the Universe, protect my children. Amen.)

Terrific because you wanted to bake cupcakes today, and you did most of the work. I mean, it was a mix because while I do bake a mean cookie, baking cakes from scratch is not my area of expertise. So thanks for being flexible and doing cupcakes. Yeah, it's kinda a bummer that we didn't get the 24 that Betty Crocker said we would, but you did a fantastic job pouring the batter into the cupcakes mostly by yourself...mostly.

Terrific because, on this Birthday Eve, you chose to not eat any cupcakes today. This shows you have self-control and are maturing. And that is wonderful! Yes, we can put the frosting on tomorrow. I think it's fabulous that you call the dude on the can the Pillsbury Dough Brother. What else are you going to put on your cupcake? We have marshmallows. Yes, two sizes because that's important. And we have gummy bears. And I'm sure we have a fresh strawberry from the garden! Of course not. Why ruin it?

May you find happiness and joy. May you be healthy and happy. May you continue to listen to music and love cats.  

Happy Birthday Eve!

All my love always, 

Mom

xoxo

School is Coming

It's looming.

Whether we all want to deal with it or not.

School is coming.

No matter the choice we make with and/or for our children and family members, it's the right one. There is no right or wrong.

There's no judgment here. You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

We've made our decision, as a family, based upon our family's health history and dynamic, as well as both parents professions. My family will be doing online learning. Yes, because both parents are online educators. But also because the start of the school year always brings home the myriad illnesses, and what could be a sniffle in my 11-yr-old could be a life-altering, or perhaps -ending, disease in my almost 14-year-old, me, or my husband. #AndAlso bc that's what we as a family collectively decided. Oh, and #Science and #Data also play a big part in our decision making, too.

So, the institution for which my husband and I are employed decided during the spring quarter that we would be online for fall. Except for specific programs and labs, for which there will be social/physical distancing requirements, including masks covering the nose and mouth. Please contact your advisor for further information. Also, we are, as an institution, still open and operating during the summer, and many of us are even prepping for the fall quarter...

...and here y'all thought we did nothing but sit around gettin some type of cancer or a broken arm every summer! Nope, we're working! #TeamAnderson

But, anyway. Distance learning...my husband and I chose to have a discussion with our sons about what our employer had planned...and what we anticipated public school to look like for them upon their return in the fall. We talked about masks covering their nose and mouth, the physical distancing, we didn't know what PE or recess or assemblies would look like...but to not even worry about those pieces yet. This was one of many conversations with my children throughout the spring...and ultimately, my community was waiting for our local school district to make decisions about how to best offer learning opportunities for the community given the pandemic...and we weren't gonna know anything until at least the end of June or early July.

When the opportunities were presented, we provided the information to our children.

We talked about the ABAB face-to-face model as a learning opportunity, where they'd go to school on a staggered style: Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday, with Wednesday being an online learning day...or maybe a massive cleaning day. Both? And my kids were a firm no on that. Because, as my 11-year-old son pointed out, why bother going for two days and risk getting anything, let alone COVID? #HesASmartCookie

While my husband and I made the decision back in the spring regarding what to do with our children's education in the fall, we wanted to give our kids the information and give them the opportunity to think about the options, and come to conclusions on their own. #Democracy

Yet, we also wanted to gently guide them and encourage them to not go to school because #Parenting

 

We kept close eyes on what universities and colleges across America decided regarding the fall term. When the entire University of California System said no face-to-face learning for the fall...as educators, we knew those universities made the right decisions for their communities.

We also looked at the data trends within Clallam County. On the one hand, it's kinda cool that we can start to see trends in the data and now have enough cases that we can get a break-down by age and regional distribution of COVID-19. On the other hand, this means we're seeing an increase in cases in our county, and we all need to recognize that we are all living here together and to please do our best to follow the rules and wear masks. Please. And thank you.

The local county health department data show, at the time of this writing, that the highest numbers of cases were in the following age ranges: 20 cases of 10-19 year olds; and approximately 17 cases in the 50 year olds. And that's my family of fellas. Except me: I'm in my late 40's and there's only like six cases...so my age group is low because we're all dealing with oppressive midlife crises and are masking up. Oh, and of course the kids in their 20's also have about 18 cases, according to local data...but everyone knows you're invincible in your 20's...right? #sarcasm 

 

But, the point is, you don't want to be on the bar graph. You with me? For real.

So, am I sending my children into the Petri dish that is school? #FuckNo

You are? Fantastic. Good for you. Totally support you. Totally. Because I have absolutely no idea what your life is like, and I'm absolutely not judging you. I have confidence that you had numerous discussions with your children and family members and that you making the best decision with and for your children and family.

Because we can't NOT talk about COVID. It has consumed our culture. My kids incorporate it into their play. I tell my nearly 14-year-old son, the one who is developmentally delayed...yeah, I say, "Wash your hands and make big bubbles. You need to get rid of all the COVID." For real. I wish I didn't have to say things like that to my son; but I get to. #ISurvivedBreastCancerForThis

I also wish our country, our economy, and our culture did not make it so parents are actively having to choose between being employed and caring for children. I hope someday that people are not forced to choose between caregiving and employment.

I recognize that my level of education, the color of my skin, my gender and my chosen profession award me certain benefits and that I am very fortunate to be employed and that my family has health insurance. Because my family is expensive.

Why? My family has been hit by lightning too many times. I've bloodied my knuckles climbing out of pediatric neurological disorders, as well as mine and my husbands cancers, and the unimaginably seriously fucking oppressive stress that naturally accompanies those life-threatening health issues.

So, sending my kids to the school during a pandemic? Even though the numbers in my county are still, kinda...currently...low? No. I'm just not into borrowing trouble.

My older son, needs 1:1 support throughout much of his day...and so how's that gonna work with physical distancing? Not to mention the stress of having to keep a mask on all day. And see classmates and teachers in masks? Ummm...#Anxiety much? He's got a formal diagnosis of anxiety, so how in the fuck do you work all of that mask-wearing, hand-washing, physical distancing in to an Individualized Education Plan?

I have zero desire to deal with that. And, thankfully, neither does my kiddo with special health needs. #HesASmartCookie

Oh, and have I mentioned he's o

All the pharms
(top, AM doses; bottom PM doses)

n a shit ton of medication to help control his seizures? The upside of him being home since mid-March is he's now having fewer seizures because he's not plugged into a computer all fuckin day like he was at school, thank you very much. I mean, if he's gonna be plugged in all day, he can do that shit at home, bitch. #ForReal #YouGuys

 And this kid always, always, gets hit the hardest and the longest during cold and flu season...his body works really really hard to process all the hundreds of milligrams of anti-seizure meds.

#AndAlso the price of said anti-seizure meds: $850 a month.

 

#ThankYouUniverseForHealthInsurance

Honestly, the kid's as happy as a clam sitting in his room making playlists on his Alexa Dot, playing with his Rubik's cube. Hanging with Mochi.

Mochi's favorite mask. For real. He's a fan.

He's having an ok summer. He is glad to get out of the house and go to Hapkido twice a week. He and I are training partners, and we're having a lot of fun throwing each other around and learning how to correctly break each other in half! 

But 11...he's a little more tricky...like many of the neurotypcial younger siblings that I know, my second son is much more social than my first. He misses his best friend, as well as his Hapkido training partner, both of which are wonderful and amazing young ladies. It's his fabulous man hair. He gets that from me, you guys. Because he certainly doesn't get it from his father. #Bald

 

And it's not that my kids don't want to go to school. They do. They miss their friends and the trusted adults they work with. My kids miss sports. My kids miss life as they knew it and absolutely long for a sense of normalcy in all of this craziness.

While I understand that there's a longing in people to "get back to normal"...in my mind, there is no "going back".... Really, we can only keep moving forward.

When I had my first needle biopsy done on my breast, before we knew I had cancer, I remember that the female tech that was assisting the physician told me that the first needle biopsy was always the scariest because it's a brand new invasive test. And then she said that she was a stage 4 breast cancer survivor, she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction (didn't plastics do a fine job? she was quite pleased) and that her cancer experience caused her to learn to live differently for a while...and she learned to live in a new normal.

My 11 yr old and his new Star Wars mask

That woman and her words have stayed with me for five years. And I think that's what we all need to do is learn to live differently for a while.

But to define "a while"...I have to look to the last pandemic which was the 1918 Spanish Flu. And that motherfucker raged our planet for two full years. And ya know how they got rid of it? Masks! For real! And, by the way, masks were political 102 years ago. There was even an Anti-Mask League based in San Francisco.

 

During the Spanish Flu pandemic, schools in major cities remained open, at risk to students and teachers. And, of course, the families supporting the kids and the adults. But back then, "Some cities, such as Boston and New York City, established school corps, comprised of medical inspectors who made daily rounds through the public schools to determine the health status of individual children and entire classrooms."

 

Wait! What? They had physicians in public schools who had eyes on kids every day. Can you imagine if we had that now? Even before COVID? 

 

But, back in 1918, many American families didn't have flushing toilets and hot running water from a tap in their homes. And bathrooms in NYC? #forgitaboudit Bathrooms were communal. You, me, my family, you family, and probably all the families on the entire floor of our highrise apt are sharing that limited space. #germs Oh, and someone would have to be responsible for running the chamber pot downstaris to the Night Soil Removers. #forreal

Or, you could just take a dump in the outhouse on the corner. Your choice. 

Thankfully, many people in Western cultures now get to poop in a toilet in their own bathroom and wash their hands with hot water from the tap. But, not everyone in the world is as lucky as us. And if you wanna learn more, please feel free to check out this TED Talk called Let's Talk Crap. Seriously. It's brilliant. 

But, let's get back to school. Because school is coming.

 

And so, if it means you're choosing to not send your kids to school, and do whatever type of learning works best for you and your family...? That is fantastic. 

And if you are sending your kids to school...? That is equally fantastic.

 

But, I have the some questions. And, no, I'm not starting a fight. These are legit questions I have, and I'm curious to know if other people are thinking about this, too...?

What about immunocompromised elders? And I'm not talking grandparents. Parents are elders too. What about parents?

What about immunocomopromised children who are at school? How will those kiddos stay safe? 

Why did the GOP cancel their national convention in Florida? Why did the individual currently occupying the Oval Office say "I looked at my team and I said the timing for this event is not right. It's just not right with what's been happening." Translation: my handlers said I can't have a pep rally for me bc COVID. #Hypocrisy

But the GOP wants to send your kids & teachers to school? So, in my mind, they are saying "we're more important than you, so we're canceling our biggest in-person event of the entire year, but you peasants can just go to school." Why are people accepting this bullshit? Because that's exactly what the fuck it is: BULLSHIT.

What about the pictures of reopened schools that are making their way across the internet? You know the ones...where kids are seen crowded together in hallways and classrooms and maskless? And what about that little second grader down in Georgia who tested positive for COVID on the first day of school? FIRST DAY! Sweet Baby Jesus! How many people did that little dude expose? 

 

Or what about an entire fourth grade class in North Carolina, who are now quarantining? Worth noting: the individual currently occupying Number One Observatory Circle, who is commonly known as Pence...as well as Secretary of Education DoucheVos personally visited this chain of private schools and chose to not wear masks. So, lemme get this straight: they visited a private school, told the folks at the school how important it is that they are opening, but refused to wear masks so they didn't protect anyone? Um...way to model that example there, federal administrators.

How do you feel about the fact that some teachers are preparing wills as they get ready to go back to school? I mean, it's absoultely a great idea that if we are adults that we have a will in place. Especially if we have children. Because, if something unexpected and potentially catastrophic were to happen to you and or your children's other parent...speaking from experience...it's a damn good idea to have one. But as part of prep for the school year...?

If you send your child to school, who is responsible for providing the mask your child is going to wear?

And, did you know that the recommendation from Johns Hopkins Medicine is to wear the mask once? ONE TIME! And then you gotta wash it! So, basically, you gotta treat your mask like it's shitty underwear. Parents, are you hearing me? And, no, you don't get to turn your mask inside out and wear it a second time. Masks are a one shot deal, if you will. #shotmywad So, do you have enough masks, and enough laundry detergent, to keep up? And do you have the time and energy to wash your children's masks each day? #BossLevelBitchChores

 

Finally, how in the goddamn are teachers supposed to keep kids physically distant during an active shooter drill? Or an actual active shooter? I know. They'll all hide like they're supposed to. But, still. This is a real-life situation that students, teachers, and administrators are gonna need to deal with.

 

I get it. This is a really big fuckin deal. Nobody likes change. 

 

I get that schools are responsible for so much more than "just" educating our kids. Health care, nutrition, child care, making sure they are safe and loved while they are at school which is basically mental health care. So, if schools are that important, why is the fed cutting funds and cutting funds and cutting funds and expecting teachers to do more and more and more with less and less and less? And, by the way, the individual currently occupying the Oval Office can't just cut funding to schools. Motherfucker's mouth runs faster than his atrophying brain.

 

But every time Governor Inslee makes an announcement people "can't even with him" and they "need to take a social media break." I get that people don't like the fact that the man is the bearer of news they don't want to hear. But really, if you don't like the fact that Governor Inslee is relying on scientific data to make decisions about your health, there are several states that don't rely on data and I'm sure they'd be happy to receive you. Please feel free to look into Arizona, Texas, and/or Florida, where the governors of those states are totally fuckin Mochi about the health of their constituents.

 

Is Inslee doing the right thing by saying that schools can reopen based upon the county's caseload. Today, that's the right decision.

 

Do I anticipate that it will change? Absolutely. 

 

I think it's a good idea to cancel sports? As much as it sucks, yes. Please note, both of my children are athletes. 13 is a gold medalist in Special Olympics Basketball. And he has kicked some major ass in SO Bowling. And 11 is Messi (aren't they all?). And yes, they absolutely miss their sports. And yes, my husband and I absolutely miss watching them play.

And, as much as Inslee is the one saying what he is, he's getting recommendations from the Washington State Deparement of Health as well as the Washington Office of Public Instruction. 

 

I don't think he wants to be the bearer of this news. But it's his job. And I anticipate his job is gonna get a little tougher as we get closer to the school year starting in September. And then into the fall and even into the winter. Becasue, no matter how badly we want it to go away, COVID is gonna be here. 

 

And I think we all need to be prepared that even if everyone does go back to school, there's a good chance we'll have a second wave...pay attention the history of diseases. The Spanish Flu of 1918...? Three waves and 50 million deaths worldwide. So look alive, please! #payattention

 

Vaccine? Too soon. The quickest turn around for any vaccination to be successfully created and properly tested was four years, and it was for the mumps. In 1963, a child named Jeryl Lynn was sick with the mumps. Fortunately for her, her dad was a microbiologist named Maurice Hilleman...and as luck would have it, he specialized in vaccinology (no really, it's a thing). So, basically, he used his daughter's mumps and created the vaccine, and then it was tested in rats and then in people and then in 1967, the vaccine was licensed and mass produced and that's why mumps is no longer a childhood illness. You're welcome. And, worth noting, Hilleman is responsible for creating a whole bunch of vaccines and keeping us healthy. Check out the link I provided on his name. And thank you, Dr Hilleman. I sincerely wish you were with us today to help with the current pandemic.

 

So, anyway, my point, wrapping all of this up because it's #bongthirty or #wineoclock somewhere, is that we all get to learn to live differently for a while. 

 

And if that means you are choosing to send your kids to school because of your reasons, that is totally fantastic. Good luck.

 

And, if you're choosing to do homeschool, or virtual school, or even take a year off of providing a "formal" education for your kids, that is equally fantastic. Unschooling is cool.

The bottom line is we're all making what we feel are the best decisions for our family. And we need to support one another in those decisions.

 

You do you. I'm doing me. And good luck and good health to both of us.

And thanks for reading. x

Headed Out

So...it's been awhile...

And somehow saying, "Greetings and salutations!" doesn't seem quite right.

How's the Stay Home Order treating you and yours? Who's on you're #quaranteam?

I mean, at least we don't have 36 goddamn inches of snow on the ground...which...depending on if you're a Stephen King fan or a Twilight Zone fan...has the potential for a little fun...Yeah....

Anyway, so my family is managing, like any family, to the best of it's current ability amid the Coronavius Pandemic. Many families are in survival mode. And survival mode sucks. Speaking from experience as a mom of a 13-year-old boy who is living with a rare form of epilepsy, and has been seizing since he was 3...I get it. Survival mode completely fucking sucks. Oh, and cancer in each parent in two years was also survival mode. Subsequently, this survival mode is just how my home functions on the daily because epilepsy, autism, and surviving cancers is, thankfully, how we roll here at The Anderson Family Circus.

At first, my husband and I largely took turns leaving our home during the Stay Home order. Since I'm the Purchasing Department and the Creative Culinary Force/Primary Food Source, I'd make a trip to Safeway...which is a blog in and of itself. My husband, in order to escape the Monkey House, would make the trip all the way into town to go to the Post Office. Which, in our world, is a guarantee of 40 minutes alone time, round trip. We discussed logistics of our new to us as a family version of survival mode, and agreed to use InstaCart for our Costco Purchases.

Anyway, so collectively, the four of us have not left our home together as a family since Wednesday March 18th. The weekend before, everything had come to a screeching halt, and our school district was emailing parents each day with the rapidly changing shit show in the earliest days of the Coronavirus Pandemic. Wednesday was the first day students were permitted to retrieve their

belongings, and, in this instance, better an hour early than a minute late. Get in, get out, get on with life. #LifeNeverGoesAsPlanned #StoryForAnotherTime But I will say that not everyone was able to pick up his belongings. Some people are amazing and get kids and understand how community works. Other people don't.

Annnnnyyyyyyyyway...third Saturday in May was our first venture out, as a family, in two solid months. And, yes, we wore our masks. Because it's all the rage. And alllllll the cool kids are doing it. #AndAlso the CDC says. In my house, tend to subscribe to the fascinating belief system called science!






Science is really cool.

You guys, I really captured our essences with watermelon, cats, Spirograph, and Star Wars fabrics. #Obvs

So aside from the fact that the CDC recommends them and I totally #NailedIt with these fabulous fabrics, and we look like a goddamn bunch of badasses, why am I wearing a mask? Because of my Cancer Adventure in 2015. My husband is choosing to wear a mask because of his own Cancer Situation (can we call it that? Cancer Situation? Can we finally name it?) in 2016. #AndAlso the American Cancer Society, who is responsible for a lot of sciencey stuff, says, "Most people who were treated for cancer in the past (especially if it was years ago) are likely to have normal immune function, but each person is different."

My family is different. We've been struck by lightening. Several times, actually. So I prefer to not call down the thunder. The Fates.

Because the stories of kids contracting Coronavirus...and a parent not being able to go in. What? You mean if one of my children contracts COVID-19 and is hospitalized, my husband and/or I would not be permitted to be with him? I can't even wrap my brain around that. What if it's my child who is disabled and what about his meds and how will he take them and can I get his CBD oil in him and how will he understand what you're doing to him and WAIT! 

So now up here in Washington State, and specifically in my little community, where you can get dirty looks at the Post Office for wearing a mask while walking towards your hybrid...maybe she just had RBF...but the sticker on her rig told me otherwise...we're getting ready to go into Phase 2. On Monday, June 1st. So, like tomorrow. And as a cancer survivor who was a cancer care giver and we have a kiddo with myriad neurological disabilities, reopening is fucking terrifying. My former home state of Arizona recently reopened and apparently Mill Ave was hopping like there wasn't a respiratory virus running around. WTF Tempe? Get your shit together. #FuckinMaricopaCounty #ScumDevils

Will communities that reopen see an increase in cases? Absolutely. The good thing about living up here on the North Olympic Peninsula, we have been lucky to have (a) a very low number of cases, and (b) no community transmission. Basically, everyone who's been diagnosed with Coronavirus in Clalllam County contracted the disease when they traveled outside of the county. So they got up and bounced over to Seattle...and then they got the 'rona, and then they brought it home. Does this concern me? Absolutely. I get it: sometimes we need to travel. But right now, we all need to figure out what's an essential trip and what's not. We need to make health decisions not only for ourselves, but for our community. And by wearing a mask, I'm saying: "I see you. I recognize that I do not know if I've been exposed to Coronavirus. But I do not want to risk your health."

It's kinda like saying, "Hey, I'm really sexually active and I need to use a condom, not because I am worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's still have sex. But be safe about it."

In this example, we're saying we like to have sex. Right? Totally on board with that. But can you imagine if HIV was transmitted as easily as Coronavirus? "Hey, I'm really into breathing and being alive and I need to wear a mask, not because I'm worried you're going to give me something, I'm more concerned I'm going to give you something, and that would really suck. So let's breathe the same air. But be safe about it."

So, as a woman who's family has been the beneficiary of an incredible and selfless team of people who have picked up the shattered pieces of me, I wear my mask for you. I wear my mask for the kids who are dealing with all the health issues, and who absorb so many fuckin needle sticks and electrodes and tests and surgeries that an adult would cave. Those kids are already used to people wearing masks and gloves. Reading people's eyes. Knowing kindness. Or malice. Based solely upon the person's eyes.


And what is that going to look like for all of the people who were out protesting yesterday? Will there be an increase in the number of Coronavirus cases across the country? Absolutely. And how do you feel, knowing that the United States of America is leading the pack with the number of deaths caused by this disease? Is it a badge of honor for you? Have we, culturally, really become that desensitized to death?

Maybe the protesters aren't "just" protesting the systemic racial injustice that they have experienced for hundreds of years in a country they were forcibly brought to. Maybe there was a little bit of angst about the fact that blacks are dying at significantly higher rates from like, every goddamn disease, including Coronavirus?

So, when we re-open tomorrow, will much change for us as a community? No. However, our summertime tourist season is fixing to start and while we are all relying on that influx of money, it may or may not come immediately...but it will come, and with it will come an increase of cases. When we look at pandemics over time, let's say the Spanish Flu, which is also called the 1918 Flu, and, curiously, started on an Army Base in...wait for it...Kansas! It's called Spanish Flu because Spain wasn't involved in WWI and their press was free to report about this emerging illness, the US, France, Germany, and others, all perceived that the Spanish "started" the flu. Anyway a hundred years later, estimates of 20 million to an 50 million people died during the 1918/Spanish Flu Pandemic. That's a lot of goddamn people you guys...

So second wave...it's coming. For all of us. When? I don't know, you guys...because, again, I'm not an oracle. I'm just a mom that's gotta get dinner going for her kids, ya know?

Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there. And most importantly, please be kind. You can never tell what a person is dealing with, just based on the eyes above their face mask.

Mochi

Mochi is a stuffed cat that was given to my older son by My Little Brother and then Future Sister-In-Law when they came to visit us in November of 2018.

To get it out of the way, his name is pronounced mow-chee.

According to Wikipedia, Mochi is actually "a Japanese rice cake made of mochigome, a short-grain japonica glutinous rice, and sometimes other ingredients like water, sugar, and cornstarch. The rice is pounded into paste and molded into the desired shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki."

Even on a hot summer day, Mochi gives zero shits about his namesake

There is also Mochi ice cream, which I purchased...and it wasn't for me. The boys will eat anything labeled "ice cream" but I'm not convinced they liked it. It was as if they had this weird obligation that they wanted to like it because it's a ball of ice cream. I mean, what could go wrong? But the ball of ice cream is covered in this very chewy, and incredibly bland tasting dough, that's then rolled in powdered sugar. No, really, it's not very good, even with the powdered sugar. Maybe it was the ice cream flavor...cookies and cream...? Maybe I should try the strawberry flavored...? Maybe I should save my money, because Mochi ice cream is expensive, even on sale, and even with my Safeway Club Card and putting points on my card for gas. Right? But I did score some significant Parenting Points when I brought home the Mochi ice cream. Because at the end of the day, it's ice cream! But, really, from my adult perspective, it was pretty nasty. And, since it's still in the freezer...I'm betting the boys weren't down with it either.  

My 13-year-old son's stuffy named Mochi plays a small role as the family pet in the movie Big Hero Six. If you haven't seen Big Hero Six, it's on Disney+, and it's worth checking out. As is the new show The World According to Jeff Goldblum.

Anyway, Mochi is a calico cat, and typically, only female cats are calico. However, according this dude I've never heard of, also known as "America's Vet," Dr. Marty Becker...a study out of the College of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Missouri, male calicoes do exist, but are very rare: only 1 in 3,000. When a male calico cat is born, it is due to a genetic abnormality. As part of his genetic abnormality, Mochi is sterile...which is incredibly fortuitous, because #JesusKnows we don't need any more cats running around. And, as a fan of abnormalities, we here at the Anderson Family Circus know how appropriate it is for Mochi to be a part of our family. #WeirdosUnite

#AndAlso my husband is legit allergic to cats. He's been tested. He's actually allergic to everything except dogs, horses, and the American cockroach. For real. Subsequently, our pet choices are rather limited.

While I have not been tested for allergies, I have absolutely zero fucking desire to have kitty paws with toxoplasmosis all over everything. And even if kitty doesn't have toxoplasmosis, it can be said that I have a strong aversion to having to cat buttholes being all over my counters where I prepare food. Fuck that noise. So, stuffed cats are great! #NoCatButtholes And, no, we don't need the #CatButt adult coloring book, you guys. #TheInternetHasEverything

Like most cats, Mochi only shows affection to one person, which is my older son, who is incredibly proud of his Cat Dad status. Other than that, Mochi gives zero shits about anyone or anything. Because he's a cat. Unless you have food. But, since Mochi is a stuffy, he's not really into food. However, he has ended up in our family dog's water dish. While neither of my boys confessed to anything, the game "Pounce, Mochi!" has come to an abrupt stop. Perhaps not shockingly, Mochi gave zero shits that he was in Abby's dish. 

Because my son is autistic, as well as developmentally delayed, imaginative play has always been challenging for him. As a bit of a comfort for me, this phenomenon is well-documented in the research. The reasoning? People with autism spectrum disorder have a different brain; they are neurodiverse. It's not that my 13-year-old son is incapable...he will absolutely engage in pretend play with his younger brother...but my 10-year-old son typically creates the game. And because they both carry the #YChromosome typically their pretend play involves some type of weaponry and beating the shit out of each other. They are absolutely forbidden from Hapkidoing each other. #WhatWouldMrsVenturaSay 

Pink Kitty is totally kicking Puddles' ass, while Mochi gives zero shits

Since Mochi has become a member of our family, I seriously just wrote that, my son's goal is to live independently and have a cat. While we do not know exactly what "living independently" looks like for him, we've talked about the idea of him living in a tiny house or a small mobile home on our property. Regardless, he'll need a bathtub so that he can have his almost daily Beatles Bubble Bath Break.

Pink Kitty and her re-re-re-repaired tail

My son brings all three of his stuffed cats into the bathroom with him when he takes his bath. They sit on the shelves. He received Puddles from My Little Brother and Future Sister-In-Law when they came up in July 2019. And Pink Kitty is an old lady...she's been around since my son was an infant...some cats live a long time, and she absolutely has 9 lives since she's been thrown in the washing machine numerous times in her life. Pink Kitty is very loved. My son is an avid chewer...her tail has been mangled and repaired a lot. I try to keep her tail looking it's best. Thankfully, my son has moved on to chewing a bite saber (no shit, click the link) and gum. He's a dedicated rule follower with the gum; it's written into his IEP at school that he be permitted to chew it as long as he disposes of it properly in the trash. And he does. Every. Single. Time.

Before he leaves for school each morning, my 13-year-old son who is developmentally six, sets all three cats up on the windowsill, where they wait for him until he gets home. They are an incredibly dedicated group of souls. Cats are my son's spirit animal.

Puddles, Pink Kitty, and Mochi watching their Cat Dad, in the yellow coat.

He set them on the windowsill when he and his brother played out in the snow for several hours. And even though he cuddles them around the neck, and we talk about the fact that you can't carry a real-life cat that way, and that real-life cats will cut you with their sharp little kitty claws if you attempt such nonsense, my son thinks it's hysterical, and in typical teenage fashion says, "I know, Mom!"

My husband and I have honestly entertained the idea of getting a cat. So I started talking with our son about the fact that a real-life cat is gonna poop in the litter box and that the litter box is gonna need to be cleaned every day because poop stinks. He said he'd clean the litter box. I am cautiously optimistic that this is perhaps something he'll be willing to do...but ultimately, it will fall to me, because I'm the mom. And it's a goddamn chore to get out to the yard once every few weeks and pick up dog shit, so I have zero desire to clean a litter box.

I know several people will disagree with me when I say that having an indoor-outdoor kitty is also known as "prey" in my neck of the woods. However, I cannot take the risk for being responsible for saying, "Here's this kitty for you as a long-term, loving companion" and then turn around and say "Oh sonovabitch! Well, I suppose that's the circle of life. Maybe we should watch The Lion King again...?

So for now, we're sticking with Mochi. He's filling my son's bucket for the time being. Even though he's kind of an asshole sometimes and he clearly gives zero shits about anything because he's a cat, this stuffed animal has truly been a wonderful gift for my son. Thanks Little Brother and Favorite Sister-in-Law. You guys have outdone yourselves.

Seriously, Mochi. I'm tryin' to work, here!

 

Feelin' Better

My 13-year-old is feeling better. #PraiseBe

I can tell because throughout the morning, in small doses, he was able to handle a variation of the BRAT diet: bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast.

Keeping down a hot soft pretzel (available in the frozen food section bc ain't nobody got time for that!), an apple sauce packet, a banana, and a red Popsicle. I know I'm not supposed to give a red Popsicle to a person who has been vomiting and has diarrhea. But seriously...? It's a reasonable risk, you guys. #JustEat

He's also been keeping down water. Which is really good. Especially when compared to yesterday when he couldn't keep water down. And in his world, that means he didn't take his anti-seizure meds. Of which there are plenty.

So far, with this GI distress, he's missed three doses of his anti-seizure meds, and naturally, he's at an increased risk for seizures. #Duh #CauseAndEffect #Science

I've been watching him closely and haven't seen too many. From his initial diagnosis when he was 4, I've remained cautiously optimistic that he'll outgrow his seizures. Many kids do.

Even though he has a rare form of Epilepsy called Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome...and those kids usually don't outgrow their seizures. I remain diligently optimistic. Because, according to my son's Pediatric Neurologist: my son doesn't do things by the book. So, maybe...someday...he will outgrow his seizures...?

When sickness runs through our home, my child with special needs gets hit the hardest and longest. It is unfortunate. But it makes sense. Because of the numerous anti-seizure medications my son takes on the daily, his excretory system is working harder, making him more at risk for kidney stones. And, he's already predisposed to those since both paternal grandparents have had them. I've heard women who have experienced both vaginal birth and kidney stones...hopefully not simultaneously...have said they'd rather give birth again than pass a kidney stone a second time. I can't say for certain, but it seems to me there's a lower level of long-term commitment with passing a kidney stone than giving birth. #WTFDoIKnow

And, of course, his digestive system is working harder...so his liver is also affected by the meds he takes. And he takes the meds so that he won't seize. And if he seizes...when he seizes...his brain stops for a few seconds.... And, yes, it's stressful to watch. every.single.time.

So far, he's missed two days of school. He may or may not go to school tomorrow. In our house, we say "We'll deal with tomorrow tomorrow." So that's what we'll do with that.

He's concerned about missing Fun Friday. I'm concerned about getting more food and liquids into him and out of him in the healthiest way possible.

While he's not moved off the couch in two days, he's definitely feeling better. And for this I am thankful. It remains to be seen if he'll be at school tomorrow.

Oh! JOY!!! The boys are fighting over what to stream!

#ThankJesus I went to Phoenix so I could come home and get my Mom on at the Boss Level. 

And don't worry, you guys...the wedding blog is coming.

Thanks for reading,
#MaRa

Perspective

I am home today with a sick teenager who has GI issues. 

 

But, today I am choosing to celebrate, because also on this day...

Forty-seven years ago I was born.

Seven years we were at the Autism Center in Seattle, and when I signed us in I accidentally put my birth year instead of the actual year.

Four years ago I completed radiation treatments for breast cancer.

 

And even though I'm planning on being up to my eyeballs in bodily fluids and laundry for the next several days, I am healthy and can be present with my kid during this trying time for him.

Life is all about perspective, you guys. 

 

Choose wisely, younglings. 

This is the only life we have.

 

And, Happy Birthday to ME!

Dad's Shirts

Dad's shirts arrived in the mail in a plain brown box in April 2017. Understandably, Mom needed to take her time to go through them; they were now incredibly special treasures, containing memories of times gone by and places they had traveled to together. She needed to process, in her own way, what it meant to pack up her deceased husband's shirts to send to me, with the plan being for me to cut some, possibly all, of these shirts up and then sew them back together as a memorial quilt. She didn't know which shirts I would end up working with when she bravely packed them up in Oklahoma, sealed the box and addressed it to my husband and me, and took them to have them shipped all the way up to Northwestern Washington.

Mom and I had many conversations about this project, prior to her shipping them up. I requested creative control, which Mom agreed to. However, she had one caveat: she needed the shirt that Dad had designed and made himself to be in the middle...

...because, obviously, Dad had an incredible sense of humor. And really, you guys, he made it. Because that's what he & Mom used to do for a living before they retired in 2013...about 6 months before Dad was diagnosed. They planned on spending their retirement traveling in their big and beautiful 5th wheel trailer.

My husband's Father was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer in October 2013. And, basically, stage 4 cancer means you're in some serious shit. Like, you really don't EVER want to hear your doctor tell you that. You don't ever want to hear your husband's physician say to your husband, "You have stage 4 cancer." It's the worst of the worst...of the worst.

But Dad, just being Dad, did a bunch of his own research on his disease, he educated himself, and he found a drug study that he was able to participate in which helped to extend his life by about 18 months.

Dad ♡

When my father-in-law passed away in June of 2015, I was going through my own breast cancer chemotherapy treatments. Sometimes life is just fucked up like that. My husband did not attend this father's funeral, which was in Oklahoma. His father was a firm "no" on the topic.

Actually, it was more like an ABSOLUTELY NOT!

He did not expect his son to leave me alone with our two boys, who were 8 and 6 at the time, and home on summer break. Now would probably be a good time to mention that our oldest son has myriad neurological disorders and requires extra supports to get through the day. Because sometimes life is just fucked up like that.

Sorting out child care as a single parent going through chemo...? While I know that there are parents that do not have the choice, I am eternally grateful that my father-in-law was generous enough to not put me through that. I am thankful that he was not so selfish in his dying days that he put his son in a position to choose between staying in Northwestern Washington State with his family who was depending upon him like never before, and traveling to Oklahoma to attend his funeral. A dying father made a decision for his adult child; it was a tremendous gift.

What are ya gonna do?

We visited with him frequently via video chat. We saw him as often as we could all emotionally and physically manage. Being a cancer patient is exhausting. Caring for a cancer patient is taxing. Parenting a child with special needs is incredibly stressful. All of that combined? The amount of pressure we were all under is hard to describe...but at a certain point you have to just surrender that sometimes life happens big time for some families. What are ya gonna do?

While we all emotionally struggled with our own grief in our own way during his passing, we all ultimately respected Dad's dying wish. It was one less decision my husband and I had to make during an already life-altering time for each of us as individuals; for who we were as a couple; for what it means to be parents; and even as adult children, we needed Dad to make this decision...but we didn't know what we needed. Thanks, Dad. I love you.

We all grieve in our own way. There's no "right" or "wrong" to it. It's unique to each individual. So, it didn't surprise me that it took my mother-in-law to take nearly two years to send up the box of shirts. There were about two dozen in all. Not all of them were cotton. I was taught to quilt by old school quilters before my kids were born: cotton.

Cotton-poly blend...ehhh...not so much.

But those 100% cotton t-shirts with all the cool stuff Dad loved? Yup! Gimme those!

However, the box sat in the closet, sorry, Mom, for quite some time. My husband wasn't ready. I was not capable of going through the box myself; at the end of the day, it's his Dad, and he needs to go through it when he's ready. I gently encouraged him when it first arrived...and he pushed back. His own experience with cancer wasn't far enough behind him. His experience as my caregiver during my cancer wasn't far enough behind us. We became busy, as we all do, and the box sat in the closet. For a very, very long time...forgotten...seen occasionally...not quite ready...maybe it was used more than once to cover up a few Christmas gifts for the boys...I'm sure Dad was happy to oblige in a little conspiracy for the boys he loved so much....

Me, texting with my MIL

And then, out of the blue, one day in November 2018, Mom texted me and said, basically, "How's it coming with the quilt?"

I think the first thing I did was say, "Randy! Can you please get that box of your Dad's shirts outta the closet? I gotta get started on that t-shirt quilt for your Mom!"

And then I texted Mom back a few minutes later and said, "Oh, it's coming along...."

The one that got away

My husband opened the box, and he went through the shirts. He separated the t-shirts from the button down shirts. He decided to keep the short-sleeved button down shirts and give me the t-shirts for the quilt. There were a total of 10 t-shirts, however, 9 of them ended up going in the quilt. The last one my husband decided to keep for himself to possibly wear, because it's Batman. Old school Batman.


Now, making a t-shirt quilt is quite an involved process because t-shirts are made from pretty stretchy material...where quilting fabric is, comparatively, less forgiving. It's a tighter weave...and thicker. So you don't use quilting fabric in a wet t-shirt contest.

Also, t-shirt fabric can roll in on itself, and when you're sewing fabric together, you need flat edges...you don't need fabric rolling in on itself because that would make you so frustrated you'd end up throwing your goddam sewing machine through a fuckin' window. So to help keep your sanity from shattering like a pane of glass, you have to get this stuff called fusible interfacing. And this is totally worth it because without it, your t-shirts won't last as long, and quilts are made to be used for years, unlike wet t-shirts. So, the interfacing makes the t-shirt fabric stronger. Got it?

Back of the front of a shirt, with interfacing

It's a necessary step. It's a pain in the ass and it's hella time consuming, but it's not a negotiable thing. First you cut the t-shirts up the seam on each side, then you cut the sleeves at the shoulder...on the seams.

Make sure you check each sleeve because sometimes souvenir t-shirt designers think they are clever and put stuff on the sleeve and you gotta decide if you're gonna incorporate that into the quilt.

Then you gently cut the collar out of the shirt out. You have to be careful here, because some times there can be a design close to the neck, and you certainly don't want to go cutting someone's design. I mean, that's just rude.

Anyway then you take your ironing board and your iron and you have to press, not iron back and forth, but PRESS the fusible interfacing on to the inside of the front of the t-shirt. And you have to HOLD the iron on the fabric for about 10-15 seconds. And you have to have a towel or a cloth diaper or some bullshit piece of fabric between the interfacing and the
iron because you certainly don't have time to get the adhesive from the interfacing off of your iron....

Press the iron. Count to ten slowly. Move the iron. Press the iron. Count to ten slowly. Move the iron. Repeat. A lot. All over the shirt.

On the design wall

I did that for nine shirts. I made each block about 15 inches wide by 17 inches tall. I honored Mom's request that the white Guinea Pig High Powered Drug Control Testing Specimen t-shirt be in the middle. I made sure that the one shirt that had writing on the sleeve was added in. And then I played with different options on my design wall, which is really fancy...it's the underside of a cheap table cloth...the other side is vinyl. And you just put the shirts on the wall...no pins...nothing fancy...just run your hand over it to make it stick.

As I worked on this project in November, with the goal to get it to Mom by Christmas, my family slipped in and out of gastrointestinal illnesses that were going around in our community. Life was telling us to slow down in a way that it hadn't in a while...quilts can wait.

Double border

But we talked a lot about Dad...about Pop-pop...while I worked on this quilt. He was with us. Perhaps he wanted to spend Christmas with us, and that's why I didn't make my personal deadline. Sorry, Mom. But I know you get it better than my own parents do. Thank you for being who you are. 

In our conversations, I asked my husband what his Dad's favorite thing to do was. "Fish," was what #RandySaid

...and as a result, we chose to do a double border: a thin inner border of light blue for water, and a wider outer border full of fishing lures. It was one of those things that just came together.

In the process of sandwiching Dad's Shirts. 

The back of the quilt is also worth considering...and I tend to overthink things. Elvis fabric? They fell in love listening to The King. No. That didn't feel right. Too masculine. After all, it's technically for Mom. Green? Eh...it could work. Brown? Maybe. Purple...of course, because it's Mom's favorite color. But also because no matter what happened, she always had Dad's back. A deep royal purple was in order. The purple is for you, Mom. 

Then I had to sandwich it. No, for real, that's what it's called, you guys.

Basting the quilt

I don't have room in my home for a long-arm quilting machine. But I do have laminate flooring. So, I asked my family to move the dining room table, it was before lunch, and they were feeling really quite helpful throughout this particular project. Then I busted out the 2" wide masking tape, and got down on my hands and knees and taped the back of the quilt to the dining room floor, making sure it was rather taut, keeping the seam in the purple straight. There can be no wrinkles in the fabric.

Then I got the quilt batting and laid that on top of the back of the quilt. And it had to be smooth...no wrinkles. I use the long edge my 24" x 6" flat ruler to gently flatten the batting...kind of a push broom...for the smoothing process.

And then I laid out the quilt top. Again, smoothing it with the edge of the ruler.

And then, finally, I basted the quilt by pinning the shit out of it. I used my flat 24" x 6" ruler again, and safety-pinned all three layers together, in 4" increments, so it'll end up a gigantic grid. I do this so because the old school quilters said. Also, when I eventually untape and pick up the quilt sandwich, it will all stay together and nothing slides around.

The 12 year old sews

And that's sandwiching a quilt.

The final measurements of Dad's Shirts was about 58" wide by about 66" long, so the sandwiching process took a couple of hours of sitting and moving on the floor. It's very grounding, and I think about the type of stitching, or quilting I'm going to do, as I'm moving around and pinning.

And by the way, having quilting as a hobby...it's ain't for the inflexible. Quilting is rather physical. Thank you, me, for giving myself 20+ years of regular yoga practice.

The 9.5 year old sews

Aaaaanyway...so I quilted this bad boy with coordinating thread to match each individual t-shirt. When I was making this quilt, I thought about, and put the call out via Facebook, for quilting with invisible thread. I appreciate the folks who helped and for the loan of invisible thread. However, a very wise quilter at my local quilt shop advised me to not explore invisible thread with this quilt. Why? Too emotional. Dad's Shirts is...and was...a very emotional piece of art for me to be given the opportunity to create. I am very proud to have made something so beautiful. I was, and am, thankful that my Mom-in-law trusted me and loves me and is confident in my crazy ideas and my abilities. But this was absolutely not the quilt to learn to do something new on. I'll save the invisible thread for another time.

So, while matching 12 threads to 12 t-shirts was tedious, it's ok because I added some new colors of thread to my stash. For the bottom thread, on the back of the quilt, I used a variegated purple thread, because I wanted dashes of lighter purples in the back of the quilt. 

Back & binding

I selected a deep burgundy for the binding. The binding of a quilt is the part that goes around the perimeter and part of it is attached to the quilt with a machine. But, the old school quilters said that you are going sit yo'ass down and you're gonna finish that quilt up in your lap, by hand, and use a whip stitch. You do the last step with love. Never with hate. That's only for cooking. 

Label, on the back left bottom corner. Ruler is 12"x6".

It is worth noting, as a Washingtonian, that I did NOT choose purple for the Huskies and burgundy for the Cougars... besides...WSU is crimson, and crimson and burgundy are not the same color. Google it. I did. I'm just too goddamn tired to do a link. I can't give you everything, you guys...be a little bit responsible for your own learning, mkay?

Attaching the label

Because both of my sons sewed on Dad's Shirts, I asked them to help me with the creation of the label. I surrounded the label with dark blue butterflies, because Mom loves butterflies, and Dad loved blue.  The label was attached by hand.

Port Angeles, WA shirt

While working on this project, I remembered fond times of when Dad and Mom came to visit us when we lived in Las Vegas. And I'm thankful they also made it all the way up to Port Angeles to visit us before Dad's diagnosis. Seeing Pop-pop take Angry Birds lessons from my older son, slide down the slide and play with his grandsons is a memory I cherish.

Dad having an Angry Birds lesson

Dad and I's, flying high!

To make sure everything was secure and my quilt was ready to go, I threw it in the washer and dryer, like you do...and it passed inspection. I put Dad's shirts in a large plastic garbage bag, to make sure it was protected, just in case anything happened during shipping.

Hair back; safety first!

And then I put it in a box. Oh! And Mr 9.5 made a couple of one-seam-fleece hats: one for Mom and one for her brother. He was quite proud of these because his entire fourth grade class made hats one day because their teacher is awesome like that! And it would be remiss if me if I didn't include a picture. Boys sew. It's cool, you guys.

And then I put that box into a larger box. Because I'm paranoid about something happening to this one-of-a-kind creation. Of shirts that my Father-in-law used to wear. When he was alive.

It was a stressful couple of days, just after Christmas when I shipped this very special package off. I was regularly checking USPS.com and would get anxious when I didn't know where Dad's Shirts was. But I knew when it was out for delivery. And I made arrangements for Mom to sign for it. Because, you don't cut up your Father-in-law's shirts only to sew them back together and make a memorial quilt for your Mother-in-law and then send it without requesting a signature on delivery. Duh!

Regardless, she texted me when she got it. Thanks, Mom, for trusting me with this. It was an honor and a privilege to create this. Thanks to my husband for always having a keen eye for fabric. Thanks to my sons for helping create something beautiful for Grandma.

Dad's Shirts, 58"x66"